pain

[Depression = 72% of members]

My wife has left me and we are almost divorced.  The last several months have been hell.  The things she said to me and called me... .only a day after telling me she loved me.  I have read so much about BPD and have no doubt what has happened.  It is the pain... .the unending sense of pain and near complete destruction of my ego and sense of self.  How do you cope?

[Broken2014]

My wife has left me and we are almost divorced.  The last several months have been hell.  The things she said to me and called me... .only a day after telling me she loved me.  I have read so much about BPD and have no doubt what has happened.  It is the pain... .the unending sense of pain and near complete destruction of my ego and sense of self.  How do you cope?

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Broken2014,

Welcome to the family    I'm sorry that you had cause to find us, however relieved that you did.  You're in the right place to find others who can relate to what you're going through and be understood.  What you describe sounds like what many of us have experienced and is truly awful.  The good news is that it does get better as many can testify here. 

Would you like to share a little of your story?  Putting pen to paper (or in this case fingers to keys) can be very cathartic and help to get some of those feelings out. 

Is your wife diagnosed?  What were the traits that were most difficult for you in the r/s? 

Regards your question I can say that the only way out is through.  It is really hard, and may feel that way for some time, however day by day it begins to ease and gradually I was able to notice things that were positive in my life for the fact that we were no longer together.  That's when I knew that I was healing.

How do you spend your time?  It's really important to take good care of yourself right now and to do things (that you possibly don't have the will to), which will be positive for you on a personal level.  Such as connecting with others, spending time with supportive friends and family - those who love you and can show you that you are lovable and have worth to them.  Find ways to introduce new or pick up old hobbies and things you enjoy to restore some sense of well being and joy to yourself.  Most importantly, allow the feelings to come and allow them to go.  Accepting this is part of the process is far better than trying to fight the discomfort of the feelings as they arise.  Give yourself the space to grieve. 

Re building yourself takes time and effort however it can be done.  It may sound impossible right now, but many have walked this path and gone on to lead emotionally healthy and fulfilling lives after a BPD r/s.  At the moment, you have a broken heart to deal with, so take it day by day and be patient with yourself.  Rome wasn't built in a day and neither are we. 

Keep reading and posting.  We're here for you.

Love and light x     

[Mutt]

Hi Broken2014,



I’d like to join Harley Quinn and welcome you to the family. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Harley Quinn was articulate in her post and I’d just like to dress one part with you. A way to cope with this is to not carry the load by yourself, share that load with others, talk about your experience, your feelings, your heartbreak with people that have been or are in the same spot as you’re in. You’re not alone. Hang in there.