Spouse, how can I ever trust her again?

[Denomme]

Hello, first post. My wife who has been diagnosed with BPD left me out of nowhere for a coworker and left me in a very bad place having to raise my 2 year daughter on my own with no family around. She showed no sympathy or remorse, made up terrible lies about me to her family, friends and co workers to justify her behavior. Her new boyfriend broke up with her after a couple of months who she was completely obsessed with and moved in with from day one of the affair. After briefly dating/talking to other men for about a week she reached out and asked if we could put things back together...  She is now getting treatment but how can I ever trust her again?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Kaylina15]

Hi Denomme,

  Trust is very hard to rebuild, but it can be done.  My husband cheated on me back in 2005, felt openly bad about it, and confessed to me right after it happened. Because of his honesty, I found it easier to rebuild trust in regards to forgiving him and that he wouldn't cheat again. Marital counselling helped also. On the other hand, he used to self- medicate with alcohol constantly and would lie, sneak and hide it all the time. In that case, I have had a hard time trusting that even though he has been sober since October,  that he won't fall off the wagon again. Not to mention, he waited so long to fix these issues that I decided enough was enough and I'm leaving him. There is too much broken trust on both sides, plus a slew of other things with him I am done sacrificing my own happiness for. (After 27 yrs of marriage ups and downs)
If you want to trust her again, perhaps go to marital counselling and make sure she is really getting the help she needs. It won't happen overnight, but it will eventually get to the point that you can trust again, maybe.

Good luck!
Kaylina15