Intro

[Ginomaai]

Hi, I've been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now and living together. She hasn't been openly diagnosed with BPD, although she's been going to a psychiatrist for over 5 years. She checks all the symptoms and has a history of neglect and sexual abuse while growing up.

She's African and adopted in Europe. Last year the government found out her birth certificate was forged about 15 years ago, so they took her passport and her adoption family is under investigation for fraud. The whole situation is just ridiculous, but now she's caught in this bureaucratic back and forth.

If i say it's been tense since, I'd make a huge understatement. I've tried to be supportive, even though she pushed me away a million times. She has been verbal and physicaly abusive. I've let it happen too often. Things did improve though. But due to recent developments, she's been splitting again and talking about self harm and even suicide. (which she attempted a few times before our relationship).

The reason I'm here is because I need some help setting boundaries, knowing when to engage and just some basic understanding. I get a very austere response from family and friends when I vent to them. They don't seem to understand why I didn't leave yet.

Right now she's singing in the bathroom while 30mins ago we had a big fight. The trigger was a respons she misunderstood. I've tried explaining, but the bull was already raging. she told me she would beat my ass, and she could find someone else anytime...

 I'm starting to ask myself the same question my family and friends used to ask me. She has a beautiful soul, but it's poisoned by trauma. I don't know if I got the tools and energy to stay in the rollercoaster

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi Ginomaai, and

i think the first thing to know is that people with BPD traits do not do well with stress at all.

finding out that your birth certificate was forged, and going through the bureaucratic back and forth, definitely stressful.

so it stands to reason that shed be especially difficult in this time. whats the back story? was she adopted? any idea who forged the certificate?

the violence is especially concerning. its really difficult to work toward improving any relationship with that going on.

what is the extent of it? how often does it occur? when was the last time it happened?