Textbook BPD descriptions of my mom

[WalkbyFaith]

Was chatting recently with my uBPD mother's sister (my aunt) (NOT the estranged aunt I mentioned a few weeks ago) about my mom. She knows my mom has issues and she stays out of the drama - I feel she is a safe person to talk to about this.

So I asked her about her experience with my mom over the years. I was amazed to find in her response, some "textbook" descriptions of BPD. Here are some of the statements she made:

"When she got older, the whole family started walking on eggshells to not set her off."
"She would bite your head off, then 2 seconds later expect you to be laughing with her."
"I always felt like I couldn't do anything right."
"She is right and you are not and she will tell you why you are wrong. It's very black and white, no gray."
"In some ways, I'm sure I was part of the enabling."
"She is very manipulative." 

I found it quite interesting that she used terms like walking on eggshells and things being black and white, and even enabling, which are all of course very BPD-descriptive terms. It felt validating to me, and while I feel bad for all my aunt has been through with her sister, it was also comforting to know she and I have experienced my mother in similar ways.

[Riv3rW0lf]

WalkbyFaith,

I am glad to read today that you have family members around you to support you, validate you and understand you. I feel like having this kind of safe relationship with a member of your extended family would help your healing and grieving process... If only to know it is NOT in your head, you didn't imagine any of this, and this was never because of you that the relationship was difficult.

Hugs

[zachira]

It means so much to have your experiences with your mother validated by your aunt. I recently had a distant cousin validate my experiences with my NPD sister and her NPD husband. So many people enable the terrible behaviors of the disordered family members, we often think something is really wrong we us, especially when we are raised by a mother with BPD. What do you think you will do with the validation you have received from you aunt?