My 14yo daughter is struggling, so am I

[JD2028]

My daughter has always struggled with emotional lability, friendships and impulsivity. She's been seeing a therapist for years without any improvement.


Now that she is an adolescent things are getting worse, quickly. She has been using nic vapes, weed and alcohol. A few weeks ago she od'd on OTC meds and was in hospital for a few days followed by 10 day residential tx. She is on meds. She is worse since coming home 10 days ago. I am exhausted.

We are on a waiting list for DBT therapy. I've read Stop walking on Eggshells. I am struggling to do this because after 10 years of tantrums and strife, I just don't like her. I am trying to have empathy and patience while enforcing house rules but it's a constant battle. I'm in the northeast, any recommendations of treatment? I don't even know what to do anymore

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

I am not in that area so can't advise re treatments.

Just want to say that I understand the chaos, stress and exhaustion. I have been on the road for many years now. I look back and think - if I had done this or that would things have been different - but I know I did the best I could at any given moment in time

I think but there needs to be a commitment from the bpd person to stick to a program - and being open to the help and support of loved ones is also a big plus. And of course this is a very difficult thing for someone at 14 years of age.

I wish I had realised earlier the importance of not getting caught up in the emotional turmoil. Every time the phone rang there was urgency for a solution to something or other - and to a bpd person that urgency is so real. It took me a long time to realise that the emotions calm down pretty quickly and they can move on to the next thing. This is all true in my case anyway.

I hope you can find some time just for you - to step away from the intensity and to regroup. Often the best way to do this is to go away for a day or so every so often. Is this something that is possible for you?

Another important thing of course is being able to 'get things out of your system' by talking about them. So I hope you keep coming here to unload and just to know that you are not alone.

[Mutt]

You’ll find lessons on top of the board there’s - you might be interested in: Lesson 6: Therapy methods and inpatient / outpatient venues

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=114267.msg12588412#msg12588412

. I am struggling to do this because after 10 years of tantrums and strife, I just don't like her. I am trying to have empathy and patience while enforcing house rules but it's a constant battle.

I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Ten years is an understandably long time and that would be exhausting.

You’re trying to understand more about the disorder by reading about it and reaching out to a support group. As you probably already know a pwBPD lack boundaries and have a poor understanding of other peoples boundaries.

If there’s a new house rule there’s going to be pushback for a period of time and will eventually subside.

If she does DBT there should be improvements on that front as well too.

That being said it sounds like you have a lot on your plate as well too.

What do you do for self care?

[JD2028]

Thank you for the responses. I am going to keep reading here. I am just trying to take it one day at a time because she may be too young to make the change- she thinks I'm the problem. I can only try to keep her healthy until she's ready to change. And I am trying to find a therapist for myself as well.