skunkfish
You are in a safe place to help yourself find balance in this, and ultimately be able to better to support your wife.
Does your wife over rescue and micro manage? Does lack of sturucture and control send her into a tailspin? If so she could have traits of
OCPD. This is not the same as OCD
Cutting is often a means of putting an obvious face on pain (ie physical rather than being able to cope with the invisible face(ie emotional)