Discarded? PLEASE HELP

[FaithfulInLove]

Hello everyone...

Maybe you have read about my story?
It turned around a lot the past weeks... .and I'm scared it's over now!

I'm in my ex's country for holidays at the moment... .

First the plan was meeting him and his family next week... .
Then he said he can come and see me here for a day and I offered to still come with him and see his family for a day as I miss them too and we had a good bond... .

Now today... .literally nothing bad happened between us (apart from me taking an hour to reply to one of his messages, but his message was truly meaninglessness, not even a question)... .Then he texted me he will delete our app and I shouldn't contact him anymore because he doesn't need any friends or relationships... .

My reaction was telling him that I have been looking forward to seeing him, that I care about him but I also said I'm done fighting for something he doesn't want and he can go if that's what he wants... .

That's what I learned in therapy as he came and went out of my life so many times while I've been the only one working for this friendship... .I've been told I gotta get back some power over the situation... .As he has been doing with me whatever he wanted and I have been suffering here... .

But OF COURSE I STILL WANNA FIGHT FOR US! : (

My question is: after a few days of silence... .Can I contact his family and arrange a meet up with them... ? I truly would love to see them no matter what the situation is, but he could see that as very disrespectful and invalidating... .: (

What do you think? What's the best way to turn things around from here? Really nothing happened between us today, we had really sweet conversations - just that many memories came up as I'm at a place we spent time at together when we were together still... .

Please please help, I'm scared that that was it... .I'm still blocked everywhere from the last time we fought and have no way of contacting him apart from letters or emails maybe in case he really deleted that app... .

Heartbroken,

FaithfulInLove

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[boogs152]

Hmmmm that’s a difficult situation. In my personal relationship with BPD man I’ve become increasingly agreeable over our 1 year relationship. This is because I’ve found that even the most seemingly insignificant thing to me can become a huge ordeal. He can ignore me for weeks.

My partner is seeking help and that’s why I stay. We will work together to communicate better with professional help.

Look I don’t know what say other than to stay strong. It’s hard... .really hard... .they test your boundaries I know but make sure that the advice your getting regarding your relationship is from a professional that understands the condition perhaps?
In my case I’ve had a few health care professionals tell me to leave him but I don’t find that productive advice.

Good luck

[Bnonymous]

Hi Faithfulinlove,

I'm sorry that happened.

I would imagine that being in his country and knowing there's a limited time before you go back is creating a sense of urgency that is fueling your panic - I'd guess it must feel particularly hard to give him space when you know you're on the clock in that sense?

It is possible that waiting an hour for your reply triggered his abandonment fears - I know that seems irrational and unreasonable and would be totally unfair on you, but it happens sometimes with people with BPD - my boyfriend once "ended" our relationship because he texted "call me" and I took seven minutes to do so, just seven minutes was enough to trigger it - I think they can lose their sense of time when dysregulated and someone being gone for minutes can feel like they've gone forever. Alternatively, it's possible that old memories are surfacing for him too and causing him emotional confusion. It's really impossible to know if he doesn't tell you, which is a tough position for you.

When you mentioned your therapist's advice before, I said that I think the more important thing is your inner responses rather than outward reflections of them. I would guess that the therapist is driving at encouraging you to invest less emotionally and for this to come out in less chasing, fewer texts etc. I would only follow the therapist's advice (or anyone else's) if it feels like the right thing for you. Don't feel pressured to say things that you don't really mean, because that could feel inauthentic to you and confusing to him. For example, you said that you're done with fighting for the relationship but felt that you actually did want to do that. I'm not clear on what you meant there - did you mean that you said it but didn't mean it? Or did you mean that you want to fight but are determined not to do that for the sake of your mental health?

I think you're right that contacting his family might feel disrespectful or invalidating for him.

How literal is he about not contacting him? My boyfriend says that to me about ten times a week and then texts me half an hour later grumpy that I took him at his word and didn't contact him... .Unfortunately, we have to take people at their word to show respect for them, which can back us into no-win corners with our BPDs in these situations.

In other circumstances, I would say don't contact him again and just wait for him to take the initiative there, but, given the situation that you are only in his country for a limited amount of time that does give you more of a reason to reach out. I think (in terms of respecting his boundaries) it wouldn't hurt as a one-off to text/email in a few days and say something like "I am here until [departure date]. If you change your mind, I'd love to see you. If I don't hear from you, I will respect your wish for no further contact" and then leave the ball in his court.

But the question is would you feel okay with that? Or would you feel like you were going back on your word and/or breaking your resolutions to yourself? I'm not suggesting that you do do this, but am just saying that I think it is a permissible option in the circumstances. But only consider it if you could do it without harm to yourself and your boundaries. If not, then leave him to it. I think there's a fair chance he'll make contact anyway, given that he too knows the clock is ticking down the time until you go home. So you might be better off just waiting this out and trying to enjoy your holiday independently. I realise how hard that would be! *sympathises*

[Radcliff]

Bnonymous' advice is spot on here, especially her encouragement to make sure that no matter what advice you get from others, your actions are in line with your values and what you want.  I also agree that  a little extra effort while you are in his country is warranted.

Keep us posted,

RC

[FaithfulInLove]

Thank for your help... .I really don't know what to do... .

Bit of background story:

His reason to break up with me a year ago was that l put my favourite band first he felt put second... and I'm seeing that band again today and he loves them too but can't see them because of work.

I'm trying my best to keep my smile up here and he'll surely be seeing "happy pictures" of me with them because he's following all my friends and of course I'll put my fake smile on for group photos... .

I'm scared all his break up pain is being triggered again by the whole situation.
That makes me scared of not reaching out. It'll make him think I really just care about them, not about him... but reaching out a day after he told me l should not feels not right to me too... .

I don't know how to get that done emotionally, if l went to see his family and he avoided me.
I've already been crying my eyes out yesterday when we've still been talkin just because I've been at a McDonald's we've once been together... !
My emotions are all over the place.

I'm scared he'll feel betrayed if l talked to his family and not to him... .

[Bnonymous]

Hi faithfulinlove,

Thanks for the background context. Yes, I think you are probably right that his feelings from the break-up are being triggered by your going to see the band again. Have you two talked about it at all?

This won't help much and you might not want to hear it, but... .Can I just say WOW? You must have realised that he wouldn't like you going to see the band without him and that doing so could jeopardise your chances of seeing him, yet you are doing it anyway. Can you see how brilliant that is, how you are clawing back some emotional freedom and independence and not letting him and his moods control your actions or prevent you from doing something that is a source of joy to you? You deserve to be really proud of yourself for this, faithfulinlove. I'm really impressed by it. I think it's a triumph for you, I really do, and I hope you are able to feel the triumph, pride, and freedom that you deserve to feel, and that you have a wonderful time seeing the band.

I am sorry that I don't have any advice of what to do to soothe him. I think you may have to accept that it's up to him to soothe himself or not, and, if he doesn't do that in time to see you before he leaves, then he too misses out. It would be a great shame. But you cannot live your life imprisoned by a need not to upset him, and it seems that you recognise that given that you're going to the gig - you're taking steps to break free of his emotional power over you and your life, and this is brilliant - it really is. It doesn't mean you've stopped loving him or caring about him, but it means you're willing to give space to loving and caring about you too. Well done! People here will recognise how much that takes and what a triumph it is.

I would stick by your initial gut feeling about not contacting his family. It's a great shame, but it would probably complicate things too much for both of you at this point.

I hope he contacts you, faithfulinlove - I really do. But, whether he does or not, I hope you have a great time seeing the band and enjoy the rest of your holiday.

[FaithfulInLove]

I'm overwhelmed by how you care about me and how you send support and I'm listening to your words, taking them seriously.

You deserve to know what happened today: him reaching out to me again. On the app he said he wanted to delete.

I'm gonna meet him and his family this weekend. Things can turn around so fast...

I need some time to process this all myself, I'll get you updated.
Just wanted to quickly share this success with everyone who's just overwhelmed with their own situation and struggling with staying strong.

It has been a sleepless night for me... .!

I hope you're all doing good, I'm so thankful for your support!
Got him a video message from the band by the way. He'll be happy to see that they actually do care about him too.

[Harri]

Hi!  That is good news, thanks for sharing.  I was hoping things would turn around for you.  Breathe. 

What are you doing today and tomorrow? 

[Bnonymous]

Yay! That's brilliant news! I'm really pleased to hear he reached out to you and you are going to get the chance to see him and his family.

I think getting him a video message from the band was a wonderful idea - it was a really thoughtful and considerate thing to do and a great way to make him feel cared about and included.

You're doing brilliantly, faithfulinlove. I know it's been a really difficult time for you and  there will probably be more difficult times ahead, but you're doing really well, and you will handle whatever the future has in store.

I hope you have a lovely weekend.

[FaithfulInLove]

I'm just enjoying the city and meet friends these few days.
I'm happy he wants to see me and we both made plans that felt good for us both but he's quite silent at the moment. It might be hurtful for him knowing I'm having a good time without him.
Thank you for caring, for listening and giving advice

[FaithfulInLove]

Hello... .I really wanna update you about my weekend and would be happy about reading your thoughts about this:

I feel like I've messed things up this weekend!

We spend two nights at an hotel he has booked for us.
First things went really good. We were talking, playing games together... .It was fun. Then he kissed me... .And apologised for it... we just went on playing, but then he kissed me again and slept with me.
At night he snuggled up to me, I was so happy, I thought I had him back, it felt like it. I didn't really sleep but was full of hope and pure happiness to have him that close again after a year of being broken up.

But the next day everything turned around and I didn't handle it well. He woke up being distant. No good morning kisses or hugs. I was devastated and first tried to hide my feelings and go on having a good time with him, but I couldn't hold my tears back, told him that I missed him. He just comforted me a bit, held me.

I tried enjoying our time together then, but couldn't help pushing him to talk later that day. I asked him if we could work things out and he said he can't be in a relationship right now, he needs time to focus on himself. He said that he doesn't want to say we can work this out in the future cause this wouldn't be fair as he just doesn't know.
He also said he often is just shutting out his emotions. I felt he was really honest there and kind of giving me everything he could.
I was so in tears and told him l was missing the future we had planned out together. We slept together again and I was so overwhelmed! I regret how I couldn't control my emotions... .
I asked him if he didn't love me anymore and he got upset about this, got dressed and told me he'll just gonna leave when I'm being like this, he won't answer that question...
I pulled myself together then and he stayed. We enjoyed rest of the day as much as possible.

I still had to cry a bit, but l tried my best not to. Only when I had to leave I couldn't hold back all these tears again... .It has been so emotional for me.

Since then we went back to sending each other short friendly messages every few hours... .

Last night I've asked him for some space for both of us to heal and said we could then take our friendship from there... .He accepted it, so we are in no contact right now.

Honestly, l don't want that space
myself but I feel like some kind of change had to happen in how things are going between us.
l want to find a way out of this sad, needy, clingy position... .I'm heartbroken about not hearing from him now. But I want to find a way to bring us closer together and l see I'm not handling his pain the way he deserves because I'm hurting too much myself.

I'm scared he's feeling abandoned and that this space will make things worse. I miss him, I miss his messages, but they lead to nothing.
I'm scared the time of no contact could hurt our friendship.
That l wanna keep him in my life is a crystal clear thing for me l don't even wanna question.

Please can you give me some thoughts about my situation?
I can't tell why he didn't wanna tell me if he loves me or not, this has confused me so! Why the hotel and the hooking up if he doesn't have feelings?

[Bnonymous]

Hi faithfulinlove,

What an emotional roller-coaster! I'm sorry you're going through this.

You say

That l wanna keep him in my life is a crystal clear thing for me l don't even wanna question.

Okay, so let's take that as a starting point.

The man you love clearly can't or won't meet your needs, at least not at this point in time and it doesn't look likely that this will change in the near future. But you are clear that you want to keep him in your life.

No matter what you try, it isn't having an affect on changing him and making him committed to you and clear about what he wants.

It seems as though he's stuck in the abandonment/engulfment dance. And it appears that you are having a very hard time figuring out how to handle that: how to give him enough space that he doesn't feel engulfed and back off AND how to give him enough constancy, attention and reassurance that he doesn't feel abandoned and back off. It is an extremely hard line to walk. How do you move with someone who is doing this dance and yet avoid treading on their toes or having them tread on yours?

It does look like you've tried everything and have been trying for a long time. And it is starting to appear that nothing you do will make him stop dancing.

So... .Maybe it's time for you to stop dancing with him? Instead of moving closer when he lets you, then backing off when he withdraws, maybe you could find a middle path that you want to walk, a path that lets you be true to yourself and your feelings for him without being overwhelmed by this, then stick to it regardless of which phase he is in?

At the moment, it looks as though much of your focus on what you do here is about the knock-on effect that will have on what he does - is that right? Could you let go of that? Could you start looking at how the things you do make you feel, regardless of how they effect him? E.g. Instead of thinking (for example) "If I back off and don't chase, it might make him realise how he feels and put more effort in" think something like "When I back off and don't chase, I feel less frantic and more calm - I like that feeling, so I will do it more"?

I'm not saying you actually do think or feel like that - just giving examples of the difference between acting to influence him and acting to influence yourself.

Also what are your needs? Not "I need him to... ." or "I need us to... ." but just "I need... ."?

Can you think of what these are and can you think of ways that you can get them met which don't depend on what he does or doesn't do?

[FaithfulInLove]

I don't know how to answer this, dear Bnonymous.

I don't feel calm when we're not in touch, I'm really anxious and just want him to reach out. Even now that I've asked for space, I just wish he'd turn to me and show me that I'm still important and that he misses me.

I need and want nothing but him in my life, him planning our future with me again, him being loyal to me like back when we were together, him realising that what we had was beautiful and that we'd be the happiest if we just got that back.
Whatever I feel I need to do won't bring us any closer because I feel like crying and telling him over and over again that we can work this out, that I love him.

This won't help, I know. That's the problem, that I'm not in a position to help him in any way, that I'm too anxious and there's nothing that could calm me down but his presence and reassurance.

[Bnonymous]

Hi faithfulinlove,

If going no contact has no emotional benefit for you, don't feel that you have to do it. Do what feels best for you. There is no objectively Right Thing To Do and there is no way of guaranteeing (or even predicting) how such things will influence his feelings and behaviours - all there is is how these things affect you. It's okay to focus on that. Whatever anyone is telling you to the contrary, you are allowed to listen to yourself. Let go of "should"s and don't feel pressured to do or say things that don't feel right to you.

From reading several of your posts, it sounds to me that you are feeling under tremendous pressure to balance the relationship. You might feel less anxious if you take some of that pressure off yourself and accept that you are not responsible for making the relationship balance equally - you are only responsible for your side of the scales.

This relationship is not equal or balanced. The heartbreaking truth is that you can't make it equal or balanced. Don't feel pressured to achieve a balance and equality that aren't there. And please don't let anyone make you feel guilty or ashamed about that lack of balance and equality - it is not your fault. You didn't go out seeking an unbalanced and unequal relationship - you just fell in love with a man who is not very good at emotional consistency. It's not your fault.

If having a balanced and equal relationship is more important to you than being with him, you would have every right to walk away and seek that elsewhere. BUT if being with him is more important to you than having a balanced and equal relationship, you have every right to make the choice to stay and keep trying, despite the imbalance and inequality.

But you can't change it. He is piling things on his side of the scales and then taking them off again so quickly that you can't keep up. If you keep trying to match it by adding and removing things from your side to make it balance again, you will just end up exhausting yourself.

You can't control what he puts on his side of the scales. You can only choose what to put on your side and then, if it doesn't balance out, decide whether or not to accept that.

I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious at the moment. We're listening. 

[FaithfulInLove]

He unfollowed me with the words he gotta crop a few people out of his life cause he can't heal in an environment where he's been hurt...

Do you think he means it this time? He's still giving me the space I've asked for, didn't say anything to me directly... .Yet... .Bet it'll come within the next few hours or days, that he'll tell me he can't do this... .I'm so scared, l don't wanna lose him but this feels like he's pushing for a reaction

[Bnonymous]

He backed off and withdrew after the two of you had close and lovely time together.

You were hurt by this and asked for no contact.

Now it seems he is reacting to that by unfollowing you and you fear he may tell you he can't do this anymore.

It sounds like both of you are fearful and preempting withdrawals that neither of you really want.

Personally, I would break that deadlock and that pattern by being honest: "I really valued the lovely time we spent together. Afterwards, I felt vulnerable and confused and scared of being hurt, so I asked for no contact even though that isn't really what I wanted. I'm sorry for that. I always welcome hearing from you".

Or whatever your truth is. The most helpful thing you can do is be honest with both of you about what you really feel and want and need and communicate that - don't communicate things you don't really mean or feel. He might respond well to openness, or he might respond badly, but, either way, at least you'll have stayed true.

If he withdraws from you because your true feelings are too much for him to deal with, that would be hurtful and hard for you. But I can't help but feel that it would be much worse if he withdraws from you because he believes things that aren't true. The last thing you want is for him to withdraw from you because he thinks you don't want him when actually you do. That would be incredibly sad and an awful waste.

[FaithfulInLove]

Dear Bnonymous,

my message wasn't a rude short "I need space" one, but it included a lot of what you said
-that I've truly enjoyed our time together, that it was fun and we made the best out of it
-that he shouldn't have to be thinking about relationships after a year like this and that I'm sorry for pressing him for the talks
-that a little space would be a good thing for us now to heal, and that we could then take our friendship from there
- that I'd still pick up the phone of course if he needed someone!

Then I also asked him about his thoughts on this idea, didn't just decide it on my own

He just agreed and said, if that's what I thought. He ended his message with a smiley face and didn't react on my follow up message where I've just been very polite again, said it's just for a little while, thanked him for helping me to get home safely.

He hasn't been left ignored.
HE then took my space seriously and didn't say another word.

To me he kind of made the impression of needing a bit of space when he took so many hours again to reply to my text messages.

What I didn't wanna happen again is him keeping me as a friend in the background to keep him stable, who gives reassurance by sending like three text messages a day, I don't wanna be someone who he uses for sex whenever I'm around and as a backup plan while he is actually looking for someone else.

Those dynamics are toxic for me, I want to feel welcome in his life. He should either say I'm just a friend and treat me like a real friend - without sex but with much support - or he should tell me he wants to work things out and for that stop meeting other girls.

I think the space is needed in some way, but him unfollowing me without saying a word, than that tweet to the public that he needs to cut ties with some people but no word to me - it makes me anxious and makes the space unenjoyable, when I thought I was doing a good thing to change these toxic dynamics by giving him the chance to actually miss me, I now am scared of never hearing from him again.

Yes, I want him in my life, I just wanna be treated right again. It hurts me being constantly ignored and getting all those mixed signals from what he sais, does and posts online... .

[Bnonymous]

my message wasn't a rude short "I need space" one, but it included a lot of what you said
-that I've truly enjoyed our time together, that it was fun and we made the best out of it
-that he shouldn't have to be thinking about relationships after a year like this and that I'm sorry for pressing him for the talks
-that a little space would be a good thing for us now to heal, and that we could then take our friendship from there
- that I'd still pick up the phone of course if he needed someone!

Then I also asked him about his thoughts on this idea, didn't just decide it on my own

That sounds good, faithfulinlove. The only issue with it is that you have said here that you didn't really want this space and that it made you anxious. You have asked for it in the best and most gentle and respectful way you could, but, if it wasn't what you really wanted... .

To me he kind of made the impression of needing a bit of space when he took so many hours again to reply to my text messages.

I think he probably needs space of some kind, given what you've told us about how he's acting. But it may not be a "no contact" kind of space, but more of a "let's not rush into anything or make any big decisions just yet" kind of space.

What I didn't wanna happen again is him keeping me as a friend in the background to keep him stable, who gives reassurance by sending like three text messages a day, I don't wanna be someone who he uses for sex whenever I'm around and as a backup plan while he is actually looking for someone else.

That's completely understandable; no one would want to be treated that way. But it sounds as though you feel he is doing that. And you are clear that you want him in your life. So, to try and reconcile these two things, you are trying to get him to change his behaviour, though nothing you try is working.

What would happen if you accepted that you can't change his behaviour? How would you feel about things then?

Those dynamics are toxic for me, I want to feel welcome in his life. He should either say I'm just a friend and treat me like a real friend - without sex but with much support - or he should tell me he wants to work things out and for that stop meeting other girls.

I completely agree - he should do that. But he isn't. You can only focus on you. If you don't want to be treated that way, you don't have to allow it. You can e.g. set a boundary around sex "I don't want to have sex unless we are in a committed and exclusive relationship" and stick to it.

I think the space is needed in some way, but him unfollowing me without saying a word, than that tweet to the public that he needs to cut ties with some people but no word to me - it makes me anxious and makes the space unenjoyable, when I thought I was doing a good thing to change these toxic dynamics by giving him the chance to actually miss me, I now am scared of never hearing from him again.

I've put one of your sentences in bold. This goes back to what I said earlier about how it seems that you're making your decisions based upon how you think they might change his feelings and behaviours. Sadly, no one can predict or control how that will go and what affect it will have on him. What you can control is how your decisions affect you. Could you try focusing on that instead, on doing things that make you feel more positive and calm in yourself, instead of focusing on trying to influence his behaviour?

Yes, I want him in my life, I just wanna be treated right again. It hurts me being constantly ignored and getting all those mixed signals from what he sais, does and posts online... .

Yes, of course. The way he is behaving, the push/pull dance, the mixed signals, the blowing hot and cold, is very confusing and hurtful.

The sentence I've put in bold is the crux of the issue here: you want two things that are presently incompatible and you haven't been able to find a way to make them compatible (and you might not be able to do so - much of this has to come from him). Where can you go from there?

[FaithfulInLove]

I'm trying to save things, dear Bnonymous, that's why I'm looking for the best advice on here to understand his behaviour and predict his reactions connected to the illness he's struggling with. I want to find the best way of getting that man back without hurting myself too much because I'm honestly breaking a little more everyday.

Do you think it is healthy for me staying in touch with him, watching him dating a million other women, only being ready to meet up with me when he's single and then sleeping with me just to tell me he's not ready for a relationship while he is still looking for one online after he only got hurt so far? Our friendship kind of ended anytime he met someone new, that's what it felt like for me, he just got more and more distant or started no contact when there was someone new in his life, coming straight back sending hearts the day things ended with THEM.

I think asking for space, even though I don't really feel like it because I LOVE that man, is the healthiest thing I could do at this minute so that things don't go on the way they went the past whole year. I'm hurting a lot for being replaced over and over again.

I do enjoy the sex and if he told me he wanted some kind of friends with benefits thing for now I'd be more ready to accept that than how he's playing with my feelings here.
Because do you know what he said to me when I were intimate with each other? "I love you too", just to be extra cold to me the next morning, no good morning hug, not a kiss, no 'Thank You for last night but I'm not ready for anything else' but I got the thread of him leaving me alone in that hotel when I asked if he still loved me, saying he "won't answer that question"...

I wanna find a way to break out of this role from the woman he once loved more than anything which he now has whenever nothing else is working while he sees how much it is affecting me.

Do you think staying in slight touch after being disappointed like this could make anything better? Do you think it could change his mind or am I enabling him here to go and look for someone perfect while I'm waiting here, supporting him anyway although I feel like quitting myself?

Sorry, I got a bit emotional here but it sometimes frustrates me when I come here to talk about him and his illness and the advice I get revolves around me.
I understand myself, what I don't always understand is his illness and what he might be feeling when he's treating me this way.

Thank you for being there for me though, I'm not in a good place at all and I hope you understand. I miss him and I'm super scared.

[Bnonymous]

I'm sorry it's frustrating for you, faithfulinlove. I can hear the pain in your posts.

I do wish I (or others here) could offer you advice on how to change his behaviour and get the man you love back and the relationship that you want and deserve. But I fear that no one can do that. As I see it, we can only offer a listening ear and some tentative suggestions on things you might be able to do to help you to cope with what is admittedly an extremely difficult and painful situation.

You are being torn in two by the situation: you want him but the situation is toxic for you (as it would be for almost anyone), so, unless he changes, either staying or leaving is going to hurt you like hell.

You could maybe minimise that hurt by focusing on yourself and how to set boundaries that act as limits to how much he can hurt you. But you can't make him treat you like he should do and like you deserve to be treated. I can't give you advice on how to do that because I think you're on a hiding to nothing with trying it.

Don't worry, I do understand and I'm not at all offended that my suggestions aren't what you need - I know that they're not and I can hear your pain and frustration with the whole situation - I wish I had helpful advice to offer you that could improve the situation and help you to get what you need from him. I will step back now and let other people answer. Others might have a different take or some suggestions that are more concrete and helpful. I wish you the very best. Take care.

[FaithfulInLove]

 
I'm sorry Bnonymous, I didn't mean to push you away.
I've always been a good and quite healthy girl, I feel like this situation makes me act like a borderline myself sometimes, it's just too much pain to take sometimes.
I hope you know how thankful I am that you were here to listen to me and took the time to reply to my posts. I hope you feel I appreciate you and your efforts. I know you only want my best.
Please feel free to keep giving me your opinion. I really need any advice I can get, I'm feeling so alone in this.

[Bnonymous]

It's honestly okay, faithfulinlove.

When you are asking for support and advice, it's about you and what you need; it's not about the people who respond - you don't have to validate me here - if the responses I'm giving aren't helpful to you or aren't what you are looking for, you have every right to say that. Honestly.

Looking at it glass half-full, if you can identify what doesn't help you then that will ultimately help you to find what does.

Please don't worry - it's all good.