New to all of this

[Sasquatch84]

Hello world out there,

I have anger issues and go to therapy. While there I obviously talked about my SO. My psychiatrist believes that she has BPD. I am not really sure what it is exactly. Have no fecking clue how to deal with it. haha. So my therapist told me to look into this and that it might help me. I do love my SO very much and when she isn't getting mad at every little thing, becoming farther and farther apart, she is completely amazing! We have a 2 year old. She is a stay at home mom, I work 2 jobs, and we have 1 car. We don't really have any support with our daughter from either of our familys. Monday through sunday involve me getting up before bed and hopefully leaving before anyone wakes up. Working 9 hours. Then going home and taking over Boo control. Put her to bed. Eat something. Then go to sleep. While i'm away i really have no idea what my SO does, not very forthcoming. When i get home she sits down gets on her phone and unless i piss her off, our daughter pisses her off, or she just wants to tell me all the things that I don't do right that is all she does. Phone and weed. Sundays. I wake up with our daughter and my SO sleeps in. Then she wakes up and gets mad about something. My daughter and i go outside. She gets on her phone and that is basically where she stays all day. She refuses to be a part of me and my daughters games. Doesn't want to spend time with me. All she wants is to just leave. So when i tell her to do so? She hops on her phone and thats it. And i don't tell her to leave for good. I tell her to just get out of the house. She never does. I feel stuck. I am too scared to make any kind of decision. I'm too scared to talk to her. I'm depressed. Anxious. And extremely fidgety. I can't stop moving. Even as i write this my leg is bouncing up and down at a hundred miles an hour. I just don't know what to do anymore and divorce is a completely last option for me, not sure about her though. haha

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hey Sasquatch84, and

im sorry to hear about your circumstances, but i am glad you found us. i remember when i learned about BPD, and what a whole new world it felt like.

you have some major positives on your side:

- you are seeing a therapist (high recommended).
- most of the advice around here begins with not making matters worse. it sounds like youre avoiding that, which is great, but perhaps walking on eggshells a bit, and that may be why you feel stuck.

so, certainly, i recommend getting more acquainted with not just BPD, but the tools (lessons) directly to the right of the board.

how long have the two of you been together? would you say her refusal to participate is your biggest obstacle at the moment?

[Mutt]

Hi sasquatch84,



I'd like to join once removed and welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sad to hear that your SO pushes you and your D away with her avoidant behaviours.

I know that it's difficult when you don't have family to help from time to time. Also  there's more to life than wake up > work > go through the motions. I completely understand how you'd feel anxious and depressed. I see that you're seeing a T, he or she may have already suggested this, I think that a good starting point is taking care of you. Self care is important and it's especially important when your SO has BPD traits, it will help with your depression and anxiety and to not feel like your burning the candle at both ends.

Another part of taking care of yourself is taking care of your depression / anxiety, I mentioned self care is a part of the recipe, a vigorous work out can help ease the symptoms for awhile, a regular gym routine can keep the symptoms under control for many people, it will boost your mood, alleviate tension and make you feel better. The last part of the recipe is talking to an MD or GP about depression. Have you talked to your GP?