She found a new guy quickly and moved on. It just doesn’t make any sense.

[blueblue12]

Mod note: This post was split from the following thread as it merited its own discussion: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=339910.0

Broken Spokane...

I am soo sorry this happened to you! we all know how you are feeling. You are not alone man! I have been in no contact for 3 months now! Its very hard some days. But we all will get through it. i will have to agree with the others here that have commented...PLEASE don't go back and resist the charm! I was suckered in 3 times! Each time I thought it would work out since she was love bombing me and promising no ore break ups or silent treatments! but guess what...it always happened. And yet it was always my fault! She never accepted blame! She even asked us to go to therapy. Which we did. But guess what...people with BPD typically don't think they have issues. She thought I was the one with issues. So if they don't accept they have issues and want to work on themselves it will never work! Again please don't do it! life is took good. You deserve soo much better dude!

Hey Venicebeach,
Great advice here. Like you I was recycled after her drastic demise of our long relationship. After a few days I realised it wasn’t gonna happen, it was back to arguments and bad stuff, she even mentioned therapy together, but like you I knew, I had experienced that before, where you show up as a couple and you just sit there and get blamed for everything, nothing wrong with her. So this time I declined and went NC instead. She found a new guy quickly and moved on. And I was the ‘love of her life’ and ‘will always be’. Yeah sure. It just doesn’t make any sense.

[PeteWitsend]

Same here!

My XW had a live-in BF within 3 months of me moving out, which violated the "no sleepovers when kids are in the house" morality clause she insisted on in the temp judicial order governing separation.

She coyly refused to answer any questions when I demanded to know who was picking up our kids.

she had, a month or two prior to that, sent me a text begging me to comeback, saying she'd do anything, promised she'd go to therapy to work on herself, etc. which I ignored.  Had been burned once before on that.

I later heard through a mutual friend that she told people she sent me that because she didn't want a divorce, but didn't love me, and just wanted me around for our kids' sake. 

Then she said she viewed her new BF more or less as a placeholder until she found someone better (they're still together nearly a year later).  Poor bastard!  at least him being around has cut down on the crazy ranting text messages I get from her.  silver lining 

What a warm and nurturing partner, wife, and mother eh?

[Turkish]

It makes sense to a pwBPD, at their core feeling unlovable. Unable to deal with such strong emotions, one reaches out for a lifeline in order to feel good instead of dealing with the core feelings which ultimately have little to do with a current partner, but pain in the past.

The previous boyfriend wasn't The One, but the one before him was.  She obsessed about him, tried to have a baby, even after he left (cheated) then used her for sex, then left again.

The guy she left me for and coldly dropped me despite two little kids we shared, her current stbxh, was also The One. In a surprising moment of truth when she still lived with us,  she admitted that she was "sick," her word. Now after much drama with her stbxh which includes cops, DV, and a TRO she got against his brother, she's already telegraphing that she's looking...

I'm not a BPD apologist, and I don't agree to the morality of all of this at all, but understanding her desperation (from my view) of wanting to connect and be loved unconditionally  helps me distance and detach.  A switch was flipped, one that I can't really understand.