Exhuasted

[lighthouse26]

Im just so very tired of trying to make sense of all of this. My boyfriend lives in constant chaos and has a new problem with me and life in general every few minutes. BPD seems hopeless. He is currently in therapy but it seems like it isnt helping. He has raged out of control lately and it seems to be getting worse by the day. I feel like if I give up on this relationship he will never find anyone else who will journey through this without him. He is a terrific person and I love him but I'm losing myself to try to keep him afloat. I am currently reading Stop Walking On Eggshells which is informative but it makes me feel even more hopeless that I can do this with him and that he will get better.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi lighthouse,

Welcome ,

I'm sorry that you are going through so much hopelessness right now. Living with someone with BPD can really wear us down and cause us to have difficulty in our lives. My H also has a new drama everyday. For me sometimes I'm glad when he is focused on someone else and not me. 

You've found a great place here. One thing to remember is that you can't fix him. You can't change him. You can't make him do anything he is not ready to do. You can only change yourself. We have a lot of great resources on the right side of the page.

You mentioned that he is in counseling. Is he seeing the right type of counselor? For someone with BPD, the type of T that seems to work well is DBT therapy. Could your H look at finding a new counselor or specialized in this therapy? What about you? Have you considered getting counseling for yourself to help you in your own struggles with the relationship? I know for me T really helped quite a bit.

To get you started here is one of our workshops on enmeshment and co-dependency.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=111772.0