Im Weak

[CorsaG19]

So 3 days ago my xwBPD walked out. It wasnt a good day. There was fighting and crying and it just wasnt left in a good place.

Since then there has been the odd phone call from her about random stuff. Like she was trying to get me to see her but i was firm and said no

Today she was due to get her remaining belongs from a storage unit we share so i didn't have to see her. All weekend i felt there would be something that she would do to have to see me. She loves 1 hour away now. Surprise surprise i got a phone call (private number as shes blocked) and its her explaining how shes on the way to the unit and shes realised shes forgotten her bank card has needs petrol. Cant get home. Needs me to go help her

I know she has fabricated this but im too nice a person to just ignore her. She doesnt know anyone round her. Her family are 4 hours away. So i went

Soon as i arrived she snapped at me for not asking how her night out on saturday went. Told her i wasnt interested. So she began to tell me anyway. Her best friend (who shes slept with) and her new friend (who shes slept with whilst we were 'on a break' 2 months ago and im sure is the replacement ) spent the night calling her names until there was a physical fight between her and the best friend. Best friend and replacement then went off and slept together so she has blocked them both. Then she dropped in about the girl she bumped into. The one she always made me feel was the one she wanted to be with. Whenever we had a fight she always went running to her and sleeping with her.  Until the break 2 months ago when i messaged her and told her everything so she blocked the xwBPD from her life

Well now they are back talking again. Back friends. And my ex just had this look like she was so happy. It hurt. How quickly she got over me. Recycling right... .

I asked her to delete my number there and then in front of me and she flipped. Really angry and refused.

I know now she doesnt have her bf that shes going to try getting me to replace that role. Or she wants me there like her ex wife is for when shes down because she knows how much i care. Love her. I cant do it. Ive blocked her on everything as it is. Why cant she just leave me.

[roberto516]

I'm weak too. Eventually they will get the signs and go away (for at least long durations of time that we rebuild ourselves). But you have the choice to walk away. Easier said than done. I know your story. She did the same (Even saying she was lost and couldn't find her way home). Umm... .you have GPS on your phone . She hasn't rubbed anything in my face about what she's doing instead. She never did. She's much more of a reclusive BPD.

Just remember to love yourself first. It's what I"m struggling with as well.

[Mutt]

Hi CorsaG19,

She needs an exit plan from r/s's, she'll start a new r/s before the current one ends, speaking of ends, you could look at it as an ends to means but she's trying to avoid abondment, I think it's a mixture of both.

Everyone on the board can relate with how much it hurts when our exes's shift gears and are done with us and there's someone new. I recall one of the last Thanksgiving, we'll we should of really been together for it but she said she was moving, she said something interesting, one of the family members on her side said than they made a place for at the table ( I didn't go, I didn't see the point ) and she said "I don't have a husband anymore" She was confident enough that her boyfriend that she was having an affair with was going to bail on her, they didn't come out at that point but she wanted me at arms's length so she had an exit plan in case he didn't work out.

We set the boundary or the limits on ourselves, I didn't tell her in so many words but she was impulsive enough to leave a marriage then she can suffer the consequences of her choices, some people are different but a r/s is done for me, it's done, I don't go back because usually there was a pretty good reason with it was over in the first place. What's your boundary if she wants to keep you at arm's length?

PS You're not weak you suffered from an emotional wound.

[CorsaG19]

Hi CorsaG19,

She needs an exit plan from r/s's, she'll start a new r/s before the current one ends, speaking of ends, you could look at it as an ends to means but she's trying to avoid abondment, I think it's a mixture of both.

Everyone on the board can relate with how much it hurts when our exes's shift gears and are done with us and there's someone new. I recall one of the last Thanksgiving, we'll we should of really been together for it but she said she was moving, she said something interesting, one of the family members on her side said than they made a place for at the table ( I didn't go, I didn't see the point ) and she said "I don't have a husband anymore" She was confident enough that her boyfriend that she was having an affair with was going to bail on her, they didn't come out at that point but she wanted me at arms's length so she had an exit plan in case he didn't work out.

We set the boundary or the limits on ourselves, I didn't tell her in so many words but she was impulsive enough to leave a marriage then she can suffer the consequences of her choices, some people are different but a r/s is done for me, it's done, I don't go back because usually there was a pretty good reason with it was over in the first place. What's your boundary if she wants to keep you at arm's length?

PS You're not weak you suffered from an emotional wound.

Thanks Roberto! I have always struggled to love myself but im going to give it ago

Hi Mutt... .Im feeling in a very different mood today.  I know i'll feel low again but at the moment im good. I havent thought of a boundary if she wants me at arms length. Im an all or nothing kinda girl.  The first 2 months of our relationship was me doing everything she asked.  Driving an hour to hers to see her for maybe 2 hours before driving back (sometimes with a 4 year old).  Then i would find out that the times i couldnt go up she would go see another girl.  Im looking back now and laughing wondering why i did it. I dont want to go back there. Do that again

So i think NC is the best option. I know it is.  And today i feel a little happier... .a bit like a weights been lifted. There as been times when ive got that feeling in my stomach ie seeing something of hers in the house but i see it as shes made her bed.  She can lie in it.  She knows herself she wont find anyone who will put up with the stuff i have. Shes someone elses problem now

Saw a quote today that i really related to -
'I was your cure, And you were my disease. I was saving you, but you were killing me'

And so today i requested a change of shift at work to weekends only and just applied to go back to college for September. Something to look forward to if it all goes to plan!

[happendtome]

Thats good to hear CorsaG19, it will take time, but thats good start and attitude you have. Just dont give up.
I like that quote myself too

[Mutt]

Saw a quote today that i really related to -
'I was your cure, And you were my disease. I was saving you, but you were killing me'

I like that quote  That's exciting news that you're going back to school in the fall!