Game on...again...help

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I had two really good weeks of really NC with my exBPDgf who I work with... .but we work in different ends of the building... .the one time I passed her in the hallway, I looked away and said nothing. Last Friday she maneuvered stealthily behind me after a student assembly in the gym and tapped me on the shoulder, commenting that I looked really good... .I half-smiled at her audacity to approach me with students in the vicinity... .that half-smiled must have emboldened her, because today, she was giving me the crazy eyes stare down from across the gym, and she made a point to stop in my room before school today to ask how I was doing... .some students were present, so I had to be cordial... .

Suggestions on how to deal with her using student proximity to get into my personal space?

[AustenJ]

I had two really good weeks of really NC with my exBPDgf who I work with... .but we work in different ends of the building... .the one time I passed her in the hallway, I looked away and said nothing. Last Friday she maneuvered stealthily behind me after a student assembly in the gym and tapped me on the shoulder, commenting that I looked really good... .I half-smiled at her audacity to approach me with students in the vicinity... .that half-smiled must have emboldened her, because today, she was giving me the crazy eyes stare down from across the gym, and she made a point to stop in my room before school today to ask how I was doing... .some students were present, so I had to be cordial... .

Suggestions on how to deal with her using student proximity to get into my personal space?

[roberto516]

You know what I'm actually jealous of you. Because I'm in the stage where she doesn't even want to talk to me. And probably won't ever again. Which is a blessing in and of itself. But you have all the power here. She wants your attention and you can tell her no. It might not be healthy but I would love to be in your position. So I could do some rejection of my own. I know it's tough for us to resist.

[Rayban]

I also use to work with my BPDex. From experience I could tell you that they have a sixth sense knowing when you are beginning to detach especially when you are in close proximity, she will try to pull you back in. It really is a power struggle.  You've become a challenge for her vanity. Shell test the water and test you're attachment to her.  Open the door just as little as a smile and you give her a boost to her ego.  As mentioned above you hold the power at this point.

If you went no contact, there has to be a reason.  Just remember why. If you choose to re-engage, just do what I didn't for a while which is ask yourself, what has changed ?  If the answer is nothing, and you're willing to go on another roller coaster ride just accepted the consequences.

The other thing that you should consider is you're professional reputation.  There are students around, and I wouldn't put it past her turning this into you being the prosecuter and her the victim of your advances.  Before you know it you're out of a job. While she gets a massive hit of her preferred drug which is attention. Just something to think about if you're foolishly willing to go back for the excitement or for sex.  Trust me it's not worth it. Especially if she's with somone else.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey complicated, Don't kid yourself: she's testing the waters to see if you are still on the line.  She might even throw you a few crumbs, like giving you the crazy eyes or stopping by to see how you're doing.  It's up to you to establish the boundaries, my friend.  Rayban has some good advice.  Don't dip your toe back into the toxic BPD waters, unless you are ready to get back on the roller coaster.  If so, be careful and get ready for a rough ride.

LJ

[hopealways]

You know what I'm actually jealous of you. Because I'm in the stage where she doesn't even want to talk to me. And probably won't ever again. Which is a blessing in and of itself. But you have all the power here. She wants your attention and you can tell her no. It might not be healthy but I would love to be in your position. So I could do some rejection of my own. I know it's tough for us to resist.

That's what it's all about with the BPD. Attention. Because they are so empty inside they want the attention from wherever they can get it. If not you, the next one. And GHOSTING is probably the only communication they understand.