Why Do Some BPD Ex's Never Contact Us After Leaving?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Yeah, be thankful that they do not re-engagement you. One never knows though. The re-engagement can come after a year, two, three... .who know's. Whenever their "need" to contact you is. Maybe when the new victim goes sour, that's when they'll re-engagement ya. For now, be grateful. On one hand, I do enjoy it to some extent when she re-engages me because I like the fact that I do not repond to her. I feel more in control. That helps me feel better. On the other hand, I could be having a perfectly great week and she texts me... .ugh! I get all wound up in the drama of her and her illness. I don't want that anymore. We need to move forward.

[jalk]

Yeah, be thankful that they do not re-engagement you. One never knows though. The re-engagement can come after a year, two, three... .who know's. Whenever their "need" to contact you is. Maybe when the new victim goes sour, that's when they'll re-engagement ya. For now, be grateful. On one hand, I do enjoy it to some extent when she re-engages me because I like the fact that I do not repond to her. I feel more in control. That helps me feel better. On the other hand, I could be having a perfectly great week and she texts me... .ugh! I get all wound up in the drama of her and her illness. I don't want that anymore. We need to move forward.

[strangetrip]

well I was wrong on this... .mine contacted me big time and know I do understand what you all mean... better off if she had not... .

[SteveMc]

Its been a while since I started this post. If you check my history of posting you will see that I have always made it clear that I "believe" my ex is a BPD, but I am not "certain" because I never spent quite enough time with her to see the real ugly stuff that many talk about on this board.

Today I received a text message at 1pm... .

"Hey Stephen... .hope all is well."

I felt sick at work when I read it. I havent made any contact with her in the last 2 months and I didn't respond when I read it. What should I expect now?

[strangetrip]

do not respond unless you want everything you have worked on to get turned upside down and have to start all over...

My biggest mistake was answering  my exBPDgf first text... .once I did that she had me answer more which resulted in a face to face meeting which brought all the emotional pain I thought I had processed back up again... Then I had to try to start over again. I still don't have things back to where I was... ..  take the advice here which I did not and don't reply... run man run!   It does no good to respond, if she is BPD like mine then it is just more of the same old crap...

[centella]

Hi SteveMc

No one can really know what's going on in someone else's mind. And this worths so much for pwBPD as it worths for normal people. Through my experience, there are a few suppositions to consider, but they all may be wrong. She might be giving you the silence treatment so that you worry with her and initiate contact. She might be victimizing herself like "he never understood me, and now he'll have nothing but my silence and he will feel how much he needs me". She might have moved on and therefore it wouldn't make any sense to keep any contact with you --some pwBPD do cut the cord suddenly and permanently. She might have realized the damage she has done to you, and remaining in silence is a way to protect you from her. She might actually love you but be aware at the same time of who she is and that to keep in contact with you would only make things more difficult on both. Sometimes to cut the cord, is just the easier way to go and this applies to all relationships, especially if they were pretty intense. If you were determined to leave her, and if you did, then take advantage on the fact that there's no contact to actually move on with your life. Keep and nourish the good memories you have from her, because they were real and they have meant so much for you as they meant for her. But all things have a proper time to happen, and now perhaps it's time to let go of the past and heal.

x

hi c and warmly welcome here,



I must say, for to be new in here You have spoted so many right "might" in redmarket quotes that I took the liberty to refer to

1. mine did to, even put me on RO to have me violate it, but she contacyed me prompr when I wasn´t responding anymore.

2. such odd thinoking they have... .

3. these words "I have moved on" is om their lips before the door clicks.

4. this one is the best, as put in this form, "You deserve someone better than me" (mostly after they been cheating).

5.see 4. wow she thought about us for a change... .

again none of the above was wrong as you wrote, totally the opposite IMO. thanks

3L

I'm sorry 3L, I've only noticed this now... .

Thank you so much. x

[NHBeachBum]

I have absolutely no clue why some people with BPD never return back to the scene of the crime and others do. If they do, some have varying time frames - a week, months, years. If you feel that you are somehow "missing out" by not having contact from your exBPD, please send me your home address. My exBPDgf has been stalking me on and off for the past 3+ years at 2 different gyms now. I'll send her your way so you can get some satisfaction and see what it's like! LOL.

For me, my relationship with my exBPDgf was pretty much like getting run over by a speeding truck. Do I care if the driver returns back to view the devastation and gloat over the carnage? In my case the driver came back to try to hit me again. Be careful what you wish for. When you least expect it, your exBPD could show up.

-NHBB

[Nutts45]

I have had normal relationships that did not work.  Some I have came in contact again some I haven't.

I am walking along my path of life.  Sometimes with another, if we walk the path together I am glad (usually) that we had the opportunity to walk along side by side.  If along the way you choose another path I will feel sorrow, but I wish you the best.  In the future our paths may or may not cross,  I hope that I have the awareness that it doesn't mean neither of us care it just means we took different paths...

[TonyC]

i have had a few g/fs... .some are still single... some have b.f some are married... .and i dont call them... but i get many calls. from  them  , just to say hi... shoot the breeze and stuff.

or to ask me advise about thier s/o gee do i look like sigmund fraud...

but i never want to hear... from one particular person ever again... .

[C12P21]

This song reminds me of the post regarding needing a hurricane in your garden... .

It's by Jimmy Buffett "Tryin to Reason with Hurricane Season.

Squalls out on the gulf stream,

Big storms coming soon.

I passed out in my hammock,

God, I slept way past noon.

Stood up and tried to focus,

I hoped I wouldn't have to look far.

I knew I could use a Bloody Mary,

So I stumbled next door to the bar.

[Chorus:]

And now I must confess,

I could use some rest.

I can't run at this pace very long.

Yes, it's quite insane,

I think it hurts my brain.

But it cleans me out and then I can go on.

There's something about this Sunday

It's a most peculiar gray

Strolling down the avenue

That's known as A1A

I was feeling tired, then I got inspired.

And I knew that it wouldn't last long

So all alone I walked back home, sat on my beach

And then I made up this song.

[Chorus]

Well, the wind is blowin' harder now

Fifty knots of there abouts,

There's white caps on the ocean.

And I'm watching for water spouts

It's time to close the shutters

It's time to go inside.

In a week I'll be in gay Paris

[DAS]

This song reminds me of the post regarding needing a hurricane in your garden... .

It's by Jimmy Buffett "Tryin to Reason with Hurricane Season.

Erg. I went to a Jimmy Buffett concert with my ex. It is the one picture of us together. It is still on her facebook page and thus in my photos.

Grrr... .

[Koro]

When you have a break-up after a normal relationship, it's OK not to contact each other for a while and then talk some things out and maybe keep a friendship.

But for those that BPDexes haven't contacted you after a break-up: You are the lucky ones, believe me! NC is basically the converse reaction if they contact us.

I have confirmed this the hard way; but even when they are in their most humane, calmed behavior, it's never, ever about us, nons. It is always about them. Same holds true when they are trying to contact us out of desperation, or when they find something better to do and decide to go NC. So, even if they DO contact us, it got nothing to do with us as persons, it is NOT validating in any way that they look for us; they are doing it for their own selfish, childish reasons.

[js friend]

my udexpwBPD left without warning or explanation as he had done many times before.This time I decided not to chase after him.18 months later he decided to make contact through a friend of mine.He even asked her for my phone number yet i was with this man for 2 years before he decided to take off again.That told me that he had decided to erase all trace of me when he leftred-flag .All he could say when we met up was "i just wanna move forward with this".The only lame explanation he could offer on why he left was that it was something that I had said but refused to say what it was.And then he proceeded to tell me how bad things had been for him since we "broke up".I had to remind him that we didnt brake up,he walked out on me!

[TonyC]

my ex did the same thing... i walked in the door... .at 3 am and she was packed and gone...

9 months later pops up and says... im never letting you go again... .

i said... babe i came home you packed and were gone...

she did the fingernail in the teeth thing and said... sheepishly... ohhh yeaaa i forgot...

whoo hoo

[C12P21]

He has contacted me a few times, each time just little insults to rub salt in the wound. We have been NC for awhile now. He may contact me again. I doubt he will. I have decided, I will not respond. I have worked to get to this point. I cannot allow this sick Guy to twist my head again.