I'll take it

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

There was an email exchange that concerned me with pwBPD. We still communicate because of finances and logistics. Periodically he pings me about our relationship. This one was more probing and less blaming. So I talked a little about what I working on with my counsellor. I didn't blame or dig very deep. I just wanted to show that I'm getting healthier. I didn't talk at all about working on my codependent tendencies.

I braced myself. Nope. Very reasonable, even polite.

I realize that folks with BPD have major ups-and-downs, and that this may change.

I think that showing that I'm getting better was good.

[MeandThee29]

There was an email exchange that concerned me with pwBPD. We still communicate because of finances and logistics. Periodically he pings me about our relationship. This one was more probing and less blaming. So I talked a little about what I working on with my counsellor. I didn't blame or dig very deep. I just wanted to show that I'm getting healthier. I didn't talk at all about working on my codependent tendencies.

I braced myself. Nope. Very reasonable, even polite.

I realize that folks with BPD have major ups-and-downs, and that this may change.

I think that showing that I'm getting better was good.

[40days_in_desert]

MeandThee29, your post reminds me of what I intentionally remind myself of. That my ex is not in constant unreasonable and verbally abusive mode all the time and yes, she can seem to be quite reasonable at times.

I agree with you and I also take it as a plus when interactions like this happen. Us non's have to be careful not to get sucked into thinking our pwBPD could stay polite and reasonable. Remember to keep your guard up because sooner or later, it will change. I was pretty bad about maintaining consistent boundaries at first because of the major ups-and-downs.

Glad to hear the positive!

[MeandThee29]

I agree with you and I also take it as a plus when interactions like this happen. Us non's have to be careful not to get sucked into thinking our pwBPD could stay polite and reasonable. Remember to keep your guard up because sooner or later, it will change. I was pretty bad about maintaining consistent boundaries at first because of the major ups-and-downs.

One day at a time. Trite but true.

[MeandThee29]

I knew it.

To quote, "I'm here for you 24/7, anytime. I still love you and miss you everyday. I wish we were together again."

Sorry, pwBPD. You're not there for me. Not that way.

[MeandThee29]

I knew it.

To quote, "I'm here for you 24/7, anytime. I still love you and miss you everyday. I wish we were together again."

Sorry, pwBPD. You're not there for me. Not that way.

Sorry for the frustration. I opened the door. I did. I'm still learning.

[40days_in_desert]

We all get frustrated at times. I just did today after the latest from my ex. The important thing is that you don't seem to be stuck in frustration.

I understand!

[MeandThee29]

We all get frustrated at times. I just did today after the latest from my ex. The important thing is that you don't seem to be stuck in frustration.

I understand!

Thanks. At times I just want everything to be normal. Some months ago I considered flying up to see him over the holidays at a relative's house. That shows how little I really knew of what was going on between his BPD and my codependency.

And as if I am the only one with problems and the sole reason for the breakup.

Ah well, live and learn. I let it go and slept fine last night.

[Seenowayout]

And as if I am the only one with problems and the sole reason for the breakup.

This is the key point, isn't it MeandThee?  Hang on to that thought.  It helps keep that door closed.