A Twisted Drama

[throwaway89]

I’m currently recovering from a breakup with my exBPD/HPD. I’ve been wading through these forums to find some consolation and I thought I would post my story. There is something so unique about an experience such as this that only we can truly appreciate. Please let me know if this is too revealing and I will consider deleting this post. I feel the need to share my experience.

I graduated university about a year ago and had a major job lined up. In the meantime, I moved back home in an apartment across the street from my parents’ house.

I was introduced to my neighbor, who would soon be my “girlfriend,” by my parents of all people. We met and I was enamored. She had just exited a six-month long, abusive relationship and I felt so sorry for her. We stayed up late talking and there was extreme attraction. I offered to gather her things from the place where she was previously staying to escape her abusive ex. After we picked up her things the next morning, we had a wonderful time together.

Then I found out there was another ex in the picture who I would later realize never lets her get too far. He knows how to play the situation to his benefit and uses the relationship with her mother, who is also BPD/HPD, to manipulate her. After numerous attempts to hang out with her, she would always flake. I was angry and I stopped trying to contact her since I knew something wasn’t right. A few months later, our paths crossed in front of the apartment building and that’s when I gave it another shot.
It was sexual from our very first night together (how could I resist her charm?). In the following 6 months, I adopted a major caretaker role despite her transparent attempts at manipulation and endless fake illnesses. I brought her to the ER on numerous occasions and witnessed her overtly sexual nature with hospital staff, who smirked at her poor attempts to feign serious illness. All during this time, the relentless ex would message her yet she would not take a stand against him because he is her main supply. He leaves gifts at her doorstep etc. The whole nine yards. It’s sick.

During this time, I would clean her house for her, get her groceries, buy her food etc. (I know, I know).
This girl is extremely well-educated. She has her master’s degree in psychology and even did a major report on BPD because of her mother. She acted on Broadway in her younger years (She is a decade older than I) and taught school after that when her acting career fell through. All of her dreams fell apart because of venomous interpersonal conflict and declining mental health. She is an absolutely gorgeous woman who uses her beauty to manipulate men. At this stage in her life, she is alone in an apartment and collects a check from the government. It’s the heart wrenching reality of this disorder.
 
Nevertheless, I was “in love.” We talked about our future and I was going to be her savior (yeah, right!). She was dangerously manipulative from the get-go. She would not stop mentioning her ex and things he failed to follow through with, she would play the sick, abuse victim, and would fake passing out to gain attention. She withheld sex from me in the beginning, but finally gave in after she ran a smear campaign about me on Facebook (it was nothing short of extraordinary when we did start having sex though). This was witnessed first-hand by members of my family. I looked past all of her antics because I finally felt needed and important, which I mistook for love.

Time came for me to move cities to begin my career. I moved three hours away and the weeks leading up to that, she genuinely tried to build a strong foundation so that our relationship would last. She came up with great ideas so that we would be able to maintain our connection, but she wasn’t able to follow through with it in the end.

Devaluation was rampant throughout, but it got bad when I moved. I had just started an extremely stressful job and had absolutely NO support from her. She was incapable and I was distraught. I would beg to talk with her on the phone, but she would be asleep when I finally got home from work (go figure!). She slowly stopped telling me she loved me and all forms of verbal communication of love ceased. In all the madness, she claimed that I broke up with her and wouldn’t accept reality no matter how logical I was. I was begging for love and support, but she cut me off. We didn’t talk for three weeks and I found out she let her ex come into her home. She said he tried to make a move, but she resisted. I don’t know what to believe anymore. There is probably so much that went on behind my back that I don’t know about.

We started talking again, but things would never be the same. Despite my pleas for support, she would hang up on me and I would get the silent treatment. It was a sick replay of this day after day. I would explain this to her, yet she just said she was just being assertive (a BPD/HPD with knowledge of the condition is a dangerous opponent).

She would continue to withhold her love and affection from me until I finally snapped and said some mean, but truthful things to her. I guess this was her way of manipulating the situation to where the ultimate demise of the relationship was my fault. I apologized over and over with no response. She finally called me yelling and said that this was my fault. She couldn’t forgive me for what I said to her and she had to move on. I was “toxic” for her.

I ran across a fake Twitter account she created recently. She took on a persona of a completely different girl, but I know it is her. The posts are sexual and it's very strange. She idolizes certain famous people and goes on and on about how attractive they are. While I was writing this post, my father contacted me and told me that my exBPD/HPD contacted him today. She wanted to know when they were coming home (my father and I suspect it's because she wants to have her ex over for New Year's). She went on to him about her fake illness and when my father mentioned how I cared for her deeply, she didn't even acknowledge it. However, she did mention that I hurt her deeply, but that she has moved on.

I’ve been no contact for about a month and a half, but I feel empty. During the end of the relationship, she manipulated some guy on Facebook to buy her a heater for the winter and another to put money in her account. The ex that never leaves her alone is back in the picture. It kills me because she spoke so poorly of him. There was also another “long-time-family-friend” in the picture towards the end who she was hanging around. I don’t know who her new supply is… My self-worth is suffering greatly and I miss her. I’m wondering if I will ever hear from her again, but I know it won’t be real even if she does.

There are many more nuances I could add, but this post would turn into a novel. Sorry if this is unstructured and difficult to follow. I'm rushing to finish this post...Any insights and/or questions are appreciated.

Thanks

[AbuNassif]

Why even wonder about it. Like "I was once almost eaten by a crocodile, and so I keep going back to that swamp to wade."     No you wouldn't! Thank God it's over. Now love yourself for having survived. Rest up so you can keep your stressful job and reap the rewards. Someone you'll be lucky to love will deserve you soon enough, be ready for her.

[Mutt]

Hi throwaway89,



I’d like to welcome you to the family. I’m sorry for the circumstances that led you to the site here. I am glad that you have found us you have already found the benefit of talking to others that shares similar experience and like you said you have to have gone through an experience like this to understand.

As you probably already know a pwBPD will act out only to those people that are closest to them. So if you have gone thought this experience and you’re onlooker you can’t truly connect with the other person.

I would beg to talk with her on the phone, but she would be asleep when I finally got home from work (go figure!). She slowly stopped telling me she loved me and all forms of verbal communication of love ceased

Don’t beg to talk if she doesn’t want to talk or is pulling away her level of attraction is low and begging is going to make you look like you’re needy. Don’t say anything let her miss you then she’ll wonder what you’re up to and talk to you which in turn will increase her level of attractiveness towards you - women are not attracted to neediness it turns them off.

I don’t know what to believe anymore. There is probably so much that went on behind my back that I don’t know about.

You’re right, listen to your intuition the other guy was in the picture she was already pulling away from you and pulling him closer because she sensed that things were destabilize stern you and her perceived or real, a pwBPD absolutely fear being alone and will create exit strategies to avoid being abandoned. She was creating an exit strategy from you sensing that you’re going to another city even though it sounds like you both had things in place to keep the r/s going.

The fear of abandonment is irrational thinking it has no basis in reality although the person is convinced that you are going to leave them then have strategies to avoid being abandoned that in fact are destructive to the relationship and end up severing it - a self fulfilling prophecy.

She would continue to withhold her love and affection from me until I finally snapped and said some mean, but truthful things to her.

She was having a r/s with the other guy that is why she is withholding.

She finally called me yelling and said that this was my fault. She couldn’t forgive me for what I said to her and she had to move on. I was “toxic” for her.

You’re probably confused, hurt and you want an answer and you’re getting frustrated and angry and she is saying that she can’t forgive you - this is an excuse for her to break up with you because she is already with the other guy. If he was not in the picture or if she not sure that he would stick around she wouldn’t of tried to find a reason to break up with you.

My self-worth is suffering greatly and I miss her. I’m wondering if I will ever hear from her again, but I know it won’t be real even if she does.

Do you have an update for us? It’s been a couple of weeks since you last posted. I realize that your username says throw away account but it helps to talk about this.