They wouldn't want this.

[Mavrik]

I was sat at my doctors this morning waiting to see them to refer me for counselling and 'our song' came on the radio.

It was Angels by Robbie Williams, the number of times we sang that song to BPD another and held each other and cried.

Got me thinking of the great elements of my ex. Her beautiful smile, her warm hugs, her laugh, her eyes and the fun times we had before if all went wrong and her BPD character came through.

I then thought about all those who have BPD and the constant pains and battles they go through their entire life.

They didn't chose to have this and I'm certain they would prefer to live a life without this, as they are human after all and no one wants this.

Why do these beautiful people have this condition, it's so sad and such a shame.

So we all post the negatives of the relationship and how it went bad, but what about the nice things. The nice times the beautiful part of the person we loved so much.

Please let's share on here the nice things of our partners and what we loved about them.

Mine would laugh and giggle all the time and touch her chin in a funny way, her hugs were the best and made you feel safe and loved, her dancing at the most silly moments, her sparkling eyes and she would always say 'I'm not being funny but... .'. Her use of endless emojis when texting. Her driving her car on the handbrake, all made her special. I wish she didn't have this condition.

[Fie]

Hello Mavrik,

I do understand what you mean. People who have BPD can be so charming, and yes they have good sides, like everyone.
Personally I do not find it very constructive for myself though, to go post about the wonderful qualities my ex had. I broke up with him for a reason, and if I'd start to be all nostalgic this has nothing in it for me. It has been scientifically proven that we have more and deeper, more colourful, memories of the good things that happened. That does not mean the bad things did not happen, at all. It just means that this specific quality has been designed into our brains for survival.
You sound like a compassionate person. Please do not forget that BPD is not really a condition. It's a character disturbance, not a disease. That means that something can be done, if the affected person really wants to. It just takes a lot of ... .character.

Kuddos to you,
Fie

[Mavrik]

Like many people who have conditions, illnesses, ailments of all kinds, if you asked them their opinion I'm sure no one wants the condition. Just like those who are BPD it's a shame as they didn't want it and were inflicted.

What great lovely beautiful people they would be if they didn't have this

[Idsrvt2]

I'm in a similar place you are right now.  During the relationship with my bod I was going thru a lot of my own personal stress... last week some of that lifted and it was odd really as my hate for him also started to lift.

My councilor gave me an assignment to write a letter to my x and not send it , so I did and it wasn't full of hate... .then I took down all the hate in my social media and placed a msg of peace ... as I know he checks it.

My x is in therapy, he would tell me that he wants to get out of his head and it has a hold on him... .he described what he goes thru... .it sounds like pure torture.  That being said he got the false protective order on me.  And we had silent battles in court his atty told me he only dumped me as he felt I deserved better.

I miss the good side of my x
The fun, carefree person
Helpful, that would massage my neck, take me shopping and hug and hold me

I miss him stopping during his lunch and giving me a kiss

But who I miss is the guy I got to know the act he puts on for everyone, the guy that made me laugh daily, the guy that would say goofy things to make me laugh... that person vanished in the relationship.

What I don't miss is him leaving me at nite, not spending the nite, rushing home to be online, dumping me for what he called rants, me setting boundaries... .
him saying he deserves to be alone and sitting in a room

I see him from a distance now and he walks on like we never knew each other at all... yet each day he is reminded of me.  That's how detached mine is .

I can o lay hope that one day he finds some peace and maybe one day out of the blue he will thank me ... .but for now I grieve.and try to move on

Like many people who have conditions, illnesses, ailments of all kinds, if you asked them their opinion I'm sure no one wants the condition. Just like those who are BPD it's a shame as they didn't want it and were inflicted.

What great lovely beautiful people they would be if they didn't have this