Hi CorsaG19,
She needs an exit plan from r/s's, she'll start a new r/s before the current one ends, speaking of ends, you could look at it as an ends to means but she's trying to avoid abondment, I think it's a mixture of both.
Everyone on the board can relate with how much it hurts when our exes's shift gears and are done with us and there's someone new. I recall one of the last Thanksgiving, we'll we should of really been together for it but she said she was moving, she said something interesting, one of the family members on her side said than they made a place for at the table ( I didn't go, I didn't see the point ) and she said "I don't have a husband anymore" She was confident enough that her boyfriend that she was having an affair with was going to bail on her, they didn't come out at that point but she wanted me at arms's length so she had an exit plan in case he didn't work out.
We set the boundary or the limits on ourselves, I didn't tell her in so many words but she was impulsive enough to leave a marriage then she can suffer the consequences of her choices, some people are different but a r/s is done for me, it's done, I don't go back because usually there was a pretty good reason with it was over in the first place. What's your boundary if she wants to keep you at arm's length?
PS You're not weak you suffered from an emotional wound.
Thanks Roberto! I have always struggled to love myself but im going to give it ago
Hi Mutt... .Im feeling in a very different mood today. I know i'll feel low again but at the moment im good. I havent thought of a boundary if she wants me at arms length. Im an all or nothing kinda girl. The first 2 months of our relationship was me doing everything she asked. Driving an hour to hers to see her for maybe 2 hours before driving back (sometimes with a 4 year old). Then i would find out that the times i couldnt go up she would go see another girl. Im looking back now and laughing wondering why i did it. I dont want to go back there. Do that again
So i think NC is the best option. I know it is. And today i feel a little happier... .a bit like a weights been lifted. There as been times when ive got that feeling in my stomach ie seeing something of hers in the house but i see it as shes made her bed. She can lie in it. She knows herself she wont find anyone who will put up with the stuff i have. Shes someone elses problem now
Saw a quote today that i really related to -
'I was your cure, And you were my disease. I was saving you, but you were killing me'And so today i requested a change of shift at work to weekends only and just applied to go back to college for September. Something to look forward to if it all goes to plan!
