ive encounterd pure evil.

[Depression = 72% of members]

so much for the FOG.  i don't even care/feel sorry ... .nothing.  yeah im hurt, and pissed, and the whole nine yards ... .depression, anxiety, can't believe what my life has come to.

unreal how a month ago she comes back into my life ... says she doesn't want to lose me, etc.  she knew how hurt i was over the break-up.  i go through a month of strange behavior ... just "dating", she won't commit, etc.  less than a week ago she gets a text from a girl she hasn't talked to in months -- a girl who, mind you, tried to get a reference from her (shes a nurse) while we were dating and she said she would never have her name associated with this girl because she did so many drugs she would never pass a drug test. 

anyway, now this is her new girlfriend.  within 5 days.  she has been ignoring me but finally decides to text me tonight to let me know that she has a girlfriend now.  (this girl was actually with her at the bar last week and tried to fight my friend because she was talking to my ex).  anyway, she lets the girl have her phone and the girl starts texting me about how she is going to ___ the sh!t out of my ex right now and she is so happy because she knows that i wish i was her. 

oh and i go on facebook to delete her from my friends and her status (which she NEVER changes is "haha".  and it's listed that they are in a relationship.  this girl NEVER goes on facebook. 

this is just pure sickness.  i have never done anything but be good this girl ... through everything.  and now she is dating a girl that she even said last week is a total wh*re.  and is rubbing it in my face ... .for what?  does she think this makes me jealous?  if anything this finally gives me the ammo to cut the ties completely.  im totally and completely sickened.  sickened that people like this actually exist in this world.  sickened that I am now sick over all of this.  literally.  i can't eat.  i've seen pure evil and i'm scared.  scared that i managed to get caught up in some stockholm syndrome of actually even caring about her because of her sickness.  this is the final blow.  this is pure hatred towards a really good person, with the best of intentions.  un-fu*cking-believable.  i have never been treated this way in my ENTIRE LIFE. 

[SoMuchPain]

so much for the FOG.  i don't even care/feel sorry ... .nothing.  yeah im hurt, and pissed, and the whole nine yards ... .depression, anxiety, can't believe what my life has come to.

unreal how a month ago she comes back into my life ... says she doesn't want to lose me, etc.  she knew how hurt i was over the break-up.  i go through a month of strange behavior ... just "dating", she won't commit, etc.  less than a week ago she gets a text from a girl she hasn't talked to in months -- a girl who, mind you, tried to get a reference from her (shes a nurse) while we were dating and she said she would never have her name associated with this girl because she did so many drugs she would never pass a drug test. 

anyway, now this is her new girlfriend.  within 5 days.  she has been ignoring me but finally decides to text me tonight to let me know that she has a girlfriend now.  (this girl was actually with her at the bar last week and tried to fight my friend because she was talking to my ex).  anyway, she lets the girl have her phone and the girl starts texting me about how she is going to ___ the sh!t out of my ex right now and she is so happy because she knows that i wish i was her. 

oh and i go on facebook to delete her from my friends and her status (which she NEVER changes is "haha".  and it's listed that they are in a relationship.  this girl NEVER goes on facebook. 

this is just pure sickness.  i have never done anything but be good this girl ... through everything.  and now she is dating a girl that she even said last week is a total wh*re.  and is rubbing it in my face ... .for what?  does she think this makes me jealous?  if anything this finally gives me the ammo to cut the ties completely.  im totally and completely sickened.  sickened that people like this actually exist in this world.  sickened that I am now sick over all of this.  literally.  i can't eat.  i've seen pure evil and i'm scared.  scared that i managed to get caught up in some stockholm syndrome of actually even caring about her because of her sickness.  this is the final blow.  this is pure hatred towards a really good person, with the best of intentions.  un-fu*cking-believable.  i have never been treated this way in my ENTIRE LIFE. 

[jardin]

Please please be done with this person.  Let the cycle of grief begin... .and give it time to let it complete.  Why waste any more time delaying that process which is inevitable given this woman's HORRIBLE behavior.  You can not keep allowing yourself to be her emotional yo-yo... .she refuses to take any level of responsibility... .so just let the grieving begin.  As cliche as it sounds, tomorrow really can be the first, full day of your recovery.   Why not let it.  No better time then a random Friday in March. 

We all know what is coming next... .you go no contact, she freaks out, you start to miss her, and bam... .right back to "dating."  I can hear that you're more detached even then before, but I also know well that detachment for those of us who are new at it comes and goes.  So just make the decision now before she says or does one more single 'nice' thing.  Take away the key to your home, your heart, your mind, your life.  She HAS to be denied access.  This is no friend, no partner... .there are strangers on the street who would treat you a hundred times better.  You seem like such a loving, giving, hopeful person and she is taking away those parts of you and you are allowing her to do that.  It's just not ok.  She has not earned a single second more of your life... .or your attention.   

[SoMuchPain]

i agree, jardin.

to be honest ... .you're right, i really am/was "too new" to really get it.  but to be honest the behavior has just gotten progressively worse.  i mean, i chalked it up to her being drunk, but a week ago she looked at me and actually said, "i will kill you.  i will hurt you and i will not care."  and im sitting here, looking at this beautiful petite woman, and the words of the devil coming out of her mouth, and it's so hard to even fathom that it can be real. 

but the more she shows me, the sicker i am.  am i disappointed?  beyond belief.  but i do believe tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of my life, as her even landing in jail or a mental institution will probably not get a response out of me at this point.

i know that it takes a lot to stay strong.  hopefully this new "relationship" (which, who are we kidding, will last a month if that), will keep her occupied long enough to leave me the hell alone.  but who knows ... .maybe they will last ... .this girl is an absolute psychopath alcoholic just like her.  probably worse.  you should see the stuff this girl was texting me. 

at the suggestion of my therapist i am going to attend an al-anon meeting.  i thank my ex for really showing her true colors tonight.  i still have no CLUE how someone can have absolutely no conscience whatsoever, but i just need to accept that it is reality.  i fell for someone who is probably capable of murder.  unbelievable.

[atwittsend]

your woman sounds like my woman and you sound like me.  please lets learn from each other and try to move forward pursuing healthier endeavors.  that is my goal.  it is hard as hell to apply and I understand that.  Im here for ya SMP

[SoMuchPain]

AWE, i saw your latest post. 

i wonder if i would even rescue her at this point.  but you know what?  i might because that is WHO I AM.  but if it came to that, id rescue her and then drop her off and be rid of her.  i am never having sex with that woman again.  i WILL ALWAYS be the bigger person.  but yeah, anything less than absolute emergency, im completely and totally NC now.  and even emergency ... i don't know.  i think maybe she should just fall on her ___ing ass.  we all know rock-bottom is coming.

[atwittsend]

rock bottom is actually better for them I think.  what I did is enabling.  and she will use it against me.   x

[2010]

anyway, she lets the girl have her phone and the girl starts texting me

People that are sick in the head often use a third party to cast in a role of sick-er than they are.  This allows the ill person to dissociate for their own behaviors and blame others- saving themselves from a catastrophic breakdown. It is a denial mechanism that protects a very fragile ego.

This was likely her own texting and she blamed it on the other girl. She did this so you would split your anger between two people instead of one. It also makes her appear less ill if you believe the other girl is ill too.  It is a subset of abuse by proxy. www.samvak.tripod.com/abuse11.html

[SoMuchPain]

anyway, she lets the girl have her phone and the girl starts texting me

People that are sick in the head often use a third party to cast in a role of sick-er than they are.  This allows the ill person to dissociate for their own behaviors and blame others- saving themselves from a catastrophic breakdown. It is a denial mechanism that protects a very fragile ego.

This was likely her own texting and she blamed it on the other girl. She did this so you would split your anger between two people instead of one. It also makes her appear less ill if you believe the other girl is ill too.  It is a subset of abuse by proxy. www.samvak.tripod.com/abuse11.html

interesting.  well it probably was the other girl, to be quite honest.  this girl who was supposedly texting me tried to punch my friend last week for even trying to talk to my ex (my friend is the sweetest, most harmless girl you will ever meet).  so there is no doubt this new girl has issues.  

i also found it interesting because when she told me she had a gf, i asked why all of a sudden she can be in a relationship?  with me she was constantly anti-relationship.  she said that if i knew this girl i would understand.  probably because this girl is JUST like my ex (possibly not BPD, but definitely something ... .perhaps just a total idiot).

but i do find the abuse by proxy interesting, especially considering when i called her out on her behavior at the bar (not doing ANYTHING when this girl was trying to fight my friend), she blamed it all on the girl "that's just what she does, she's always starting stuff".  

well, good for my ex.  sounds like she has a major winner.  someone who my ex wouldn't give a reference to, someone my ex called a wh*re, someone who became single last week because of a "knife incident", and someone who texted me that she was so happy knowing i wish i could be her because she was about to go fu*k the ___ out of my ex.  that is absolutely wonderful.  i think i'd rather my ex be burning herself again.  she might as well be ... .

sickening how little respect she has for herself.  even more sickening how she could possibly treat me this way.  why couldn't she have just broken up with me 3 months ago and left me the hell alone?  

but i tell ya, the more i stuck around to see all these disgusting behaviors, the easier it has gotten for me to disengage.  honestly, before tonight, i would be lying if i said i didn't want to hear from her.  i really DON'T want to hear from her.  i really honestly wish she didn't exist.  due to a tight knit gay community, i will ultimately see her around, but i will stay far away for the time being.  and honestly, even if i saw her tomorrow, it wouldn't phase me.  maybe she really thought this new gf would get to me (funny, i am the only girl who gets harrassed by her ... .she LOVES to abuse me and try to get to me ... .i kind of take it as a sick compliment) ... .i guess she never imagined i would flat out disappear.  i am gone.  i don't even care anymore.  she makes me sick.


**** you know, the more i thought about your 'abuse by proxy' theory, i began to realize something.  she would constantly tell me the number one reason we weren't together anymore was because her family didn't like me.  i met her family like twice, and they had absolutely no reason not to like me.  yet, i was constantly told how much her brothers and friends hated me.  perhaps that was another third party abuse thing.  i am constantly amazed daily at what has transpired in the this short time that i have known this girl.  i have never encountered such craziness/drama in my entire life.  i used to be a really happy person.  i am no longer.  i should have listened to my body after she broke up with me ... .i would shake when i'd get a text from her ... .ive lost 25 pounds in 2 months ... .i would shake lying next to her, unable to sleep ... .i almost threw up on the table when we were out to dinner (made it to the bathroom, barely) ... .i dry heaved in her apartment one day when we woke up (would've thrown up but hadn't eaten in 72 hours).  the FOG is lifting, thank god.  i am ready to go NC.  i wasn't before.  i still held out hope.  this is the final straw.  i am sick, i am about to lose a second job due to her, and now she is with a girl who most certainly has STDs that i do not wish to contract.  not only that, but my friends hate her now.  it has nothing to do with her anymore.  it's now just about my lonliness ... .but she is most certainly NOT the answer, and i know that now.  there is really nothing she could say at this point that could make me wish to respond.  she is beyond help.  it sucks that i had to go through what i went did, but i wouldn't trade sticking around for anything.  now i know the full truth.  and it is frightening. ****

[turtlesoup]

What a biatch!

Everything you have said is incredible. Honey, you are well, well shot. You can't see it today, it just hurts, but I assure you and you know that you are better than this. That are women out there who will treat you better than this. I know how you feel, we've all taken abuse, all had the ex partner or future partner be involved in some way... .maybe not as bad as this but 2 against 1 after a break up is not funny.

Now is the time to hang around with your friends and hole up away from this woman. She deserves nothing from you, no contact, no explanations, no kindness. This is abuse. Plain and simple and one day I hope she will look back with disgust at how she has treated you but what is more important is that you do not allow this to continue and concentrate ALL your efforts on you, getting yourself happy and feeling and taking pride in the fact that you are a good person who got mixed up with what is now two horrible people. They are welcome to each other, it wont end well and it will end fast. Be strong.

x

[SoMuchPain]

What a biatch!

god, i can't tell you how much i appreciate this.  i seriously feel sometimes that i wish i had cameras following me because the things she does and says are so absolutely UNREAL.  and they have just gotten worse and worse, and a big part of my even putting up with any of this was the fact that she was really cool for like the first 3 weeks i knew her (well, actually, there were many problems but i ignored them), and second, this is my first girlfriend and also my first relationship since my ex-fiance left me.  so yeah, i was definitely fragile when we met, just came out of the closet, thought i had hit the jackpot with her.  sometimes i feel like i must be on candid camera or something.  but yes, a biatch.  i used to fall for her sadness and confusion about everything.  this is now completely out of control.

i do have a question for everyone ... .my ex clearly has many victims in her past just like me, but the difference is, no one was abused the way i was.  i was the only one blocked on facebook, supposedly blocked from her mind when we were apart for a month, she threw away everything i gave her, she cut me to scathing pieces, she is all about control with me, yet she allowed her ex to get on her facebook and block me, and now this new girl to use her phone to talk to me.  anyone else feel like the "chosen one" for the abuse?  i know nothing else works out with anyone else in her life ... .but seriously ... .im a like the poster child for her abuse.  i almost wonder what on gods earth she will do without me?  ha.  guess she'll find out.

[turtlesoup]

What a biatch!

god, i can't tell you how much i appreciate this.  i seriously feel sometimes that i wish i had cameras following me because the things she does and says are so absolutely UNREAL.  and they have just gotten worse and worse, and a big part of my even putting up with any of this was the fact that she was really cool for like the first 3 weeks i knew her (well, actually, there were many problems but i ignored them), and second, this is my first girlfriend and also my first relationship since my ex-fiance left me.  so yeah, i was definitely fragile when we met, just came out of the closet, thought i had hit the jackpot with her.  sometimes i feel like i must be on candid camera or something.  but yes, a biatch.  i used to fall for her sadness and confusion about everything.  this is now completely out of control.

i do have a question for everyone ... .my ex clearly has many victims in her past just like me, but the difference is, no one was abused the way i was.  i was the only one blocked on facebook, supposedly blocked from her mind when we were apart for a month, she threw away everything i gave her, she cut me to scathing pieces, she is all about control with me, yet she allowed her ex to get on her facebook and block me, and now this new girl to use her phone to talk to me.  anyone else feel like the "chosen one" for the abuse?  i know nothing else works out with anyone else in her life ... .but seriously ... .im a like the poster child for her abuse.  i almost wonder what on gods earth she will do without me?  ha.  guess she'll find out.

"we teach people how to treat us"

Probably you've shown her a hell of a lot of kindness and patience and tolerated a lot of crap. I was also at a low ebb when I met mine, just out of a 4 year relationship. My T has told me and its really true, that we teach people how to treat us and I endured a lot of crap. Is it possible she sees that she can do these things to you and you will keep coming back.

Believe me, do this, stop. Do not call her, block her entirely, she was be shocked, she doesn't believe you have the will IF you've let her get away with murder and she is taking the piss out of your kindness and love. Do you have any heros on film or something? I know it sounds funny, but what I did was take a role model! I think "would Maximus stand for this"! If i can't find it within myself I fake it to make it and I've been doing it so long its become real and Im getting better at setting boundaries with everyone and progressing in my life that was falling apart when I was with her.

Dont let her take the piss, she is abusing you, cut her out completely, you have the rage and the reason now, she has disrespected you, get mad.

[Kenneth]

I'm sorry you're going through this, SoMuchPain. Such trashy, horrible behavior cannot be justified, BPD or not. And it sounds to me like you need to distance yourself from this situation, as well as distance yourself from people who exhibit stupid behavior like this. (Things like "she tried to punch my friend" or various instances of sleeping around or getting drunk or whatever are behaviors we should refuse to be around.)

At the same time, however, there can be a level of denial about all this. That is, when faced with such behavior by people whom we love, we simply cannot believe they would intentionally act in such ways. But they have! And they do! And we have to "face the facts" about their behavior, even though they will not.

Hang in there, SoMuchPain. You do not deserve this.

[Susan_B]

When we tie ourselves to human tornadoes guess what? Our lives become like the whirlwind. Borderlines, like most dysfunctionals won't change. They may change, but that is only after a rock bottom that may kill you. They will divert and drain your energy for life and leave you nothing but a pale shadow of your former self. That is of course if you survive them. Some of us don't. Sadly, you can read about it in the paper oh too often.

SMP, I suggest you go permanent NC with her. It is not your responsibility to rescue her from her own choices, EVEN IF SHE COMES BACK TO YOU BEGGING. If you choose to save her from her self, I guarantee you that you will be back in the whirlwind before you can blink.

I now use a very simple litmus test to judge relationships I am in or entertaining to enter. I look at myself after interaction with the other person and I ask myself a simple question. I ask, ":)o I feel energized or drained from my encounter?" If I feel energized or neutral I maintain or seek to develop the relationship. If the person drains me, I limit or end contact with that person.

You can choose who you are going to be friends with and who you are not. I suggest that you choose wisely.

[Runningasfastasican]

SMP, I just wanted to respond with some support for you, as this behavior is so totally harsh on her part and to pass on an idea that has helped me, you and others in some threads have mentioned NC save in an emergency, and taking care of the situation and then dropping the person off... .etc... .I just want to pass on the idea that often, the "emergency" is another way to draw one back in, and that, there are ways to "help" the BPD in an emergency at more arms length... .about 4 weeks ago, mine contacted me at 3AM... .with an emergency... .she had broken a bone at her home after a nite out drinking... .and wanted me to take her to the ER... .I came close to leaving my home and doing that figuring, just dropping her off, then I realised that, if it is a medical emergency that an ambulance can be called... .so I told her, I would not come out, rather, that I would call an ambulance for her, as they could provide more care... .she then told me to forgett about it, and hung up... (subsequently she did call an ambulance and I never went out)... .on another occasion there was some guy at her place, who was going to "assault" her, I told her then that I would immediately call the police and get them sent to her house, needless to say, she declined my offer... .I think that "rescue" missions can be very dangerous for the "non" in that when you respond, you really have no idea who else she may be calling to "rescue" her from you, or what allegations can arrise from it, and public servents are available specifically to respond to crisis related to immenant danger to the individual... .just some thoughts and my best wishes to you in dealing with this situation, it sucks but things can get better when you have success in errecting walls between you and the BPD person that you are cutting ties to... .take care... .

[turtlesoup]

SMP, I just wanted to respond with some support for you, as this behavior is so totally harsh on her part and to pass on an idea that has helped me, you and others in some threads have mentioned NC save in an emergency, and taking care of the situation and then dropping the person off... .etc... .I just want to pass on the idea that often, the "emergency" is another way to draw one back in, and that, there are ways to "help" the BPD in an emergency at more arms length... .about 4 weeks ago, mine contacted me at 3AM... .with an emergency... .she had broken a bone at her home after a nite out drinking... .and wanted me to take her to the ER... .I came close to leaving my home and doing that figuring, just dropping her off, then I realised that, if it is a medical emergency that an ambulance can be called... .so I told her, I would not come out, rather, that I would call an ambulance for her, as they could provide more care... .she then told me to forgett about it, and hung up... (subsequently she did call an ambulance and I never went out)... .on another occasion there was some guy at her place, who was going to "assault" her, I told her then that I would immediately call the police and get them sent to her house, needless to say, she declined my offer... .I think that "rescue" missions can be very dangerous for the "non" in that when you respond, you really have no idea who else she may be calling to "rescue" her from you, or what allegations can arrise from it, and public servents are available specifically to respond to crisis related to immenant danger to the individual... .just some thoughts and my best wishes to you in dealing with this situation, it sucks but things can get better when you have success in errecting walls between you and the BPD person that you are cutting ties to... .take care... .

Yes, I got the "im being assaulted thing" always happened when she knew I was out with other women, without fail. At least yours had hurt her foot, mine would just lie about it!

[Metta]

Good lord, what horridness. What sickness.

NC stat!

Best wishes, SMP.

[anker]

smp don't go!

That's what ambulances are for!

Xo

[SoMuchPain]

well thanks everyone.  it's good to know that everyone sees this behavior as sickening.  what's even more sick about it all is that just days before it, i was really trying with our "dating".  i would go over to her her apartment and massage her so she could sleep before her night shift ... would tell her that she is the prettiest girl i've ever seen ... basically just great, loving gestures.  and then bam.  this girl from her past texts her and now they are together and double teaming to harass me.  it's just unbelievable really.  

and you all are right, im done rescuing her.  she has plenty of people that will do it.  and i have shown before her that i will put up with crap.  don't worry, she's blocked on facebook, i WILL NOT answer any texts should i get them, and if i see her out, i don't know her.  yeah, it's hard to find someone else that sparks my interest, but this has just gotten to the point of  ... .wow ... .i mean i don't really even know what to say.  i knew she was disordered, but such blatant disregard for me after all i've done for her?  unreal.

[louise12]

has anyone ever experienced getting into a 'relationship' with a work colleague with pd?

[francienolan]

Ugh, that is sick. You don't deserve to be treated that way. NC is definetely the way to go. Take care of you, SMP.

[unknown]

i knew thered be more trouble once you started considering trying to make it work again. 

but i cant talk, because i tried to make it work with my BPDgf once after i ended it with her and she broke my heart and did somethin similar to what your ex did to you.

BEST thing to do, in my opinion is completly take her out of your life. just do it. it feels crappy, but its not worse then the stuff shes doin to you

[anker]

You'll find someone cool again. You gotta heal up first. xo