First time reaching out

[Fury]

I've been at this a very long time!  31 years married, 40 years with this man.  It's been a long road to make sense out of the chaos that has always been, with brief moments of peace, that don't last long until the next upheaval.  There is so much history here, far too much to tell.  I am recently aware of and beginning to understand BPD, and the disruption it causes.  I'm glad to have something to offer an explanation, but it is a rugged journey that provides little to no respite for me!   As of late, he is dealing with serious high blood pressure:  I've taken his bp twice daily, set him up with a doctor who suggested he take medicine, and upon refusal and seeing his numbers recommended emergency room for immediate intervention, to which he refused, and refused to answer his phone when the doctor called him twice.  Today, I am responsible for not telling him what the doctor said and not making him answer his phone.  I am responsible for his high blood pressure and could care less!  It's a lose/lose at all times.
This is typical dynamic and I'm getting better at not taking it personally, but it's hard!  I appreciate any advice!  Thanks!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

You have been at this a long time. 

You’re right that not taking it personally is the best strategy, but that is very difficult with your spouse.

You sound very concerned about his health issues, but unfortunately he seems unwilling to attend to them and would rather blame you.

Even though you’re undoubtedly very empathetic, it seems it’s not getting through to him. Here’s an article that addresses how to be empathetic to someone with BPD.  https://bpdfamily.com/content/listen-with-empathy