Once again... is this a re-engagement?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I guess this is a re-engagement but now this involves her texting me and letting me know that a previous boss of her's which we both knew died yesterday. I texted back and said I'm sorry, what happened. She texted back and said newly diagnosed pancreatic cancer. I texted back and said, that's tragic. The end. Was this not a good thing to do. It just seems this past week she has been trying to get me to respond more to her. With her going and picking up my Mom from the ER and taking her home... .with her sending me the cutesy screen saver... .and now this. She turns 50 tomorrow. Would it be because of her birthday? Trouble with Smokey? Recent Valentines Day? What's up with this? She went 1-2 months before she tried to contact me before... .now three times in a week.

[jalk]

I guess this is a re-engagement but now this involves her texting me and letting me know that a previous boss of her's which we both knew died yesterday. I texted back and said I'm sorry, what happened. She texted back and said newly diagnosed pancreatic cancer. I texted back and said, that's tragic. The end. Was this not a good thing to do. It just seems this past week she has been trying to get me to respond more to her. With her going and picking up my Mom from the ER and taking her home... .with her sending me the cutesy screen saver... .and now this. She turns 50 tomorrow. Would it be because of her birthday? Trouble with Smokey? Recent Valentines Day? What's up with this? She went 1-2 months before she tried to contact me before... .now three times in a week.

[VB]

Hey, it sounds like a re-engagement. They use events and issues that they know you have some sort of emotional attachment to, to try and suck you back in. The texts you sent were short and to the point. That is fine, I would just be prepared for others, that are more personal to you two. That is only going on my experience, and I am not professional (although after 3 years, I think I should be!)

[TonyC]

jalk... you guys are conversing... back and forth...

do ... you want the door opened again... .?

smokey... goin bad,... could be... .want her back?

ususally when things cluster... b day., smokey... maybe the shine wore off?

valentines day... .smokey worked...

if the above  ... .she starts treating smokey like she treated you... .!and he pulls back...

and she heads to the computor... to  share... .information that you knew...

open the door too wide... and its hi ... .i just wanted to bring back the box of paper clips i found in with my stuff...

careful... .

tony

[GCD145]

Yes, this is a re-engagement.

One more message: thanks for the info, thanks for helping my mom, goodbye, don't contact me again.

GCD145

[atwittsend]

its trouble with smokey out of all those other options. 

any contact is a re-engagement in my opinion.  there are always ulterior motives

[lifeisgoodx10]

I agree it's a re-engagement. Don't pick it up again! It bites!

[VB]

True. It bites, and it bites hard!

[jalk]

No! I don't want her back. I will not respond again. She knows how to manipulate me well in to a response. I bet ole' Smokey, her new victim, is out of town.

[TonyC]

what ever...

its not your concern anymore... .

smokey is probably asking questions of him self like whats wrong with this woman... .

she was all over me last week ... now she wont talk to me...

be done with it... .she is not your cross to bear anymore...


so whats your plans this weekend?

[atwittsend]

being online chatting with babes all day?  home depot and bed bath and beyond?  not sure if we'll have enough time! 

hahaha

way to shift the focus tony.  good call!

[TonyC]

yep... .better things to do... .and better days are coming...

[Im.okay.now]

she was all over me last week ... now she wont talk to me...

 Boy does that bring back memories !   

Ice skating and watching hockey from Vancouver Olympics in my neck of the woods  on the weekend !  

[TonyC]

i meant jalk... .

what is he doin this weekend to refocus... .and get his wheels aligned...

[jalk]

Probably go to the movies. Have some movies to watch at home too. Go see my Mom. Usual stuff.

[TonyC]

uummm  no you got to do better than that... .

[atwittsend]

you need to find a nice philly to watch them movies with jalk. 

[GCD145]

Sorry guys... I'm going to do a bit of editing on this thread.

From our guidelines:

Suggestive or Graphic Content: Member are encouraged to explore all aspects of their relationship, including sex, and sexuality. Lewd, suggestive or sexually explicit imagery or graphics, however, are prohibited. This is a public forum. These posts will be removed from the board without warning

I was going to suggest women.

GCD145

[atwittsend]

dude I just laughed out loud in my office. 

that right there is the ultimate weight loss program too!

[turtlesoup]

I suggest women.

[atwittsend]

i suggest forget the women but im retired

[atwittsend]

it was my BPD gf man.  she is a hooker in case you havent read that elsewhere.  she pretended she wasnt while I dated her. 

other then that I had never even seen a hooker in real life.

[atwittsend]

indeed. 

so um jalk... .

wanna come out tonight?

[turtlesoup]

Ooops

I guess the British sense of humour might be a little to risque! My apologies, only trying to lighten the mood. *falls back in line* *salutes*

[GCD145]

Folks-

I apparently said something too risque and offensive for this site in an earlier post.  JoanneK saved me.  I apologize to all, and will not do it again  .

GCD145

[2010]

Hi Jalk. Question: Why is she picking your Mother up from the ER? ?

[TonyC]

she was to on the emergency contact list... she was still on it... till a the day after

[jalk]

Yes... .she was still on the emergency contact list. She isn't anymore now. Then she texts me Friday and tells me a mutual friend and previous boss of hers died. She has been trying very hard to re-engagement me this week and she got me to repond twice, once to thank her for bringing my Mom home even though I never asked her to do it and the other was to express condolences about the death. Must be Smokey has been out of town. No more responding now. I went  6 mo. with NC and now this. It set me back some but I am trying to re-focus and get my space back, without the madness.

[TonyC]

sorry jalk,, it is very unerving feels like someone pushed you back down the ladder dont it... and ya got to climb up again...

but you a recognizing the patterns... .  and it only goes to solidify your beliefs... .

about her... .

[PDQuick]

Reality coming you way Jalk, do me a favor, don't duck.

Yes, in your current state of mind, this is definitely a re-engagement. Run for the hills, go NC, don't ever respond to her, and constantly think of what a mutated devil she is. There. Feel better?

Have you ever stopped to realize that all you do is react? React, react, react. She calls, you react. She texts, you react. She goes and picks up your mother from the hospital, you react. She craps in the bathroom at a local convenience store, someone sees her, tells you, and you react. Ok, maybe not that, but you get my drift.

Why do you react? Because you see yourself as a victim. You feel she is doing these things to you. Jalk, you have been on this board for only 7 months. You have started 211 threads, which is the 7th highest amount among all of the members on this forum. Most of your posts, and threads, are about what she has done to you. They are about your victimization.

When will you decide that you don't want to be a victim any more and be proactive, instead of reactive? You hate that she texts you, but you haven't changed your number and kept it from her. She calls you, and you engage her. She picks your mother up from the hospital because she is on the emergency call list, and you see it as an attempt to get back at you.

Look brother, She can't do anything to you that you don't allow. She can try all she wants to get back with you, if that is her intent, but it will fall short if you don't really want her back. You aren't a victim here, you are a willing participant both mentally and physically. If you want to place blame on someone, go find a mirror.

This woman isn't evil, she is just a scared woman trying to live her life the only way she knows how and is comfortable with. Problem is, she doesn't know what she wants, and is incapable of self soothing herself, and giving herself what she needs. You are nothing more than an intermittent supply for her, and you have taught her that it is OK to come to you for that supply. You control that, but you cant quite seem to get it through your own head. The problem is that you want to be everything for her, and you are unwilling to not be her only supply. You want to give her everything, but want to reserve the right to complain when she takes it.

Look man, we are all here for a reason, and I really hate seeing you put yourself through this day after day, post after post, and thread after thread. I'd love for you to see your role in this, and make a decision on how to proceed. You are stuck in your own victimization, and it is killing you. Its time Jalk.

[jalk]

PD Quick,

How do you suggest I do that?  I thanked her for bringing my Mom back even though I never asked her to do that. I have told her in the past to stay away from my Mom and not bring her into this. I set that boundry months ago and she crossed it. Yes, she was still somehow on the contact list and forgotten about as far as getting her name removed. Thinking too much about my sick Mom I guess vs. who is on my MOm's contact list. I still think with the boundry I set for her months ago about staying away from my Mom and then this when she could have gracefully declined saying she is no longer involved with this family when the E.R. contacted her, would have been the right thing for her to do. How am I feeling like a victim? I really want to understand but I do not see how I'm feeling like a victim? In some ways though, I feel like a victim of abuse from this person as well as everyone on this board probably feels, otherwise, why do we find the need to post, hash it out and reach out for support?