Saying hello

[bastapasta]

Happy to be here--thank you!

My brother-in-law (sister's husband) is diagnosed bipolar and exhibits BPD traits. Not sure if he is dBPD - he may be. My sister ("adopted" into our family as an adult - not legally), functions day-to-day, but drags her feet on important life issues such as finding work resources, enrolling the girls in school, resolving legal issues, etc. She is a loving mother to the 2 preschool age girls that I adore and dote on. As to him, he cannot hold down a job, has drug and alcohol issues and is on probation for hitting my sister in front of the girls. She is codependent (surprise).

The stress of each crisis that rolls through is reaching the point of unbearable. My family supports them financially, and this is becoming unbearable (and unsustainable). She has immigration issues to be sorted so she can't work yet. These immigration issues should have been taken care of years ago, but here we are.

I have a no contact rule with the brother in law. This line was drawn to protect me and my mother and I have no regrets. I'm trying to accept I can't save the children but I can be in their life and love them. Figuring out how to do that will be challenging, and I'm looking forward to reading more here and offering support when I can.

Thanks everyone.

[Mutt]

Hi bastapasta,



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily   I like how you're self protecting against bad behaviours, they could've from BPD behaviours or just dysfunctional behaviours too. We only have control over two things - our thoughts and feelings.

I'm sorry to hear about the kids, do you have nieces or nephews? How often do you see them? I'm glad that you decided to sign up, you're not alone.

[bastapasta]

Thank you Mutt for the welcome and the support.

Yes I have a large extended family, but for privacy reasons I will limit my board discussions mostly to the in-law in question. The children involved are so young and I am very attached to them and vice versa. I see them about once a week but sometimes more often. Sweet kids and they know I love them.

 

[dillpickle]

Hi bastapasta, just dropping by to say hello.

I know you say that you can't save the children, but I think that your presence in their lives will help a great deal. If they know that you are there, and that you love and care for them, it will help them realize that they can reach out to you for support if needed. Having a loving uncle or aunt to dote on you is always pretty special.

[bastapasta]

Thank you dillpickle Your supportive words mean a lot.

Yes I stress out knowing they are going to have it tough because of their parents. Every time my sister takes back my BIL, she sends these young girls a message that his actions are acceptable and this is how a man is supposed to treat a woman. Last month, the older girl told me "I don't like my daddy... .he's mean." He oscillates between being mean, withdrawing and abusing drugs, and threatening suicide, the last one being where we stand this week.

My wise mother has been right beside me on this journey (having survived massive psychological trauma in her FOO), and advised me that I'm too tied up in this situation - rescuing my sister all the time - especially financially. My mom's right, and I'm grieving at the thought of stepping away knowing the kids would suffer.

These girls are bright, happy and full of joy. I just want them to have a good life, so this all makes me very sad.