Feeling Lost...and confused on where to go from here

[infinitehope]

Hey there my BPD Family,

So glad you all are here.  My story is long, but I'll keep it brief for now.  I've been married to my husband for 20 years.  In October of 2012 my husband suffered from an episode of bels palsy and things just haven't been the same since.  We have two beautiful children who are now 16 and 18.  Effects from the bels palsy caused mood swings, depression, intermittent outbursts and emotional abuse, mainly targeting our 16 year old son, and I was a close second. The kids and I suffered greatly and for 2-3 years I begged my husband to get help.  By the time he agreed, the damage had been done and I was just miserable and over it.  No therapist, except my individual therapist, believed he had BPD and he was able to fool them all.  I laid out the divorce papers because it was the only card in the deck I had left.  That was last summer and since then we have fought hard to get back on the right track.  I withdrew the filing last September.  Unfortunately, our son, has truly gotten the raw deal.  Since he was 12 he has been off and on suffering from depression and anxiety, lost interest in a sport he was strong and talented in, lost his self confidence, which has resulted in having to pull him out of school late last semester as he was failing 5 of 7 classes, when he used to be a straight A student.  Socially he holds onto a few elementary school friends he is close to, but has disengaged in anything else socially or activity wise. Video games became my son's security blanket and now it is the biggest source of contention in my house and triggers my husband daily.  Our son has a horrible relationship with his Dad and I feel like I am in the middle.  We don't agree on parenting style and my husband is so emotionally immature, passive aggressive and manipulative, making it difficult to move forward.  We've tried counseling and then my husband got medicine and he was going to therapy and a psychiatrist, but he has since stopped seeing the therapist and it is truly starting to show.  I just don't know what to do.  I want so desperately for both of them to get well, but I'm so worried I'm going to lose my son if I don't make some decisions. 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi infinitehope,



Id like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I’m sorry that you’re going through this it has to be hard to watch your child regress and feeling like you can’t control anything it sounds like H is floundering because he doesnt know what to do. Have you to an MD for depression?

Im glad that you decided to join us there is hope. Many of us here can relate with you and offer you guidance and support. You’re not alone.

[Speck]

Hello, infinitehope!

 

I'd like to join Mutt in welcoming you to the forums. I'm sorry for what brought you here, but I'm glad you're with us. We help and support each other here, and that's what you should expect.

I know you're here by way of sorrow, but I really like your username, as it's very positive. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I do have some things to add:

We don't agree on parenting style and my husband is so emotionally immature, passive aggressive and manipulative, making it difficult to move forward.  We've tried counseling and then my husband got medicine and he was going to therapy and a psychiatrist, but he has since stopped seeing the therapist and it is truly starting to show.

In what ways are things disintegrating with your husband's behavior? Does he acknowledge that his behavior is harming his family?

I just don't know what to do.  I want so desperately for both of them to get well, but I'm so worried I'm going to lose my son if I don't make some decisions.

 

I hear your frustration, and I'm so sorry that this is happening in your life. Since you recognize that your husband is displaying BPD traits, do you think that you're up for reviewing the site material on bettering communication and decreasing conflict in this very tenuous relationship? I know your life is difficult now, but knowledge will help you make the right decisions. Please, when you have time, I encourage you to read the articles and workshops as they will give you some good skills with communicating with your husband, so as to make life more bearable for you at home.

Please tell us more when you're comfortable doing so and feel free to let us know how things are going for you. Someone here is always listening. You are NOT alone.

Keep writing, keep processing, keep learning!


-Speck