This email is to strategically tell her about her BPD

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi Shawnlam

The amount of letters I wrote, pages full, then had to burn in the garden, during the relationship when I felt I couldnt talk to her, it was like I was having a bonfire night each week. It helped to get it out of the system for me but looking back I am so glad that I never sent any of them. Perhaps you could even write a page and by sheer luck, 99% of it would be recieved the way you intended to it, but what about that other 1%, it would likely trigger a backlash that would make the rest of it completely counterproductive. It just isnt worth it in my opinion.

Even my texts were taken the wrong way often, as has been said, they triggered on an emotional scale as opposed to someone interpreting the content.

Sorry to say this but I found the best way was the less talk and texts the better things went, - to an extent - I then had to careful balance that I wasnt neglecting enough attention at the same time, what a juggling act all that was, exhausting mentally.

 eventually whatever I did say in conversations was often very careful, emotionally neutral in content and selective. It took away my natural easy going way of talking and replaced it with the walking on eggshells character. Yes, there was less drama as a result but eventually I realised what is the point in being with someone when you are too afraid to speak your mind. Ironically, "honesty" was one of the highest of values my ex used to attribute to me. In the end, she just couldnt handle the truth, however innocous the things I had to tell her were.

It also depends on what situation you are with her at the moment, there were times I felt that my ex was just waiting for any opportunity to use anything I say and twist it to her means of painting me black. By referring to her BPD i dont think will go down well, even though the way you are doing is based on fact, it doesnt matter. i actually got a "good" result by sort of forgiving my ex by saying that (after she cheated on me) that ive started to read about BPD and I understand. However, she took that as a sort of free-ticket to validate that she hadnt done anything wrong.

Therefore, its all about her feeling good at the end, thats all that mattered ultimately.

[Cromwell]

Hi Shawnlam

The amount of letters I wrote, pages full, then had to burn in the garden, during the relationship when I felt I couldnt talk to her, it was like I was having a bonfire night each week. It helped to get it out of the system for me but looking back I am so glad that I never sent any of them. Perhaps you could even write a page and by sheer luck, 99% of it would be recieved the way you intended to it, but what about that other 1%, it would likely trigger a backlash that would make the rest of it completely counterproductive. It just isnt worth it in my opinion.

Even my texts were taken the wrong way often, as has been said, they triggered on an emotional scale as opposed to someone interpreting the content.

Sorry to say this but I found the best way was the less talk and texts the better things went, - to an extent - I then had to careful balance that I wasnt neglecting enough attention at the same time, what a juggling act all that was, exhausting mentally.

 eventually whatever I did say in conversations was often very careful, emotionally neutral in content and selective. It took away my natural easy going way of talking and replaced it with the walking on eggshells character. Yes, there was less drama as a result but eventually I realised what is the point in being with someone when you are too afraid to speak your mind. Ironically, "honesty" was one of the highest of values my ex used to attribute to me. In the end, she just couldnt handle the truth, however innocous the things I had to tell her were.

It also depends on what situation you are with her at the moment, there were times I felt that my ex was just waiting for any opportunity to use anything I say and twist it to her means of painting me black. By referring to her BPD i dont think will go down well, even though the way you are doing is based on fact, it doesnt matter. i actually got a "good" result by sort of forgiving my ex by saying that (after she cheated on me) that ive started to read about BPD and I understand. However, she took that as a sort of free-ticket to validate that she hadnt done anything wrong.

Therefore, its all about her feeling good at the end, thats all that mattered ultimately.

[Shawnlam]

Well in my letter At the end I said if you ever wanted to talk in person just send me a text “hey” and I’ll take it from there.Well I got that text at 10:44 last night unfortunately I had turned my phone off cuz I knew I’d be drunk.I answered that this morning she will answe when she’s ready or if she wants to

[Shawnlam]

I’ve started to see a trend with BPD people ,they are like scared cats ,gotta give them time to get out and sniff around if you try to push them they will run

[Shawnlam]

She just texted me back saying she got super drunk and is sick now from it but that she will reach out so we can go eat somewhere soon

[Shawnlam]

I translated that to , her being with someone last night and she just got home and not sure about why the dinner thing though but you never plan anything with a BPD so I’ll let her text me I’m done communicating since the letter