How To Accept Devastating loss?

[wendydarling]

I too am glad to hear you are feeling some relief and you continue to seek help for yourself freespirit

I feel like I have been swept upon by angels. It is impossible to lose hope and be around your guys, you are all so inspirational.  

I have uncovered a hidden, and deeply buried belief around accepting my story. Deep down I believed that if I accepted my story fully that it would own me, and that I would never be free. That is why I needed this to happen, because there was no way I was going near that on my own, I needed to be pushed. That is what this crisis has been for me, a push from the Universe and a kind of deep shamanic death. A death has definitely took place within me, I can feel it. I am not the same person that I was. As the crisis state fades inside me, an acceptance is taking its place, and an inner peace is blossoming.

You guys are living prof that accepting our stories sets us free, not imprisons us. Thank you for your example.

freespirit, we've been talking about acceptance and hope on the son/daughter board, hereDoes acceptance mean losing hope?
We're all in this together, you are not alone, glad to meet you   

[freespirit]

Thank you for the link wendydarling  

I am struggling today. I read a post and got in contact with some things I haven't felt in a while that put me into emotional flashback. I laid down and processed it. When I got up, I saw a video on Universal Credits, which is something I have applied for this week. It was shocking and horrifying, people are committing suicide because of the lack of money. I don't know how to process this, or re-stabilize my mental health.

[Kwamina]

Hi freespirit

I read a post and got in contact with some things I haven't felt in a while that put me into emotional flashback. I laid down and processed it.

I am sorry you had such a strong reaction, am glad though you were able to take some steps to help you process what was going on. What were the things you got in contact with that you hadn't felt in a while?

When I got up, I saw a video on Universal Credits, which is something I have applied for this week. It was shocking and horrifying... .I don't know how to process this, or re-stabilize my mental health.

I have seen the articles about this and the stories are very heartbreaking indeed. Considering your recent active suicidal ideation, I can definitely see how seeing a video like this, could be very triggering.

Perhaps you can take some steps to help you calm yourself, maybe some meditation and/or revisiting Pete Walker's steps for managing emotional flashbacks which you also posted yourself again in this thread.

What are the thoughts going through your mind after seeing that video?

[freespirit]

Thank you for your reply  Kwamina ,

I have seen the article about this and the stories are very heartbreaking indeed. Considering your recent active suicidal ideation, I can definitely see how seeing a video like this, could be very triggering.

I guess my go to is to positivity the  out of it, you know, a "can do" attitude. But I cant, I am very tired. I have been at this recovery work, at this pace and pitch (purging) for a very long time, and to be honest I thought I was over due a holiday, and happy ever after.

Thank you for listening. It means a lot to me that you replied. 

[Kwamina]

You're welcome

But I cant, I am very tired. I have been at this recovery work, at this pace and pitch (purging) for a very long time, and to be honest I thought I was over due a holiday, and happy ever after.

Yeah this healing process unfortunately often is quite tough. c-PTSD is a serious condition and a reflection of the very difficult experiences you've had before. For many if not all of us posting on this board, healing probably is a lifelong process requiring continual work. To once again quote our friend Pete Walker:
"Be patient with a slow recovery process: it takes time in the present to become un-adrenalized, and considerable time in the future to gradually decrease the intensity, duration and frequency of flashbacks. Real recovery is a gradually progressive process (often two steps forward, one step back), not an attained salvation fantasy. Don't beat yourself up for having a flashback."

I would say you feeling so very tired is a sign from your mind and body that it might be time to slow down a bit, do some self-care and seek some more support to help you cope. I'm glad you posted again, you are dealing with some very difficult thoughts and emotions, the PSI board is here to support you though  We've even brought in our UK special forces, codenames HQ and WDx

PS. I'm CRB (Captain Red Beak!)

[Harri]

It is okay to say I can't right now and I need a break.  Truly.  It is okay.  You know the first people who helped me understand that were Wools and Kwamina and not just understand but accept it.

I too was/am a very positive person when it comes to recovery... .most of the time.  There needs to be balance.  For me, I used the positive can do attitude to also hide and deny and try to do a weird version of self-directed speed therapy.  It worked for some things and not for others.  Does that resonate with you at all?  It is okay if it doesn't, I just want to understand what is going on for you.  Regardless, I do understand being tired and I know how hard it is to say "I can't".  It's okay.  You could and you will again.
 

I read some and watched a couple of videos on the Universal Credit in the UK.  I found it sad and depressing and felt a lot of pressure and I live in the states!  You are dealing with so much.  Listen to Captain Red Beak and do some self-care.  Let yourself Be.

[freespirit]

Thank you for your reply Harri , you said

For me, I used the positive can do attitude to also hide and deny and try to do a weird version of self-directed speed therapy.  It worked for some things and not for others.  Does that resonate with you at all?

This had me gasping, and laughing out loud. Yes, I resonate very much 

You said

Listen to Captain Red Beak and do some self-care.  Let yourself Be.

Thank you so much for the permission to let myself be, I needed this 

CRB, you said

Perhaps you can take some steps to help you calm yourself, maybe some meditation and/or revisiting Pete Walker's steps for managing emotional flashbacks which you also posted yourself again in this thread.

Thank you for pointing me back in the direction of my recovery work. I can't very well post outstanding resources in my own thread, and not use them myself. So, I read the 13 steps and the 14 inner critic attacks whilst using emotional freedom technique (Tapping). I have decided that I am going to do this everyday at the minute, as part of my morning routine.

Since we are all formally introducing ourselves, I am Cosmic The Cat 

[Harri]

Hello Cosmic the Cat! 

It is okay if we need a reminder to go use some tools like you did with Pete Walker.  That is part of what we do here:  support, redirect and remind. 

I like you focus on practicing good self care every morning.  Are you familiar with Mindfulness?  We have an article here:  Triggers, Mindfulness and Wise Mind that you may be able to incorporate into your morning routine.  Mindfulness and acceptance work help me slow down.   

[Kwamina]

Hi CTC

Yes, Cosmic The Cat is a very powerful name, you really got that cosmic look in your eyes indeed:





Great that you went back to Pete Walker's work

It is okay if we need a reminder to go use some tools like you did with Pete Walker.  That is part of what we do here:  support, redirect and remind.  

Yes and often we follow this method: 1. Apply --> 2. Rinse --> 3. Repeat!

As a parrot, I'm particularly fond of the repeat step

[Harri]

Haha Parrot! 

 

[freespirit]

Haha Parrot! 

 

I know, right!     

Thank you for your reply CRB, this makes me so happy! 

I love your sense of playfulness, fun and adventure, for me, it's the only way to balance this work out. 

Blessings for your day 

[Harri]

This thread reached the post limit and has been locked.  Part 2 is here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=330657.0