Struggling to support her

[rushingThrough]

I have been with my partner for almost 20 years. There have been ups and down as with any relationship, I know lots of the downs were caused by me in how I have reacted to my partners behavior. I have been quite passive aggressive in my reactions to her instant mood swings, not knowing what direction to go when she is accusing someone or myself of something that I know isn't true. Over the last few years I have more just went along with her moods, entertaining her thoughts with a non verbal agreement to avoid confrontation. I know it's not a good way to go but I don't know what else to do, we have several kids that and I don't know what the best action to take is.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi rushingThrough and welcome!  You have found a place where lots of people can relate to your situation and will be able to help you as you decide on what to do.  Some people are just starting their journey and others have worked their way through quite a bit.  Regardless they all get it here.

Over to the right of this page are articles that you can read to learn more about BPD behaviors, your role in the relationship and communication tools and strategies that can help reduce conflict in some cases. 

How old are your kids?  You can learn things here that you can then demonstrate to your kids and help them as well.

I don't normally post on this board but I did want to stop in and say hello.  Everyone on this site has been in similar situations, either with a romantic partner or a family member so you are not alone.  Things can improve for you.

As you post more and share more of your story we will be better able to guide you to particular resources.  You can gain a lot by reading and posting so I hope to see more of you around.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi rushingThrough, joining Harri in welcoming you!   

I fully agree with the Harri that the first step is to start browsing the articles here to get educated on BPD. On top of that, I highly recommend you post on other threads of members in similar situations to yourself to gain context and start building your own support network.

What kind of situations tend to trigger your wife? How have her behaviors impacted your kids?

~ROE