Ex trying to get back stories

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hello, today I'd like to ask you about your stories when your ex wanted to go back to you, especially the ones when your ex had her replacement already. I recently broke up with BPD ex, she went straight up to replacement. Yes, I do hope for this to happen right now. Yes I hope there will be troubles in paradise for her one day. I went NC, but as you can see it's not NC at all. Maybe you can talk me out of this way of thinking. And as always sorry for my not-native english  (dunno why but I cant use h word for it it gets replaced by charming o,o)

[No1important]

Hello, today I'd like to ask you about your stories when your ex wanted to go back to you, especially the ones when your ex had her replacement already. I recently broke up with BPD ex, she went straight up to replacement. Yes, I do hope for this to happen right now. Yes I hope there will be troubles in paradise for her one day. I went NC, but as you can see it's not NC at all. Maybe you can talk me out of this way of thinking. And as always sorry for my not-native english  (dunno why but I cant use h word for it it gets replaced by charming o,o)

[Mutt]

Hi No1important, 



I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're going through that, I can relate with the anger and pain when your ex leaves you and jumps into a r/s with someone else. It's invalidating and incredibly painful when you're triangulated like that because you've just lost a r/s, you powerless because there are no means to re-establish it, you're cut off.

You'll find many members here that can relate with you and offer you guidance and support. You can look around and join other discussions, you'll see many stories similar to yours.

Yes I hope there will be troubles in paradise for her one day. I went NC, but as you can see it's not NC at all. Maybe you can talk me out of this way of thinking.

No contact is not a hard and fast rule, no contact gives us space and time that we need to heal our emotional wounds. What happened? Did she contact you and you responded back, is that you mean "no contact at all"?

[Soulcrushed4]

I allowed myself to be a fallbackplan for 4 long years.

Other than my (our) child nothing good came of it.

Be careful what you wish for.

[lillysail]

My BPD-Ex left me out of the blue 8 months ago.  He just flipped the switch and I was the one left picking up the pieces.  He immediately ran to another woman and then another one after that and so on.  Last week, he starts mass texting me, saying all the right things and somehow convinced me to meet him.  We had a great time together but here it is a week later, and he has already disappeared, again.

My thought is either he is in a relationship and it's going sour, so he needs me on the back burner or he is chasing a new girl and in case it does not work out, he thinks he has me as a backup.

He is never alone.  He always has at least 2 in the bucket, one he is more serious with, one as a backup. 

In the past 8 months, I have not dated.  I am a widow and this was my first relationship after losing my husband.  Because of this relationship, I have severe trust issues with intimate relationships.

I did treat him very well, but I let my standards/boundaries slip when it came to him.  I am finally at a place where I do not blame him, he is suffering more than I can even begin to wrap my head around. I am just learning that there are no expectations with him and I would never do an intimate relationship with him again.   I cannot save him, only he can do that.  He will be back again and each time I only get better at not allowing myself to be a doormat.  And maybe one day, I will need to cut him off completely for my own healing. 

Right now, it is all new to me, so I am learning as I go.  When they come back, it is rarely because they suddenly feel we are their one and only.  He needs validation that he still has me, once he thinks he has it, he disappears and since I expect nothing from him, it does not turn my world upside down, like the first time it happened. 

[Mutt]

Hi lillysail,

I'm sorry for your loss. I hear wisdom in your words, I don't have any advice. I just want to say welcome to the group and i'm looking forward to reading your posts.

[No1important]

 |iiiiSo to make long story short. It was LDR, she knew she had some problems (she used to say that she's "broken". I wanted to be her knight, got totally codependent and all. I quit my hobbies, she was playing the first role in my life. She used to break up with me about 3 or 4 times but the longest bu lasted one day. I either chased her or she came crawling back with apologies and crying. Ofc I had no idea about BPD and stuff back then. Then mr. Replacement shown up, I knew that she has been triangulating, and one day I had enough. I dumped her, telling that she's selfish etc. And the next day I was back to beg her back. I thought that I always let her back so should she now. Silly me. She said she needs a break, cuz she doesnt know what sje feels. Week later she msgd me on fb, that this doesnt make sense and we're done. I just responded "Ok, I understand". I wanted NC, but 12 days later I broke it on fb telling her that I'm not angry about that decision, apologosed for my behavior in rs and even thanked her that she ended it, cuz now I see my mistakes and I can move on and work on myself. She replied similar things, and then she admited that she is with him. That he loved her for longer period of time, and she had to admit before herself, that she was keeping the same in her. But what made me confused was her statement, that she hopes that I dont hate her, that she still likes me, adores me (she used the word between liking and loving in my first language), that im a great guy and that someone will apreciate it one day. And that she hopes I will return to the game we used to play together. I just told her that I need time to handle myself, that I spent too much time in the game, and maybe I'll return one day when I get my stuff done. Then I said I have to go and finished the conversation. 3 days later I decided to unfriend her on fb and NC since then. I checked her fb recently and realized, that there is no job information regarding her job, where she was obligated to keep this info by her supervisors, so I guess she quit/lost it. As my replacement is rly wealthy it makes sence. When we were together she was saying two things.1st, that she is afraid she'll lose her job, as she has no qualifications she would have a hard time in fiding another in my country. 2nd, that she could live with a guy who would pay for her so she's not obligated to work, but she doesn't want to depend on that person. I hope this post is understanrable peace

[No1important]

No contact is not a hard and fast rule, no contact gives us space and time that we need to heal our emotional wounds. What happened? Did she contact you and you responded back, is that you mean "no contact at all"?

. What I mean by " no contact at all" is that im still thinking bout her, checking her fb etc. Actually I havent done that for few days but its still tempting.

[purpleavocado]

My ex gets in contact with me, without fail, toward the end of every relationship she has. They break up within 2 months of her initiating contact. And then she tries to get be back until she gives up and finds someone else within another 2 months or so.

It's predictable. We've been broken up for almost 4 years.