4 month since she walked out of our marriage

[LeftBehindGuy]

 Hello BPD Family,

  So today marks 4 months since my ubpdexw walked out of marriage while I was out of town, and just over two months since the divorce was finalized ( we were together 4 years and married 1).  I have a lot of mixed feelings and emotions about everything (probably par for the course). 

   I believe that I have done my absolute best to move on.  I moved out of our old apartment.  I applied for and interviewed for jobs out of state.  I have stayed very busy and I have made new friends.  I made the divorce as quick and easy as possible.  I planned a 10 day blow out vacation with some buddies that I leave for on Saturday, and I have not contacted her (and even stopped responding to her contacting). 

    I still feel very hurt, lonely and angry about the abuse I endured, and how she ended things.   It's scary to think that she had even greater plans to ruin my life and career, but fortunately was not able to follow through with them.  I haven't heard from her in over a month (unless you count this BS email reminding me to renew my car insurance and registration).  I was kind of surprised that I didn't hear from hrt over Thanksgiving / Christmas (we actually have positive memories from those holidays).  But I guess in the long run it's best that I didn't.  I really don't have any urge to contact her, as every time she contacted me she just raged at me.  I try to be mindful of all the positive benefits of her NOT being in my life each time they come up.

    So I guess I am still healing, not as fast as I like, but that's ok.  I will keep doing my best to move one day at a time.  I actually have my first post divorce date tonight.  A new lady that is a bit closer in age to me than my ex, and seems to really have act together.  We are going to meet after work tonight for a drink (I am not going to mention my ex or my divorce) and hopefully we will get to know each other a bit and enjoy each other's company.   I think this a good and important step for me...…. and then on Saturday I leave for vacation and will spend the next 10 days at a pool with a drink in my hand.  I am hopefully by the time I get back, I will feel a little better about things and maybe have been offered one of these jobs that I have interviewed for out of state.

[audiogirl]

It sounds like you have done a really nice job of caring for yourself these last few months. Good luck on your new date! Everyone has their own path and timetable for healing, and with your great level of self care, your hurt and anger will subside in time.

[SinisterComplex]

LBG, its a battle for sure. However, I am proud of you...keep moving forward. You are doing the process right. And yes you are human and those feelings will remain for a while. You are not a robot so sadly you can't dismiss them. Keep on keeping on. Good luck on the date and have fun. Keep checking in on the board...I want to see you succeed and find real true happiness my friend.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[TheeffectsofBPD]

It is great to hear that you are doing well and staying strong! Sounds like you've took the best course of action and it is only up from here. Best of luck with your date and have fun on your vacation!

[Mutt]

We are going to meet after work tonight for a drink (I am not going to mention my ex or my divorce) and hopefully we will get to know each other a bit and enjoy each other's company.

Good idea, keep things light, don't talk about any serious stuff, be fun to be with you're the conductor of the fun bus. You want to make her think about you, I'd suggest to not reveal too much to keep yourself mysterious. Be a good listener and ask questions let her do most of the talking. Good luck tonight  

[Forgiveness]

Sounds like you're doing great. Let us know how the date goes.

[LeftBehindGuy]

 I want to thank everyone for their kind wishes and responses.  The date didn't go so well...we really weren't compatible.  We did have a nice 1.5 hour conversation.  I know you aren't going to hit it off with everyone, and in fact you probably shouldn't.  But I got the first one out of the way, and I felt ok.  I think when I get back from my 10 day vacation, I will try again.

[SinisterComplex]

You will typically fail more than you succeed. Failure is not a bad thing, but rather a stepping stone to making you stronger, smarter, and more confident. Keep after it good sir. Enjoy that vacation.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-