Ugh! My uBPDh and I have court in 2 weeks for temporary orders. He has continuously hinted that he wants to reconcile and has made several comments about a future together. My lawyer had told me that today was the deadline for us to figure this out, that with court in 2 weeks, and us about to hire a PRE, we were about to spend a lot of money so the decision needed to be made. He has mentioned a handful of times that we need to figure out us, we can talk about us tonight, let’s go to dinner to talk about us, etc. We had agreed that we would talk about this last night. Of course it was his usual accusations and drawing me in but of course not agreeing to anything…which ended up making me crazy. If you would just admit to all of the affairs you have had, if you would just stop lying, if this if that then I would agree. Too bad you are freaking out as I was going to give in. He makes me crazy, literally. He is a master manipulator. He twists everything to get a video of me going crazy, because he has made me that way. I feel crazy, this is not me! He does it all for control and to capture a video of me. I was at the point of pleading him, crazy that I am pleading an abuser to stay with me. His love bombing makes me addicted. His control…he watches me on our cameras to our house and monitors every time I leave the house…I can’t take my daughter for a walk without getting crap for it. I feel so
PLEASE READed up, like I am literally in hell. He told me if you perform a sexual act and make it finish in 10 minutes, then I will drop the case…really, that has happened less than 5 times since we have known each other. Control…here is the unattainable…I will give you what you want if you attain it…though of course he will back out. Control control control. I look crazy as he is controlling and manipulating me to win our temporary orders case and he looks calm and cool. Its all a plan. I call him out in it, my lawyer and I don’t have a plan…yeah right. This is crazy! Everything he is doing to me, he accuses me and makes me feel and look the part every time. He told me that once the divorce is over, we should date…let’s have sex the entire divorce. He said that the divorce would be a lesson for us. WTF…a $50000 lesson each! You are crazy! Why are you saying this! He will forever control me and get what he wants. And in the middle of this are 5 kids…who are all amazing and being raised horribly. What am I doing! He has beat me down to nothing…so all I see is him and let him control everything. The second I do a normal thing, take my kid to sports, go to work, go out for a walk, talk my kids to the park, etc I get told that I am cheating on him…yet a month ago he was all about asking me Whalen I was going to start dating, etc. He says all of my family as ass holes, I bring up two things about his mother (she didn’t send my kids birthday cards when she said that she will forever treat all of the kids the same and she sent me this text “ Good morning **** I’m not happy with a Mother’s Day gift right now the only ones you can give me is to let uBPDh see the kids with out the cops,have a good day” which I took great offense to as if she only knew the crap he had just pulled! Yes, I will forever fight for my kids. Don’t tell me it’s ok to put them in danger. I couldn’t stop all day. Why do I feel like I need to fight for this all day. I am not like this, until he strings me along and then I snap. On Fri he was sick and called out from work…do you have time to snuggle with me? Then I know I will be able to sleep and be happy…we snuggled on the couch most of the day, him initiating sex numerous times. Sucks me in, make your car appointment, I will go pick you up, make your doctors appointment I will go with you, ect. It does not end! Nothing has changed in over 6 years. Nothing is going to change, yet here I am still begging my husband to love his family. He doesn’t love his family, he loves having people to control…and I will forever be his puppet. Last week he told me that he would never again sleep in this house again, this week he has practically moved in…and it’s all for control and to win his case. These kids have to pay…a 5 year old and a 2 year old have to suffer. Our 5 year old was still in pull-ups until 6 months ago when my husband left. I wasn’t allowed to do anything that made my son a tiny bit upset (I was abusive if I did so he was calling CPS). So my husband lied to the pediatrician and his teacher at school…oh yeah he is just about potty trained. No he wasn’t! I potty trained him the second my husband left and then moved on to our 2 year old. Done! The kids are going to bed, and he starts tickling them, then says “go to sleep”! WTF! You riled them up!l when I had them in bed already! I see the damage this has done to my stepdaughter, she is afraid to make one wrong move…she is a pawn to him, she just shuts down around him and yes dads him…you are the best dad ever! Yeah ok…a dad that screams at you, and physically attacks your stepmom in front of you, who makes you have to sit at a different table then everyone else for dinner one night, etc. this is f-ing crazy…but then he buys her love! He tells me if you can change in 2 weeks (when our case is) then I will drop everything…set up therapy on your work days (the day he works as well) only during work hours when he doesn’t have a meeting, we should be able to get in 2 sessions before then and then I will make the call! And last night I was jumping at that…making an appointment next day for us with my energy healer! I had changed the code on our front door sonce he was just letting himself on the house whenever he wanted and taking things and who knows what else he was doing when he was alone here and he watched us and got eh code…so now he comes and goes whenever he pleases. I ask him about it…why you asking me…you guys gave it to me! No we didn’t! Who is the lier, not
Me! He tells me last night, finally everyone will see that I am not that crazy person you have made me out to be! Yes you are! You are even crazier than that! If anyone had any idea the depth of
PLEASE READ you have put me through…yet I am crazy because I want this to work so bad! What is wrong with me! I am
Literally in a living hell right now!
