Starting out

[luckyvii]

Hello all.  I'm just starting out with my partner, whom I have been very close friends with for several years.  After I had fallen for her, and we started dating, in the spirit of honesty she told me about her BPD. I've been reading lots, but very little of it sounds like the woman I know. I do know that she can be very hard on herself, and has bouts of low self esteem or panic attacks, but she is very successful, funny, smart, engaging, caring, empathetic and much more.   Reading some stories about BPD, it sounds like "run, don't walk, away." I don't want that. I was hoping to find out strategies to having a happy and fulfilling life with someone with BPD.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Carguy]

Hi Lucky and welcome to the site! I highly suggest going to the relationship tools section and reading and learning as much as you can! Also keep posting! People on this site are very helpful and can give you perspective you may not have seen. They have for me with my ex BPD.

To me from what I have read and experienced with mine, she might be in the idealization stages. Mine too was very loving, charming, caring, empathetic, passionate, basically everything I had ever looked for. I couldn't believe I found her! Eventually the BPD issues started happening. Things got worse and we broke up and came back together several times (recycled). During this time I knew something was off but wasn't sure what it was. I had never heard of BPD. When I started talking to a counselor about the things going on in our relationship he was quick to point that out and told me to read up on it. We have been together on and off for 4 years and I only learned about this last summer (she's undiagnosed and doesn't know what's wrong with her). Before I knew what the answer was I would get angry, defensive, and frustrated with her because I felt like she was just being mean and disrespectful. This caused more damage in our relationship.

I think you knowing from the beginning puts you ahead of the game because you now can learn how to respond to the issues! I wish I had known in the beginning because things could have been different for her and I.

You found a great resource here at this site!