First Post - ready for support

[LifeisTooShrt22]

Hello,
I’m in my 50’s and my younger sister and I have been fighting it seems for 25 years! In the last 10 years, we’ve only been talking for 3-4 of them. I get to where no contact is what’s best for my sanity, safety and health. While we aren’t fighting/talking, I feel the peace in my life and appreciate it so much. But, I feel so guilty that there is something I am doing wrong to not have her in my life. She has not been diagnosed. She has a masters degree in psychology and never remains with a therapist for long. I read How to Stop Walking on Eggshells and it’s spot on exactly what I needed. I’m joining to learn some ideas or help to try to make it work this time because we have been talking for a little over a month now after a 3 year hiatus. Life is too short!

[WalkbyFaith]

Welcome! Hope you'll receive what you're looking for here!

[Mommydoc]

Welcome LifeisTooShrt22,
Welcome to this site. I am in a similar situation with my younger sister. There is so much to learn here. I have never gone NC for more than a few months, but we have had pretty LC over the last year.   The last 6-10 years our relationship has become increasingly strained as we have been navigating our parents declining health. I feel the same way as you, that NC is the easiest place but it is just not possible right now for me. I am curious what happened to reopen communication for you and your sister? How is it going so far and how are you feeling about it?

Prior to reading walking on eggshells, and joining this site, I didn’t understand how much of  a role I was playing in allowing her to make me feel guilty, or how much mental energy I was putting into avoiding conflict. I learned that it is a choice to feel guilty, and that there is no way to avoid conflict with a pwBPD. Once I stopped putting energy into doing things out of guilt/obligation or avoiding conflict, I could focus my energy and actions on my values. For me it came down to an acceptance that I can only change me and how I deal with her. I can’t change her. Only she can choose to change. I love her and always will, but I also know that it is unlikely we will ever have the relationship I had once hoped was possible.