I've lost all sense of time

[hopealways]

5 years since I met my BPDx, 1.5 years since she left me (again) and I have lost all sense of time.
Everything time wise I gauge in relation to where I was before I met her, when I met her, and the time of our relationship.
It's so annoying.
I think back to 5 years ago and it seems like an eternity. I cannot even believe where time has gone. It is mostly because instead of moving on with my life and enjoying my days, I used to just wait until nightfall because it would bring me one day closer to a recycle.
It's so sad.
But it has made me realize the depth of my trauma which existed WAY before I met her.
Her entrance and exits into my life just made me realize that I needed to get help. Which I have.
The work and struggle is constant and daily.
Sometimes I wonder had I never met her what would have happened? I would have probably met someone far worse, we would have had a kid together, which meant one more innocent being introduced into the horrible world of the borderline.
Now I see red flags in everyone I meet.  Sometimes I wish I never knew about BPD.  But it seems it has reached epidemic proportions.
Through all this I still remain optimistic that there are untortured souls out there and as I heal, I will naturally find them.

[infjEpic]

For what it's worth, the time thing applies to any relationship.

Knowledge is power with BPD.
It's better to know.

Have you created a new life for yourself?

[hopealways]

For what it's worth, the time thing applies to any relationship.

Knowledge is power with BPD.
It's better to know.

Have you created a new life for yourself?

Yes I have. And no for my past non-BPD relationships I never related anything as far as time is concerned to the relationship.