Welcome, Paris_Paix!

I just wanted to take a moment to welcome you to the discussion boards. I'm sorry for what brought you here, but I'm glad you're with us. We help and support each other here, so that's what you should expect.
I lurked here for a while before feeling compelled to become a member, and I'm so glad that I have. It sounds like you are having an especially difficult time right now, but I hope that you will stick around and receive the support that you need.
Thank you for sharing what you have thus far:
This is a great relief having a venue to share and learn about BPD with others' experiences as well.
I hear you. As you most likely know now, you are NOT alone, and I think that you'll find a lot of parallels here - lots of members (including me) have similar stories. Learning about BPD can help loved ones feel better by knowing that the odd, hurtful, and confusing behavior has an actual name, however, in my view, it's the behavior that's the problem. And, it sure sounds like your mother's behavior has been a problem for you. I am so sorry for that.
By finding our website, you are absolutely on the right track. If you look up to the left of your screen under our logo you'll see these words: "
Facing Emotionally Intense Relationships." From what you've shared thus far, I would think that your relationship would fall into this category, so just know that you're absolutely in the right place. And we're so glad you're here.
Please tell us more, like more of a backstory, when you're comfortable doing so and feel free to make yourself at home. You are among peers.
Keep writing, keep processing, keep learning... .
-Speck