Hi
Crispy56!
Welcome! You are absolutely right. 50 years of those learned reactions don't go away quickly! I understand because my mom was an uBPD. I am still in recovery from the way I learned to protect myself. Those reactions are normal for us to help guard our hearts. You do not need to feel guilty for having them.
There is a book I read in which the author says how she was glad to know that her mom had BPD because it helped her to feel as if there was a reason for all the hurt she felt. Here is the book link:
Missing: Coming to Terms with a Borderline MotherWhile you are not speaking of your mom but rather your sister, this book may encourage you as you process the relationship you have with your sister.
What are some of the most challenging behaviors that you have had to deal with in your relationship with her?
Wools