She says I am lying to myself that I don't want to be with her

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I struggle with whether it is forgiveable seeing others after a breakup but both don't want things to be over. My ex started seeing someone 2 months after I left her, but continues to want to work on things and still wants to be with me. She keeps telling me I'll never be happy with anyone else like I was with her and never love anyone like I loved her. She says I am lying to myself that I don't want to be with her.

That said, she is a pretty extreme BPD. She got angry at me Monday because she thought I was talking to a girl, which is odd because she's dating someone else. Why would she care? Should I care she's with someone? We aren't a couple. Who knows.

Mod note: This post was split from this thread: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=321797.0

[southside420]

I struggle with whether it is forgiveable seeing others after a breakup but both don't want things to be over. My ex started seeing someone 2 months after I left her, but continues to want to work on things and still wants to be with me. She keeps telling me I'll never be happy with anyone else like I was with her and never love anyone like I loved her. She says I am lying to myself that I don't want to be with her.

That said, she is a pretty extreme BPD. She got angry at me Monday because she thought I was talking to a girl, which is odd because she's dating someone else. Why would she care? Should I care she's with someone? We aren't a couple. Who knows.

Mod note: This post was split from this thread: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=321797.0

[Aiko]

Mine said same thing. But she is controlling manipulative narcisistic on and on.  And when after all of what you just said in your post, I didn't take her back for the last time, I am now the black as night to her, hated, and I will never live up to how good her current bf is.
Maybe try an experiment, maybe don't take her back, let her keep on with her current bag of tricks and see what she thinks about you in a week or two.

[southside420]

Mine said same thing. But she is controlling manipulative narcisistic on and on.  And when after all of what you just said in your post, I didn't take her back for the last time, I am now the black as night to her, hated, and I will never live up to how good her current bf is.
Maybe try an experiment, maybe don't take her back, let her keep on with her current bag of tricks and see what she thinks about you in a week or two.

As is mine... .it's almost like she keeps hanging on thinking I'll come back when I am nowhere near being ready to even consider that, and likely never will take her back due to all the drama. Sometimes I think it would be easier if she was plastering him all over social media, telling me she loves him and he's her boyfriend rather than her just telling me how he isn't any of those things. It's just very odd how she hasn't put up pictures of them all over the place given that's what she was doing with me weeks into dating.

She's been saying I'm lying to myself for over a month now. I don't understand why she's even dating this guy at all if her words are true, and I am unsure if they are at all.

[once removed]

look at some of these things through the prism of BPD.

people with BPD are notoriously impulsive, with little thought of consequences or long term ramifications.

overlapping partners is pretty common; not unique to BPD, but a hallmark of emotional immaturity.

the loss of an attachment is something that people with BPD have a great deal of trouble processing. denial, and other coping mechanisms, are common.

have a look through the lessons to the right of the board, and the other resources we have. it really helps to get a grasp for the disorder; helps make sense of things that seemingly make no sense to us, helps us understand how to deal.

[southside420]

Last night, she messaged me saying she had a job opportunity in her home city, about 3 hours away from where we live now. She said she was considering it but not sold. She said if I was willing to work on things with her, she would stay here but if I didn't want to, she had no reason to be in this city anymore.

I am just so crushed. I don't know why but I guess the thought of her leaving town hurts more than anything else has so far. The problem is, I don't even know if she is serious or if she's using this again to manipulate me into talking to her. I've always thought she'd leave town once we split, but I still had hope that maybe someday, we'd find each other again.

[once removed]

remember, if you want to get back with her, or explore the idea, the Bettering board is there for you.

if you want to detach, the advice is mostly going to be "leave, cut her off, block her, kick her to the curb".

it really depends on your goals.