do they ALWAYS LEAVE SOMETHING BEHIND

[cali girl]

when they move?  WHYYYYYYYYY... .mine moved 2 hours away and the infamous call comes in today.  uuuuuuh, I left my fishing pole and chairs there, can I pick them up if I'm ever in the neighborhood?  YOU LIVE 2 HOURS AWAY why on earth would you ever just be in the neighborhood?

so predictable - they really have NO SHAME.

[OnceConfused]

Sorry, I threw your pole and chairs to the curb, last week.

[cali girl]

oh, but this "fishing pole" has sentimental value, his son bought it for him for xmas... .  yet he KNEW he left it here in the first place - nothing holds sentimental value to them, they just cling to survival mode.

[LifesaDance]

Things were left the times she would show up unannounced, saying I invited her, and then turning into a 'bash me' Fest. Gloves, scarf, maybe something else (that I would never find, causing me to think nothing was left after all). I think her mind would overheat til she would be so discombobulated by the time she left. If she was naked, I think she'd walk out not noticing.  Weird stuff.

[lifeisgoodx10]

 ... .

[PrettyPatty]

    you guys are soo funny  

I may have left something back there at his house, but I refused to look back the moment I walked out the door.  I think I sent by mail a vehicle transponder that I had in my car which belonged to him, a week after, without a note.  I threw away one of his shoes that got packed in my boxes by mistake.  No looking back, really.  It hurt like hell the first couple of months, but it was all worth it, I have my sanity back.  

[lifeisgoodx10]

I may have left something back there at his house, but I refused to look back the moment I walked out the door.  I think I sent by mail a vehicle transponder that I had in my car which belonged to him, a week after, without a note.  I threw away one of his shoes that got packed in my boxes by mistake.  No looking back, really.  It hurt like hell the first couple of months, but it was all worth it, I have my sanity back.

I left things behind when I left as well. SOme things that I wish I had but I simply forgot. I am finding out those things are nothing that I cannot do without or replace... .I wouldn't go back for them if he offered. No way!

[cali girl]

ha ha... .pretty funny stuff.  the irony is that he left his fishing pole here... .yeah he needs it back so he can fish around now and again to see if I'll take the bait  

[LifesaDance]

^^^^^     ^^^^^

It's all just stuff. If I find anything, It goes to Goodwill. Turns something negative into two positives.

[Tippy]

I would have it DHL`d over to him, might cost a bit but you have the last laugh! 

[plaintop]

Mine kept a guitar I had over there. She still has it. Wasn't worth much... .I'm guessing it will be used as some type of contact or bargaining chip in the future. I plan on telling her to smash it over her head, I don't want anything to do with her... .

[LynnLearner]

I took something of his. A small, but favorite painting. I'm sure he noticed it, but I think I wanted it to be a reason to contact him. Or vice versa. I am thinking of sending it back with no note, no return address. Ya?

[LifesaDance]

Still wouldn't be a NC thing.

[Colombian Chick]

Yes, mine did leave things behind.

Mine came on Feb 7th with a huge truck and 3 guys to move the furniture. He left his bed, desk, lamp, frames, and other home decorations. Not sure why, but he did. I thought it was so stupid that he rented a huge truck to leave 50% of his things behind  ?.

[goldenblunder]

I just had a flashback.  Back when my wife and I were dating, she had her first "episode" where she just up and left to go back to her ex.  It was a red flag that I missed because she did come back and we did unfortunately get married.  Anyway, I remember how she left some of her stuff and would refuse to come pick it up.  She just had to have that anchor.

[sarah1234]

mine couldn't do that one because whatever I did find I did give back to him in one go

Instead he has taken some personal items of mine and thinks that I will contact him to get them back. He has mentioned them a few times now, and lets just say, its freaking weird to take those things from me, he has no use for them. I mean, I actually dread to think what he could do with them! And now I do not think I will be asking for them back!

[cali girl]

Sarah, would you chalk this up to his sense of entitlement or stealing - either way he's GONE  3

[Secretsister]

Mine has tried 3 times to come get his things.  He always creates a problem that prevents him from getting his things.  Finally, last weekend, he came with a truck and got "most" of it.  I had actually packed his things for him and put it all in one place in the garage so he could easily get it ALL.  He still refused to take some things.  He also said I "packed some of my children's pictures in his things" and he brought them back to me even though I told him not to.  I certainly did NOT pack those things in his stuff.  In fact, he brought back 3 boxes of my things.  He did not know, but every box I had packed for him had a neon sticker on it (to avoid mistakes when I had my friends helping move them all to the garage).  The boxes he "returned" to me did NOT have the stickers, so I know he took them intentionally so he had a reason to contact me again.

My lawyer says I can't get rid of the things he left behind, so at some point, I have to do it a 4th time.  So ridiculous!

Secretsister

[Metta]

Interesting.

My ex is so far away he can't just stop by to retrieve an item.

But when we were a long-distance couple and he'd fly out to be with me, he'd always always always make a point of leaving an item behind.

I asked why and he replied he just had a funny "thing" about wanting to leave something of his in my apartment.

Later, I see this impulse in a scary and negative way: he won't completely leave my life and let me heal. He keeps reinserting himself.

I think this is connected with the "forgetting" of items.

[LifesaDance]

Later, I see this impulse in a scary and negative way: he won't completely leave my life and let me heal. He keeps reinserting himself.

Interesting choice of words. Definitely conjures up scary and even evil.

[cali girl]

yes, and when thinking back to when we first met   he would drive out to see me on the weekends and would LEAVE HIS WATCH on my dresser everytime - at the time I thought it was cute - fast forward to now and he's still leaving his crap behind.  its so bizarre that they all have the same behaviors and tendancies 

[PrettyPatty]

Hey CG, I just thought of something really constructive you can do with that fishing pole of his... .If you are anywhere near Long Beach, take yourself and that pole to the convention center to the Fred Hall's Fishing Show this weekend.

Walk around with that pole in your hand and you will fish yourself more than twelve men before the day is over, I assure you of that.  More men gather at that show than at any other men gathering event... .

If I had a fishing pole, I'd do it.  Too bad my exBPD is going to be there... .Don't worry, you wouldn't pick him up, he is ugly as heck, but if you want to be sure, I can tell you where is going to be and what he looks like, just in case... .   

   x

[2010]

YOU LIVE 2 HOURS AWAY why on earth would you ever just be in the neighborhood?

It's called a re-engagement. Now that you've been re-engaged, you need to make a decision. Simple blocking of telephone numbers would have solved it a long time ago, but if there is some reason why you cant do this (such as shared custody) then you need to draw a boundary- either returning the items by agreement or being firm in agreed time and place. You do not have to be there- ask a friend to hand them over. Then it's done.

[Tivo8MyNeighbors]

I'm thinking this isn't behavior confined to BPDs.  My ex was Passive Aggressive, but he pulled the, "You left some junk over here, I'll just mosey over to return it to you, despite your clear message that you don't want it, or me, back," routine.  Sure, when I left him, I was forced by necessity to abandon some belongings (some of it I was even pretty attached to), but frankly, I counted them as a nuisance fee.  If getting rid of him meant I lost some stuff, it was a small price to pay, believe me.

Maybe to them, it's a way of keeping that last little tentacle wrapped around your legs... .or neck.

*big hugs*

Tivo

[jag02006]

When my ex left me for the last time (abruptly, of course) she left some horrible things behind in the apartment that we shared. When I came back to the apartment with my dad to move my stuff out as well (after I found out she had left, I decided to move home) I found her personal diary (no way this wasn't intentional). Of course I opened it up to find all sorts of depressing poems about her cutting herself. She also must have been smoking when she moved out as she left behind a few butts (she hid her off and on smoking from me for most of our three year relationship). It wasn't enough just to leave me I guess... .she also had to screw with my mind.

[TonyC]

the number one answer

my boyfriend is using them right now and he likes them... .

just kidding...

ship them... .send them to him its worth the price of shipping...

it also sends a strong message... .

[LifesaDance]

the number one answer

my boyfriend is using them right now and he likes them... .

just kidding...

ship them... .send them to him its worth the price of shipping...

it also sends a strong message... .

In a reasonable, rational world it would send a strong message. But, then again, in a reasonable, rational world, this stuff probably wouldn't be happening.

[2010]

in a reasonable, rational world, this stuff probably wouldn't be happening.

Yea, but it is. Crazy people are everywhere in life. You cant deny that.

Crazy people only give their business to who they think *wants* their business. That's how crazy people work. Using willing partners justifies their own denial.

Close your doors for good to them and let them know that -they-can-*no-longer*-do-business-with you. They'll find somebody else, believe me. It's their way to deal with abandonment shame- by remora-ing on to another human being to carry them along.

If you cant shut your doors to a customer that gives you grief and exhausts your energy, then your business will fail. Set some bondaries and be good to yourself.

Life isnt fair. Begin with this one human being - treat them like a parasite- Deal with it as you would like to be treated. Be firm- Be final.  If you do, there will be no need to mop up the blood left behind from the slow bleed. Cauterize and be quick. Do it now.

[Colombian Chick]

2010  x

Love reading your posts. Like you I've realized what I got into and now I've been focusing on myself, on becoming a healthier person. I read self help books, I meditate, Yoga, and I'm also reading books that help you for future relationships.

We have to let them go, unfortunately some people find this harder to do than others. Instead they cling to hope that things will change and unfortunately things don't. This is a very serious mental illnes. But the only way they (pwBPD) can do damage is if YOU let them, and still after this is explained, people don't understand it and continue to play the victim role. The victim role will continue unless they choose to stop it.

[cali girl]

He emailed me today asking for me to "put his fishing pole in the carport" and he will come by "while I'm at work" next week - his intentions are either just a weak re-engagement, or him just coming to snoop around.  Either way he is satisfying some NEED of his... .WHATEVER.  And I believe he "left the fishing pole his son bought him for xmas" cause he knows I won't get rid of it due to sentimental reasons and I'm damn sure not mailing it to him.  Oh well, he can spend the gas money to come pick it up, I'll be working.  He has nothing better to do with his unemployed ass but drive around and waste gas.

You think maybe he will DROP something on his way out and need to return next week?