Intro

[Worth.a.try]

My mother has never been diagnosed and at this point in life would never admit to having BPD but fits almost every symptom and has for as long as I can remember.  My dad and siblings and I have always been in a cycle of either fighting with  or trying to appease her.  She is at once the most loving strong smart caring mom and also the most manipulative, guilt giving, verbally abusive person I know.  She is constantly offended, always the victim, super controlling,... .  and yet I always feel guilty that I'm not a loving enough daughter and because I still react and get mad and mean when she pushes my buttons even though I know there is no point trying to reason with her because she cannot let anyone else be right except her, and if you give her solid evidence she starts crying and says you're mean.  I have a lot of anxiety and communication perceptions that I thought were normal because that's how I was raised and I am just now realizing they aren't normal.  My dad was handicapped recently and she is his primary caregiver and he is trapped under her thumb and when my siblings and I disagree with her at all she takes it out on him.  I constantly feel guilty about everything.  About not being good enough to my mom and not helping my dad more but I can't stand being around my mom half the time.  Trying to better myself and my responses, learn more, react less, learn to be emotionally healthy so I don't become just like her. 

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Worth.a.try! Welcome! 

I'm glad you've come to join us.  There is a lot of support here amongst us, all joined by our struggles with a pwBPD in our lives. How did you find out about our site? A lot of information can be found in the column to the right ------>> > Anything you click on will open up into a larger window.

Did you just recently discover BPD or has it been something you've been aware of for some time? If it is a newer discovery, perhaps you are going through an adjustment stage of trying to absorb as much as you can, not only about the disorder, but also about how it has affected you. Which place do you feel you are in, and what step best describes your journey to this point?

My mom was also an uBPD. I learned about BPD through a class in college when we were studying psychological disorders. I'd always thought something wasn't quite right with my mom, but nothing fit... .until I read about BPD. I was too afraid that I was wrong, so I asked my sister what she thought. She cried as she read through the symptoms, and we both knew we had finally found what fit our mom. It is a hard discovery, yet brings relief too, to know that we are not crazy as we'd always thought and been taught we were. A hug for you.   You are not alone.

Your mom sounds like mine, rather high functioning but crazy making at the same time. Sounds as if there is a lot on your plate right now and you don't know which way to turn. Have you ever read the book Surviving a Borderline Parent? It was the first book I picked up about BPD, and I'm really glad that I found it early on in my journey. I'll post the link below for you to our book review. It is a very worthwhile book in my opinion, truly being a guide for me. It was a process going through it, each page opening up more and more of how deeply a child of a pwBPD is affected. Do you have a T you've seen who can help you walk through this tough time?

Surviving a Borderline Parent

Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)

This second link may be helpful to you as you navigate through the feelings of guilt(FOG). Are you able to identify what your feelings are? That took me a while to start to relearn what it was to feel because I had suppressed my feelings for so long.

Please continue to post and let me know how you are doing!

 
Wools