why do i keep falling for it...desperate seeking sanity with BPD woman

[dumpsterdog]

BPD 53 yr old woman in menopause……….wow…….what a science project……….makes me want to jump off a bridge every time I think things mighgt be opk…... 6 years together ... I’ve moved out three time due to incredibly inconsiderate, downright thoughtless selfish ______ greedy bad behavior…….most recently... I came home for the holidays to visit family from a different state, and while there , a barn collapsed on me and broke 11 ribs and two bones in my knee , torn ACL, and meniscus ……so I’m staying with family till I’m healed because so told me... ” I don’t want you back here ... i don’t want to take care of you...
What a _____…ok…... so we still talk on the phone…last night she had a little breakdown on the phone because she said she had a dream about her dog who has died……so i listened, sympathized etc... She cried etc……i waited till she was through to talk about me…she said how’s things...
 ” well, my entire family has gone on vacation, so I’m here alone in the middle of nowhere with no other people around for miles, can’t walk, can’t drive, laying still most of the time… “and it sucks right now “ told her the truth
her reply... ” i don’t want to hear your whining... you are lucky to have a family period “….just blew my mind after i listened to her about her dead dog, ( which happened way back in June )….i have life changing injuries and she ” doesn’t want to hear about it.”
What a complete _____…i told her she was very rude and hung up on her. Then emailed her and explained why this was so rude after I just sat and sympathized with her to just turn on me like that…... I’m having no contact for a while because it just makes me feel bad …and I don’t need that right now.
She email replied a couple days later... ” don’t call me , don’t test me, you abandoned me long before you left “
The only time I have ever left her was because she kicked me out…... why doesn’t she see this, and why doesn’t she see that I have tried soo very hard for soo long to be there for her... ?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

dumpsterdog,

First, I'm sorry to hear about the barn collapse.  Those sound like miserable injuries to recover from.  I'm glad your injuries were not more severe.

Second, you've found a community of people who understand firsthand the intense frustration of dealing with the behaviors of someone with BPD.  As much as we'd like to, we can't directly change the behavior of others.  We can change how we interact with our person with BPD, and that can definitely lead to some improvements in how things go for us.

So, tell us where you think you want to go.  It sounds like you'd like to help things get better.  If you're willing to put some effort into learning some coping tools, this is a great place to do it.

WW