She’s giving up

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

She’s giving up on herself. She’s struggling so much that she just doesn’t want to anymore. She doesn’t think trying to get better will actually do anything and me trying to convince her otherwise doesn’t go very far. I know she wants to get better she said she likes going to therapy. But when she’s upset or in a low place she gives up and I don’t know how to get her out of that place.

[Conflictedlover]

She’s giving up on herself. She’s struggling so much that she just doesn’t want to anymore. She doesn’t think trying to get better will actually do anything and me trying to convince her otherwise doesn’t go very far. I know she wants to get better she said she likes going to therapy. But when she’s upset or in a low place she gives up and I don’t know how to get her out of that place.

[Red5]

Hey Conflictedlover,

It has been my understanding that... .when the pw/BPD, or what ever [pd] they may have, either dx or not... .that if they really get serious about therapy, and they start "cleaning house": so to speak, that things may actually get worse for a while as the pw/BPD starts dealing with everything... .maybe someone else here can give better insight... .in regards to pw/BPD undergoing any type of therapy with a counselor/therapist.

And... .just that she "likes going to therapy"... .well thats' a good thing, as most, do not even admit that there is a problem, .so they most time never darken the "T's" door.

So there you are winning.

Can you tell us more about your relationship, how long have you been together, are you married, going to be married etc'.

Hang in there,

Red5

[Conflictedlover]

We met and were friends in high school. We briefly dated our senior year but neither of us were ready for a relationship then. That was 3 years ago. We talked off and on after that and have now been dating for almost 8 months. We did get an apartment together and plan to move in next month.

[Mutt]

Hi Conflictedlover,

when she’s upset or in a low place she gives up

Has the T given her coping strategies like positive self talk when she feels distressed? Does she have a soothing box?

Positive coping statements:

Stop, and breathe, I can do this

This will pass

I can be anxious/angry/sad and still deal with this

I feel this way because of my past experiences, but I am safe right now

I'm stronger than I think

It`s okay to feel this way, it`s a normal reaction

[Conflictedlover]

Hi Conflictedlover,

Has the T given her coping strategies like positive self talk when she feels distressed? Does she have a soothing box?

Positive coping statements:

Stop, and breathe, I can do this

This will pass

I can be anxious/angry/sad and still deal with this

I feel this way because of my past experiences, but I am safe right now

I'm stronger than I think

It`s okay to feel this way, it`s a normal reaction

I’m not sure. She hasn’t mentioned any to me, so next time it happens or we get talking about it I will definitely mention those. Thanks

[Mutt]

No worries. I use them myself too when there’s a lot going in my life, like people that I care about are going through a rough time it helps to keep things in perspective, the anxiety makes things sound worse than they are and we undermine our abilities to cope.