Does my spouse have BPD?

[Andrew 70]

I've been married for more than 20+ years. My wife and I have lived in a relationship that has been a rollercoaster. I have experienced abuse, rage, emotional dis-regulation, instability, self-injury and more over the past 2 decades. After processing a recent episode of alcohol induced, physically and emotionally abusive rage in which my wife violently kicked me out of the house and then immediately started panicking and calling and texting to get me to come back, my individual therapist recently suggested that my wife might be suffering from an undiagnosed mental illness. He suggested I encourage her therapist to look at DBT as a treatment for her and as I started looking into it, it led me to investigate more about BPD. Started reading blogs and I felt like someone was peering through my windows.

I'm trying to figure out how to best suggest to my wife, and/or her therapist that she might be suffering from BPD but I have absolutely no idea how to approach that conversation with either of them. Any advice? I love my wife dearly, but I cannot live like this anymore. I recently set a boundary with her that if that ever happened again, it would mean the end of our marriage. She seemed to rebel against the idea of not being "allowed" to act out however she wanted to, but time will tell how that limit sets in for her.

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