My ex I believe has BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

Well guys. I hope you can give me some clarity here for your personal experience. Back story:

The girl was abandoned by her parents so her grandparents raised her and her sister. They favored her sister and they are like night and day. Where her sister is calm and free, my ex was depressed and angry.

On our first date it went bad and I told her I’ll just talk to her tomorrow and she dropped to her knees and cried saying everyone leaves her. I guess I have the savior complex. We have broken up 4 times and every time she gets in a relationship ship within a few days, and she goes cold turkey. Yet in a few months she always sends that “hey” text. I truly love this girl, but she tends to always leave or cause me to leave if she THINKS I’m leaving or we’re not doing well. She said she’s unstable and that she truly loves me, but the next day she said were not truly in love and blocked me. Also her mother is diagnosed bi polar.

We talked again a month ago... and Two weeks ago she told me I was her world and she loves me with all of her heart. We argued on the phone when she was at a concert, to which she blames me for everything, and she met another guy. She I ignored me this week and I saw on her phone where she was talking Sex with this guy. I left her and she tried to get back with me for two days. Then went cold jerky, saying That she doesn’t wanna be with me and that she trusts this new guy.

Funny thing is the previous week she took me to clear water, paid for everything, and spends a load of time with me. She switched on me quick and seemingly cold once she I guess thought I’d leave her. It’s as if she never cared at all, is this normal for BPD? To utilize a defensive mechanism. Also she puts all the blame on me, but I never started a single argument, it was always her and her thousand different needs.

She has a severe issue handling her emotions, the slightest thing can cause her to go depressed or have bad anxiety.


It really hurts because ever since I fell for this girl I’ve wanted her to be the one. I’m thinking she has this disorder, what do you guys think.? I think it would give me somewhat closure if it was a disorder and not just her in general. All of her relationships have ended the same. Her ex and me talked and we connected on a lot of different levels. Train wreck relationships.

I feel like I wasn’t there for her but I know that’s faulty thinking. Anyways any tips or advice or filling me in on how you interpret this would be beneficial

[Tre]

Well guys. I hope you can give me some clarity here for your personal experience. Back story:

The girl was abandoned by her parents so her grandparents raised her and her sister. They favored her sister and they are like night and day. Where her sister is calm and free, my ex was depressed and angry.

On our first date it went bad and I told her I’ll just talk to her tomorrow and she dropped to her knees and cried saying everyone leaves her. I guess I have the savior complex. We have broken up 4 times and every time she gets in a relationship ship within a few days, and she goes cold turkey. Yet in a few months she always sends that “hey” text. I truly love this girl, but she tends to always leave or cause me to leave if she THINKS I’m leaving or we’re not doing well. She said she’s unstable and that she truly loves me, but the next day she said were not truly in love and blocked me. Also her mother is diagnosed bi polar.

We talked again a month ago... and Two weeks ago she told me I was her world and she loves me with all of her heart. We argued on the phone when she was at a concert, to which she blames me for everything, and she met another guy. She I ignored me this week and I saw on her phone where she was talking Sex with this guy. I left her and she tried to get back with me for two days. Then went cold jerky, saying That she doesn’t wanna be with me and that she trusts this new guy.

Funny thing is the previous week she took me to clear water, paid for everything, and spends a load of time with me. She switched on me quick and seemingly cold once she I guess thought I’d leave her. It’s as if she never cared at all, is this normal for BPD? To utilize a defensive mechanism. Also she puts all the blame on me, but I never started a single argument, it was always her and her thousand different needs.

She has a severe issue handling her emotions, the slightest thing can cause her to go depressed or have bad anxiety.


It really hurts because ever since I fell for this girl I’ve wanted her to be the one. I’m thinking she has this disorder, what do you guys think.? I think it would give me somewhat closure if it was a disorder and not just her in general. All of her relationships have ended the same. Her ex and me talked and we connected on a lot of different levels. Train wreck relationships.

I feel like I wasn’t there for her but I know that’s faulty thinking. Anyways any tips or advice or filling me in on how you interpret this would be beneficial

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Tre,



Many of the members here, myself included, have a SO or family member who have no official diagnosis. A lot of us find that it is nevertheless helpful to focus on identifying our partners traits and working with things from there. It sounds like she has issues with abandonment and emotional sensitivity as you’ve described it. Do you believe she has some, most, or all of the traits?

Does she have any self awareness about these issues?

How do you with cope with all of this thus far?

with compassion, pearl.

[Tre]

She is aware she has issues. She has told me before that she is sad that she is unstable and is not good enough for me. However then she will say that she is fine, ready to leave her abandonment issues beyond and move on. She usually gets this way when we break up or she thinks we will.

I deal with it not so well, I am getting alittle better, but it’s hard to deal with someone like her. She gets your hopes up, saves everything you ever got her, spends money on you, tells you that you are everything to her. Then you have a bad argument that she started and wanted to continue. ( she wants you to listen, never talk, never try to fix the problem) then she switches like night and day.

She has every symptom that I’ve found honestly.shes on anti depressants on and off, all of her friends have told me she’s extremely difficult to deal with. And the worse part is I still feel bad for her as in I wish I could help , but I know that’s not healthy for me. Thanks for the reply

[pearlsw]

Hi Tre,

Checking back in, hopefully others will join us here as well!

In that she is aware, does she express any interest in getting any treatment?

There can be a healthier way to interact with her... .But it takes a lot of reading and self-discipline in my experience... .If you are up for it, it might make a difference. Have you had much chance to explore the tools offered on this site?

Does she make a lot of break up threats? Which behaviors are causing the most issues for you two?

take care, pearl.

[Tre]

She tends to rapid cycle moods. Like it could be something small and she can get so angry or depressed. And our main issue I couldn’t even tell you. I am not an argumentative person in the slightest, but we would argue all the time. As well as her other past relationships. She tends to blame you for what’s going on, me and her ex talked about that.

She knows she’s got issues, but she tends to act like she’s gdtting better and/or saying things like “ my life is great now” which is doing nothing but suppressing it I think.

After the text I saw of her graphically talking to another man right beside me there’s no going back. I’ve broke up with her three times over other men, so for me I have to stop. I guess I’m just trying to understand why she does the things she does because all of it is clueless, contradictory, and basically just makes no sense to me. She started smoking a lot of pot when she feels anxious but it only helps for a brief period of time.

I’m glad I found his place, it’s good to know I’m not the only guy confused, and completely lost at what’s going on. She definitely has all the traits, including talking bad about her current boyfriend to another guy to get sympathy, and I guess going with whoever she feels that “high” with at that moment to not feel the emptiness she feels. She’s always told me she hates the aspect of me leaving, yet she pushes me away and does things to make me leave