Teen Residential Treatment Thoughts? Terrified to do it Terrified to not do it

[Miserable Mom]

Anyone have experience with Residential Treatment for teen? Advice? Anxiety and panic at the thought of it. So hard to know who to trust. Best places are self-pay, so I am weeding through options. Inpatient was so hard...30-90 days? Thanks.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hi MM,

I'm running out the door but wanted to post this link in case you haven't seen it yet. I don't have any personal experience but some members do. One of our members posted her personal journey and it's worth a look-see 

Residential Treatment: Journal of a 12 Month Journey

Hopefully others will chime in!

~ OH

[stampingt1]

Dear MM,

You're caught between a "rock & a hard place." Unfortunately, I don't have any experience in residential placement.

Good luck & keep us updated!

 

[SkellyII]

Anyone have experience with Residential Treatment for teen? Advice? Anxiety and panic at the thought of it. So hard to know who to trust. Best places are self-pay, so I am weeding through options. Inpatient was so hard...30-90 days? Thanks.

So far, we've only done no more than 2-3 weeks, with another week or two of outpatient. I have some friends who sent their daughter to Turnabout Ranch, and they had good luck with them, but boy are they expensive. Talk to your therapist/Psychiatrist, they usually know the scuttlebut of which places are working and which aren't. Also make sure that they actually know BPD, that is extremely important.

[Skip]

You can only do this before they are 18, so you might want to move on it while you can.

It's hard. It can really make a difference.

[Miserable Mom]

Thank you all. The race against time is real...18 looms before me. The places I would consider best for her are all self pay. One facility in WI looks like it may be a good fit and in-network for insurance. WI law gives legal consent at age 14, so it must be voluntary on her part. I am at a loss as how to present this to her...

[FaithHopeLove]

This sounds like a good time to use SET (support, empathy, truth) to help communicate with your daughter. Here is a great thread on SET https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.30

[lplus3]

My 16 year old daughter went to Meridell Achievement center last year for 4 months. It is in Texas. Insurance covered it for the 4 months but that was all they would allow.
I’m glad I sent her there - finally she was someplace long enough to have thorough testing and evaluation, and to try different meds. 
They did neurological testing and found she has ADHD in addition to everything else. The ADHD meds have helped tremendously or at least they did for 6 months. 
She also got credit recovery for 3 classes, even though she was there over the summer.
To get her there, I waited for her to have a big outburst, called the police, and then she was taken to the hospital by ambulance. The hospital transferred her to Meridell. Long process but it worked... they do have a service where they send out two staff to pick up the kids from your location and take them to Meridell. At least for Texas.

[Miserable Mom]

Thank you all for feedback. lpus3 thank you for your insight. I have spend so much time researching. The place at the top of the list for insurance/specialty/location will only accept "motivated" as per WI law that the child 14+ must be willing, voluntary. The phone screen process emphasized this several times. This RTC appears to highly screen who will/will not be accepted vs the vast majority I have found with waitlists, accept any/all, and exploitation of families in crisis. Daughter discharged from first inpatient last month 8 days, resulted in hospital filing DCFS/CPS investigation due to false allegations from daughter. This complicated matters for her care, as I was blindsided, already under extreme stress, and left with serious trust issues with the system. The case has been dropped, and while it is a relief, I will forever have trust issues going forward with care. We were in crisis for 72 hours, police, ER 12 hours, and forced to accept "first available bed".Her outpatient psychiatrist follow up from inpatient discharge recommended residential at a dangerous facility out of state and suggested privately the scenario set-up you described. Currently under federal investigation, under UHS (Universal Health System :caution Lock downs, restraints, solitary confinement, restricted communication with family, fights, rapes, loss of custody. My thoughts today are how to present care as her choice, during summer break (30-90 days), allowing her to reach her goal of return to high school senior year. It presents as clinical/hospital setting, full immersion DBT for emotional dysregulation, female only 15 bed. The support and feedback here is priceless. Thank you all for your time and concern.

[livednlearned]

My thoughts today are how to present care as her choice, during summer break (30-90 days), allowing her to reach her goal of return to high school senior year.

Can you remind us if you mentioned already whether she has been receptive to care in the past?

[Miserable Mom]

Receptive as in mandatory compliance. She has gone to therapy only to bamboozle the therapist. She did well inpatient, but it wasn’t voluntary. My only leverage at this point is school. Cosmetology vocational current and she desperately wants to go back to high school (for the drugs, gangs and sex). Boggles the mind that a minor can refuse medical care. The last month after discharge she is doing well, or so it appears. Great incentives to motivate in place. Would you bribe your kid to get them to go? Hmmmmm.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Peace63]

Aw, I so feel for you. I had my daughter sent to a facility in UT and I am now unsure whether it was a safe place. It had been referred to me by someone a friend of mine knew. My daughter was there about a year and was able to complete her high school. Some of their tactics were extremely punitive and yet, they also had her playing soccer and ultimately golf. She was forced to do both group and one on one therapy. We visited her twice and were able to do a family therapy session. Of course she hated it. I think it helped her but since she has been home over the last 3 years, she has said that there was abuse going on though she did not experience it. The treatment center therapist was the one who recommended that I read Stop Walking on Eggshells and I think had her read it.  Sadly, the explosive behavior that got her sent away is back.  She is almost 21 and I often just feel like washing my hands of her though I love her so much.

[Miserable Mom]

Peace63 thank you for sharing your experience. Is your daughter in treatment/therapy/meds currently? From my position with a 16 year old daughter, I feel strongly I must try to get the help/tools she needs before she turns 18. You did that and she will always have them with her, even if there is a relapse. I try to refocus myself when there is high conflict, as it is apparent she is unable to do so. One of the hardest parts of this journey is understanding the behaviors that appear intentional. Glad you are here.

[Peace63]

Good Morning MM, I totally understand your race against time. My daughter is on an interesting path as she is about to graduate from college very successfully and yet she has had an issue with the law that has basically mandated therapy. She swears that she will not set foot in the therapy office once her law issue clears up. She has actually sought treatment for her anxiety on her own, which was a relief. Despite having being immersed in the therapeutic school, on the outside she doesn't seem to use a lot of the tools that she was trained in.  Sadly, though very bright, she is still a drama queen and blames everyone else for her problems.  I have only been on this site for a day and yet, I have found a lot of relief from those who decided to delve in to handling our BP children. I would say that there has been a lot of relief too with having her not want to be around me (because "I am controlling and question some of her decisions" some of which landed her in a jail cell tho temporarily because I bailed her out - no appreciation of what that cost and her extremely expensive lawyer).  MM, I am not sure how you can pry your daughter loose from the boyfriend's control and his family who supports this.  Does your daughter have a good relationship with her father or an aunt?  I am just wondering is there another inroad to her that is not you? Though I am the one who has paid for everything, been by my daughter's side when she needs support and love (and she does now say thank you occasionally and apologize [which is Major]) - I remain the person that she takes everything out on and seems to hate. I am just wondering if a strong family member or family friend can reach out to her. If you had an aunt who could take her out for lunch to talk with her and get the story of her situation (is boyfriend keeping her a prisoner?; my daughter admitted to the lawyer that she has been kept in prisoned by her ex before); and express that her parents are so concerned for her safety and future.  Just some thoughts.  I hope you can get some rest during this time that she is out of the house.

[Peace63]

I am glad that you are here too. I agree with you that their behavior is so hard to not get worked up by - I always feel that her acting out has been intentional and done to hurt me. It is so natural to take this all so personally as I am the target. I see other daughters and mothers who are best friends and I so long for that but it will never be, I am afraid. So your refocusing in the middle of an interaction is a wonderful tool.  I am going to continue to read more of the Stop Walking on Eggshell book!  Take good care of yourself.  Let's stay in touch.

[Peace63]

MM, I am sorry, some of my post was directed to another parent about the boyfriend situation.  My daughter is an "adult" and she did seek some help for severe anxiety that she gets and I was amazed.  She does just want to take a pill when she gets overwhelmed vs. therapy, which makes her deal with the real problems that she has and typically blames everyone else for.  We can't force our children to do therapy unless there is somewhat of a bribe - at least I was unable. We had some amazing horrible episodes where police were called and she was hospitalized involuntarily.  She is so bright and convincing, that she could get herself out and my ex and I were so distraught and guilty feeling that we let her come home early with the state hospitalization. When things became so desperate for living with her outbursts and threats to me, I arranged to have her transported by a 3rd party. It was harrowing and I still feel guilty but I know there was no other way to get her into the therapeutic school. I have knife marks in our dining room table, notches out in our wall and a hole in my bedroom door as a reminder as to how intense she can get. All I can say is try to get recommendations from parents who have sent their kids to facilities as I now question some of the tactics used to shame and humiliate that were done to my daughter.

[Swimmy55]

Hi ,
My story is slightly different . Back in 2009 my son was constantly in Shepard Pratt (psych hospital) at the age of 15.  By this time his father had primary custody and eventually had our son receive help from the state when he then went to RICA ( residential therapeutic hospital).  It got him on his feet and was able to go to group home living. He graduated high school and college, so it did help him at the time.