Narcassist and Borderline

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

For those of you who do not know my story... .Smokey is my ex's new victim. This is a fake name.

Smokey is a narsassitic ego driven obnoxious jerk. Very full of Smokey and Smokey knows it all and can do no wrong. Smoke is a trooper and is in the national guards. The point I want to make is... .the two are together, like peanut butter and jelly. One needs the ego stroked (Smokey) and the other does the stroking (my ex).  One gives (Smoke) the other takes (ex).  Smoke shows her affection through money... .she's a gold digger and status mongrel. Long story short, Smokey is a much easier conquest than I was. Smoke will be preoccupied with 12 hr shifts and guard stuff... .feeding her abandoment issues. She can't form attachements, so Smoke is easy in giving her reasons to book, after their wedding and she gets Smokes money. I on the other hand, didn't have the money Smoke has and I was always with her... .(my mistake, I lost who I was with this relationship... .but  felt I met the love of my life and being with her was heaven). Towards the last few months, before our relationship ended, I was actually enjoying when she decided to go back to her home state and visit her family. I wouldn't go... .I was happy to have her gone so I could relax. Anyone else experiance that? Narcassistic and BPD's are really the item though... .it will be hell... .but they are like 2 pieces of a puzzle that fit together. Until it get broken up and placed back in the box.

[jalk]

For those of you who do not know my story... .Smokey is my ex's new victim. This is a fake name.

Smokey is a narsassitic ego driven obnoxious jerk. Very full of Smokey and Smokey knows it all and can do no wrong. Smoke is a trooper and is in the national guards. The point I want to make is... .the two are together, like peanut butter and jelly. One needs the ego stroked (Smokey) and the other does the stroking (my ex).  One gives (Smoke) the other takes (ex).  Smoke shows her affection through money... .she's a gold digger and status mongrel. Long story short, Smokey is a much easier conquest than I was. Smoke will be preoccupied with 12 hr shifts and guard stuff... .feeding her abandoment issues. She can't form attachements, so Smoke is easy in giving her reasons to book, after their wedding and she gets Smokes money. I on the other hand, didn't have the money Smoke has and I was always with her... .(my mistake, I lost who I was with this relationship... .but  felt I met the love of my life and being with her was heaven). Towards the last few months, before our relationship ended, I was actually enjoying when she decided to go back to her home state and visit her family. I wouldn't go... .I was happy to have her gone so I could relax. Anyone else experiance that? Narcassistic and BPD's are really the item though... .it will be hell... .but they are like 2 pieces of a puzzle that fit together. Until it get broken up and placed back in the box.

[Live and Grow]

Oddly I was just thinking that I might not hear from my guy (I would be grateful if it were to happen this way) because his mom is a waify BPD and he is a n BPD... .it's just possible that she will keep him busy.  Similar thinking... .

Oh such evil thoughts I'm having.

I'm just worried that if I have ANY contact with him too soon I might not be able to keep my manner "deadpan" and "neutral" enough so he will get bored and go away!

That's my plan for reacting - I just need to compose myself enough to pull it off.  Of course I know I'll be a basket case later... .

[FloatOn]

I wouldn't go... .I was happy to have her gone so I could relax. Anyone else experiance that?

You weren't alone with this brother. I distinctly remember while we were together to be fairly relieved when she spent some time away from home. Maybe it was just normal to want my alone time (i.e. it had nothing to do with her probable disorder) or maybe it wasn't. She rarely raged. But for whatever reason, when she was "depressed" (what I thought it was at the time) she was just emotionally draining and I wanted to be home alone at times. Hard for me to describe really and I don't fully remember why I felt this way. I think it was semi-stressful because I didn't know what I could say to her to make her upset (she was an inward rager) and I didn't really understand why someone who seemed so in love with me in every other way seemed to withdraw. I didn't even realize it was "withdrawing" on her part at the time... .it just made no sense. Like she's not wanting to do anything with me while at the same time obsessing over getting married. That type of weirdness. I do remember distinctly thinking one time that her depression almost oozed out of her and overwhelmed my own emotions; like I said she may not have been raging but her weird moods made ME depressed. That's probably why I liked spending time at home alone without her sometimes.

[2010]

One needs the ego stroked (Smokey) and the other does the stroking (my ex).  One gives (Smoke) the other takes (ex).

If he is a Narcissist- then this should read: One needs the ego stroked (Smokey) and the other does the stroking (my ex).  One takes (Smoke) the other gives (ex).

This is especially true when it comes to sex. A BPD woman (or Man)  will control the sex in the bedroom to show how valuable they are to the partner. Any attempt to take that control away from them limits their wall of protection against intimacy. Sex is usually a contact "sport" with BPD partners because they use it as an emotional preventative measure as well as a valuation tool for their sense of self-worth.

The narcissist takes- mirroring just enough to give the impression that the partner is an equal- but given time, the BPD becomes the subservient partner and chases the narcissist, who eventually will devalue and discard.  Both characters are disordered and yes, they do fit well with each other.  But it is a recipe for disaster and unless the BPD partner has masochistic traits- it will not last.

[goldenblunder]

Towards the last few months, before our relationship ended, I was actually enjoying when she decided to go back to her home state and visit her family. I wouldn't go... .I was happy to have her gone so I could relax. Anyone else experiance that?

Yes, absolutely.  I loved it.  People always though it strange that she would travel alone sometimes, not taking me with her to visit home, etc.  But it was the only thing that kept me sane.

[jalk]

2010... .the only reason I said that Smokey the narsassitic gives is because of the money. Smoke has $$ and flaunts it. This is how Smokey traps friends (if you want to call them that). Smokey buys what Smokey wants. So Smoke ends up with leaches as friends and partners. My ex loves Smokey money and she takes. She is into status and likes to flaunt as well. After all, she is beautiful, now wealthy, what more could a girl want? We shall see in her next chapter.

[ron7127]

Yeah, I loved it when my XW was absent from the home. Very peaceful, for a change. Divorce is heaven for me.

Try not to give a rat's ass about her new relationship.

[GCD145]

How does a trooper get wealthy?  Salaries aren't THAT high.

GCD145

[redrover]

I encourage my BPW to go HOME , even though I think her mother is not a good emotional influence on her... ( ie- will say really mean things, that BPD will just store away, and then take outo another s- ME ) She never would speak back to mom

I am relieved when she mentions she may want to go .

I am elated that she has been swicthed to opposite work shifts than me- I only see her at 10 PM to pick her up, drive 5 minutes, and then I am in bed !  ;p

what a life