our adult son

[KNOWLEDGE]

he has this disorder and i dont know how to react to his distructive behavior. His wife takes him back after knowing he is with another women,says that he cant leave her.  He goes between both always lying. there are also children involved. do i confrnt him, ignore it, so much holding my breath around him. I cant stand to observe this pain he causes. i am told that asking him q's about what hes doing, then he disappears again w/no call.  i am afraid for him and myself.





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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello Knowledge and welcome.

There can be lots of heartache for us parents who have children exhibiting BPD behaviours... .and even worse when there are young children (our grandchildren) caught in the middle.  Sadly, our hands are tied many times when it comes to being able to help them.

In reading one of the many posts on this board, one person wrote... ."never lose a battle with your child... .so pick your battles carefully."  I think of your son's infidelities... .having a wife and also seeing another woman.  I can only imagine how badly you feel about this... .but... .that is really between them.  Your son is smart enough to know that you don't condone this kind of behaviour.  Your silence can be powerful. 

It is important, Knowledge, that you look after yourself.  You cannot change your son.  He is in his own control.  Sadly, he is hurting others.

I hope you keep posting,  We are here to support each other... .share our hurts... .our joys (and there are some of those!).  It has been a comfort to me to know I am not alone... .and neither are you.  There is so much information available to you on this website.  Nothing will change overnight but whatever change comes about starts with babysteps.

((HUGS) to you, Knowledge!

Huat

[Feeling Better]

Hello KNOWLEDGE and welcome, I am so sorry to hear of the situation that you currently find yourself in, it must be very distressing for you.

You say that your son has this disorder, does he have a diagnosis or treatment of any kind?

There are lots of tools and resources on this site that are here to help you, you can learn such a lot from them. And of course there's lots of support here too.

I understand how hard it must be for you, standing on the sidelines feeling helpless, especially when young children are involved, but it's his life and it's his choices, no one makes him behave the way he does. It's not your job to fix him, we've all been there, I'm as guilty as anyone of trying to fix things. It doesn't work and it can sometimes make things worse.

You want to do something but don't know what to do. I'm sure your daughter in law welcomes your support, it sounds like you are there for her already, and your grand children. Do what you can for them I'm sure they will thank you for it. Above all else, remember to take care of yourself x