I have written about my ex before, we ended in October last year, stopped seeing each in February and I went NC then. He blocked me on everything, but unblocked my Whatsapp to send a Valentines day text, which I ignored. I text him in March when lockdown was announced to make sure he was okay (lives alone and vulnerable) - he replied all fine.
It was literally just a "clear the conscience" type of thing - I will never not be an uncaring person, and despite everything he did if he really needed someone in his hour of need and/or he was admitted to the hospital, I would really want him to know that I didn't hate him (I know that's ridiculous), and that I was there for help him if no one else could.
Anyway. I didn't expect to engage in a conversation - just a statement I sent ending with "no need to reply, just thought you should know." He replied immediately basically saying he was surprised to have heard from me, he appreciates it bla bla bla. We did some back and forth short messages, and he didn't end up reading the last one I sent. Fair enough.
I ended up blocking him about a week after I sent the text because I just thought it was a good time to do it - I had effectively said what I needed to - I was a contact if he needed help (I didn't block phone calls), so the block was just to make sure we didn't reenter that talking phase (when we broke up in October we consistently text each other EVERY DAY with very long paragraphs and 5 hour phone calls, and it was draining and confusing.)
Anyway, I was fine going NC (I think it's been 72 days now or something like that after I blocked) apart from the last few weeks. I have been having horrible dreams and constantly thinking about it. I think I have come to realize that maybe I was a toxic force in the relationship too, as I have a lot of self-esteem issues. That obviously doesn't excuse his behaviour, but I perhaps understand why I triggered some of the behaviours.
I also saw that he was still following me on another instagram account, and all his friends were too. I ended up deleting my insta and basically all social media because I just feel so bored with it all.
Anyway, I got a new phone today. I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that all blocked numbers stay blocked on it.
I obviously scroll down to check that my ex is still blocked - and he is, BUT - my last message from March this morning was read (two blue ticks) yesterday at 10am.
I don't know why but I threw my phone down kinda half in horror. I'm not sure why this has upset me so much.
I guess it's because I think he could have sent a message I'll never get (likely), or that he is browsing my messages because he misses me (unlikely), or he has accidentally clicked on it (likely).
But it's got my head thinking - why yesterday? why did he read it?
Part of me thinks he must know he's blocked right - your picture disappears from your contact when blocked?
I don't really know what my question it, I just feel overwhelmed like I have gone looking for a reason to think about it again?
It's just a
PLEASE READ coincidence that the one time I check, he has read the damn message like 24 hours before.
charm or I am overreacting?
