Hi baba,
I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily, I'm glad that you have found us. I'm sorry to hear that.
You didn't mention if your brother suffers from BPD? What I say next can be applicable to a pwBPD or a person with another mental illness. I have an ex wife that displays BPD traits and a dad that displays anxiety disorder / ADHD traits, neither of them have gotten help for themselves and I'm pretty sure that my dad will never get help.
Read as much as you can about the disorder. I completely understand the emotional and physical toll that you go through when you have a owBPD in your life. Reading about the disorder will do two things, it will help to normalize the behaviour, a part of this emotional distress is that it can get away on you, sometimes will think of the worst situation or that it's hopeless.
There's a fundamental logic to the illogical behaviours that your brother displays, reading about it will make you understand why he behaves the way that he does and what he's going through is to not personal to you. Separate yourself from him and the disorder, learn to become indifferent to the behaviours, not the person, you neither like it or hate it.
You know that by now he's not showing commitment with helping himself, when we wish that someone was different, holding on to that hope that someday they're going to help and get better adds unnecessary stress and suffering. I'm not saying that it's 100 % sure that he's not going to get help, there's always that 2% chance. I'll put it another to you another.
When you go against reality's current, don't flow it and don't accept reality as it is and you suffer, accept reality as it is with the good, the bad all of it, we can get let go of a lot of stress and pain. Accept things for what they are not for what you wish them to be. You're brother is who he is. I'll give you a link to radical acceptance and you can take a look at the lessons on the right side of the board
You're not alone.
Radical Acceptance For Family Members (DBT skill)
