I'm actually relieved that I'm not the only one struggling

[Finallytime2heal]

I am an only child. I have plenty of 1/2 and steps but I am and was raised an only child. I've seen my mother's outburst with others but it's never happened to me. Yes, I knew something wasn't quite right but I write it off as, "she hasn't been taking her medication" (antidepressants). When she blew up at me for something so insignificant I was hurt beyond belief. I was told I'm no longer her daughter, she carried my belongings to the door and told me to get out of her house. Within hours she was texting me, telling me WE were both under a lot of stress (granted my life was going very smoothly prior to this incident). She told my aunt I obviously was having "hormonal changes".

While I continue to get text saying she loves me and she's sure we can work this out, more than anything I want HER to get help. I seeked counseling and discovered the honest truth is... .she probably never will because she doesn't think it's her, it's everyone else. Now I need to learn how to protect myself and my children from these outburst and set boundaries that, hopefully, will allow me to have a relationship with her. Although I realize it will never be a healthy relationship, I'm not ready to abandon the whole thing all together.

I'm so happy to have found this group and am looking forward to seeing how others cope with family members with BPD.

[bluek9]

   WELCOME Finallytime2heal,

              I love your name! Yes it is, and you have found the right spot to do it. I was really glad to read that you sought out therapy. And yes like all of us here you got the soo hard news "She probably never will because she doesn't think it's her". I'm happy too that you want to learn how to protect yourself, that's important. It's sad that you have to your relationship will not be healthy. A silver lining may be that you can come to understand that your mom is suffering on the inside from a mental illness. One of the hardest things to learn is not to take it personally. That part sucks! Since we still feel the hurt caused by someone we love.
              Take care of yourself, keep posting, we are here to listen and encourage.

[Mutt]

Hi Finallytime2heal,

 

I’d like to join bluek9 and welcome you to the family. I can relate with having a family member cause you so much pain and hoping that eventually one day they may validate you and apologize for all of the wrongs that they. Every child deserved to be loved. I think one of the most difficult and most freeing things is coming to the realization that we have to stop wishing for things to be a certain and accept that family member for who they are. I’m glad that you joined the group. You’re not alone.

Are the kids attached to your mom? How is the r/s between her and the kids?

[Speck]

Welcome, Finallytime2heal!

 

Please let me join bluek9 and Mutt in welcoming you to the discussion forums. You, no doubt, see from reading the posts here that you are far from alone.

Thank you for sharing with us what you have thus far:

While I continue to get text saying she loves me and she's sure we can work this out, more than anything I want HER to get help. I seeked counseling and discovered the honest truth is... .she probably never will because she doesn't think it's her, it's everyone else.

Unfortunately, this may be true. But, I applaud your sense that you need a place like this in order to receive the support and guidance necessary in order to preserve a relationship with your mother. We're so glad you're here.

Now I need to learn how to protect myself and my children from these outburst and set boundaries that, hopefully, will allow me to have a relationship with her. Although I realize it will never be a healthy relationship, I'm not ready to abandon the whole thing all together.

Yes, boundaries are a great way to protect yourself and your children from future damage. We can help you with this, and we understand that your boundary-setting muscles may be a little soft right now, and that's okay. Little by little, step by step, we erect healthy boundaries in order to help others know how to modulate their behavior in keeping with loving relationships.

Please feel free to post - tell us more about what is going on your life and what, if any, plans you might have for the future. We look forward to hearing more from you.

Keep writing, keep processing, keep learning!


-Speck

[pbnjsandwich]

I am an only child. I have plenty of 1/2 and steps but I am and was raised an only child. I've seen my mother's outburst with others but it's never happened to me. Yes, I knew something wasn't quite right but I write it off as, "she hasn't been taking her medication" (antidepressants). When she blew up at me for something so insignificant I was hurt beyond belief. I was told I'm no longer her daughter, she carried my belongings to the door and told me to get out of her house. Within hours she was texting me, telling me WE were both under a lot of stress (granted my life was going very smoothly prior to this incident). She told my aunt I obviously was having "hormonal changes".

While I continue to get text saying she loves me and she's sure we can work this out, more than anything I want HER to get help. I seeked counseling and discovered the honest truth is... .she probably never will because she doesn't think it's her, it's everyone else. Now I need to learn how to protect myself and my children from these outburst and set boundaries that, hopefully, will allow me to have a relationship with her. Although I realize it will never be a healthy relationship, I'm not ready to abandon the whole thing all together.
My BPD father passed away several years ago.  I lived with the outbursts and inappropriate behavior for 50 years. It's not that it won't be a healthy relationship, it will be a different one. Different is good. :D  We look forward to you being here and being a part of this amazing group!

I'm so happy to have found this group and am looking forward to seeing how others cope with family members with BPD.