The strength you all give me

[Shoct]

I have read so many tales from our fellow BPD family members that make my situation sound like a walk in the park. People that were in a relationship for years, decades. Kids involved, lives ruined, money lost, homes destroyed. Catching your ex cheating, or having to work with your ex, or seeing them in your small town, etc.

I read some of your stories and I just can't imagine the pain that you went through. I cannot tell you how much I admire and respect everyone's ability to move forward, stay strong and focus on yourselves.

So many times I felt like I was drowning, or falling, or just a state of near nervous breakdown. A total lose of control, like my brain has been hijacked by a madman intent on conjuring up the most upsetting memories (which are the ones that make me miss my ex), or formulating the most poisonous 'what if' scenarios (always involving her being happy and in love with someone else--however awful that sounds).

Yet, as mentioned, my situation is so far from life damaging than others have made it through.

You guys have helped me so much. And I cannot tell you how lucky I feel to have a site filled with some of the most caring and supportive people.

Thank you all

[Inside]

Agreed.  I would like to mention, though I’ve not kept track of my BP-X, I’ve learned they’ll never 'be happily in love forever.'  So we may feel free to realize what we experienced was truely unsustainable, that ultimately, no one was going to live happily ever after.  Convinced that both parties deeply sought that, ultimately, neither were responsible for its demise. 

BPD is permanent, with research I trust describing damage too deep within the brain to ever be repaired.  But, like a successful virus, the subsequent behavior is self replicating … and likely to remain within humanity forever. 

When not popping back here, feeling a need to repay what had been given to me, I attempt to describe BPD behavior to the unaware.  As both its name and classification appear in flux, we recognize it, and always will.  I only wish I were able to do as much for those with the condition as for those, like myself, having become it's host…  But this site has no doubt saved lives 

[Mutt]

Hi Shoct,

I understand what you’re saying someone else always has it tougher than you. I always found that invalidating because your experience is just as valid as anyone else’s and an important part of the healing process that we do for each other is validation.

I can’t fathom what life could of been like if I hadn’t found this forum, it’s  a scary feeling. I think that I’d would of still been attached to my ex if I hadn’t found someone else like you to listen to me.

Lastly I agree with Inside, this place offers distressed members a lifeline, i was a distressed member and I choose to give back the help that was given to me. It’s like your title suggests sometimes we can’t make it on our own and with the united help from others we can move forward.

[Shoct]

thank you so much Mutt for your supportive posts and all that you do to help everyone here

Honestly, I never thought i would ever need a site like this, but now it is a lifeline.

[Shoct]

hi Inside,

Thanks for writing. And the idea that pwBPD won't be able to have a sustainable, loving, true relationship is an idea that, no matter how many times I read about it, I keep losing sight of.

My ex has a smile that could melt a glacier, and she had an amazing ability to project happiness and love. I have beat myself up (again, despite her telling me her diagnosis -- she also has PMDD and PTSD) about how I could have been better, more supportive, more loving, kinder, more patient, and on and on. In these moments, which used to be nearly constant, I would envision her with another man and them living happy ever after as I struggle through darkness.

This site and hearing from others, especially those that were recycled numerous times, is slowly chipping away at the idea that she is capable of having a healthy and co-equally supportive r/s