What does it feel like to have BPD

[AsterFrikartii]

I hope I am reasonably empathetic but I have always struggled to understand what my dd18 is feeling. Her changes of mood sideswipe me and her behaviour baffles me. So - can anyone tell me what BPD is? What does it feel like? What thoughts go through her head?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Asterfrikartii
That’s a very difficult question to answer for many reasons. I suppose the base line is that BPD is a disorder that involves the system that regulates emotion. As we develop we normally learn to use other brain systems to control or regulate our emotions and our emotional response.

While having the emotional dysregulation, some BPD folk can be ‘high functioning’ ie they can function at work or manage a house. For others, daily life is a constant battle to push back on intense emotional response.

One description I read many years ago was that it was like ‘having no skin’ – ie there was no barrier to the constant emotional triggers that invaded the person.

My understanding of my BPD is that if she is with people and they are engaged in discussion without her, she feels like she wants to die. The feelings of abandonment are triggered all the time – and when she feels this way, she blames me (not necessarily for what is triggering her.

The other thing is the clue in the word ‘borderline’. My BPD tells stories that are clearly not the case. I realized that things get twisted in her mind – reality and fantasy, reality and what is happening in the news.

My DD has been more open about how she is feeling or what she is thinking since I ‘withdrew’ emotionally from her and from trying to engage, direct, help etc. It seems that she feels my support as putting her under stress – so I’ve had to let go of that.

The best time for my DD to open up is on a long drive – somehow the movement calms her mind.

I am sure others have more insight into what is happening in the complex mind of BPD.