Overcoming BPD ex, 10 year relationship, history of abuse

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi this is my first post,

I discovered this message board after doing research trying to understand what I have been through and going through. I strongly suspect my ex is undiagnosed BPD and alcoholic. we met when we were 16 and very quickly got into an intense relationship. Over the last 10 years there have been many ups and downs, including cheating, verbal abuse, break ups and make ups.. Im still trying to understand how I ended up in this clearly abusive situation for so long and dealing with the damage it’s done to my self worth. Im in therapy and trying to maintain no contact. Pretty sure my ex has already moved on anyway. I guess I’m here just to vent and looking for reassurance that I’m not the only person that’s been in this kind of relationship and that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

[Figuringitout222]

Hi this is my first post,

I discovered this message board after doing research trying to understand what I have been through and going through. I strongly suspect my ex is undiagnosed BPD and alcoholic. we met when we were 16 and very quickly got into an intense relationship. Over the last 10 years there have been many ups and downs, including cheating, verbal abuse, break ups and make ups.. Im still trying to understand how I ended up in this clearly abusive situation for so long and dealing with the damage it’s done to my self worth. Im in therapy and trying to maintain no contact. Pretty sure my ex has already moved on anyway. I guess I’m here just to vent and looking for reassurance that I’m not the only person that’s been in this kind of relationship and that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

[TheRedLion]

Hi Figuringitout222,

Glad to see your first post! I'm sorry you've had to go through such damage and pain, but I'm happy to see you've been doing research and are seeking support from this wonderful community.

You're definitely not the only person who's been in this kind of relationship. People on this site (who are far more knowledgable than me) can give you plenty of insight and assurance. But I definitely want you to hear that you're not alone. I too have experienced the push-pull, the cheating, the verbal and psychological abuse, the breakups, the suicide threats, etc. We have different experiences, but it's been shocking reading posts here and seeing how similar aspects of others' relationships have been to mine. I felt so isolated for so long. So having this community has been wonderful in making me feel more seen, heard, etc. I hope you also can be seen and heard through this community too!

How has therapy going? Were you going to therapy prior to the break-up or prior to the relationship? Or is it relatively new?

Have you had any breakthrough realizations about what's happened (I feel like I was getting them daily in the beginning)? Or do you have any questions that are lingering?

Hope to hear again from you soon!

-TheRedLion