Learning to get along with my BPD sister after many years

[crispy56]

I have never had a good relationship with my sister.  The relief I felt when she was diagnosed with astonishing to me.  I always felt guilty about her.  Now I do not.  She recently moved to the same town as me.  I want to maintain the peace I have in my life.  Fifty years of learned reactions will not go away easily. 

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Crispy56! 

Welcome! You are absolutely right. 50 years of those learned reactions don't go away quickly! I understand because my mom was an uBPD. I am still in recovery from the way I learned to protect myself. Those reactions are normal for us to help guard our hearts. You do not need to feel guilty for having them.

There is a book I read in which the author says how she was glad to know that her mom had BPD because it helped her to feel as if there was a reason for all the hurt she felt. Here is the book link:

Missing: Coming to Terms with a Borderline Mother

While you are not speaking of your mom but rather your sister, this book may encourage you as you process the relationship you have with your sister.

What are some of the most challenging behaviors that you have had to deal with in your relationship with her?

 
Wools

[P.F.Change]

Hi, crispy56!

I'm glad your sister's diagnosis helped you let go of the guilt you felt about not having a good relationship with her. I understand you want to be able to maintain the peacefulness of your life since she moved to your town. I have felt a lot more peace since putting distance between me and my mother with BPD. Do you have contact with your sister, and if so how often do you talk to her or see her? Are there specific triggers that cause unpleasant reactions in you?

We have a lot of tools available here that can help you maintain your personal boundaries and sense of peace. This is one of my favorites: Boundaries and Values. And this one helped me learn ways to center myself and respond more thoughtfully: How to stop reacting.

We hope to hear more from you when you're ready.

P.F.